For years, Heather Mills has been looking for a way to combine her two loves of only talking about herself and slagging off the British press whenever she can – her solution was to phone 999 several times each day to slag off the press to the police.
By doing this, all of Heather Mills' basic urges were sated. When she called 999, Heather Mills could express exactly how she was feeling, talk to the police about her hatred of the British press and – since the police aren't members of the British press – Heather Mills didn't have to worry about her words being turned into all kinds of 'Boo-Hoo I Hate Journalists Says One-Legged Idiot' headlines in the following day's newspapers. Only problem is that, earlier this week, Heather Mills phoned the police up so many times in a single day that now the police want Heather Mills to put an effing sock in it.
There are so many interesting dichotomies going on with Heather Mills that we don't know where to start. For example, Heather Mills claims she isn't a gold-digger but at the same she wants £10,000 a day from Paul McCartney. Also, Heather Mills hates animal cruelty so much that she's prepared to run around after J-Lo wearing only a giant television and yet pictures have been published of Heather Mills in a mink coat. And – best of all – Heather Mills hates the press, a fact we know because Heather Mills is always in the bloody papers banging on about it.
In all the excitement yesterday about Heather Mills dancing and pointing at pigs, we failed to mention that Heather Mills' hatred of the press has grown so out-of-control that she's taken to dialling 999 and calling the police every time she's bothered by a journalist. And because of Heather Mills' divorce with Paul McCartney – who may or may not have stabbed Heather's arm in half with a drinking vessel – that has happened a lot. So much so, in fact, that the police have reportedly warned Heather Mills to stop bothering them so much, as Reuters reports:
Chief Superintendent Kevin Moore, of Brighton and Hove Police on the southern English coast where Mills spends much of her time, said there was a risk that officers may take her calls less seriously if she contacted them too often. "We are having to spend a disproportionate amount of time on one particular person," he said in reported remarks that were confirmed by a spokeswoman for the force. "We are duty-bound to respond, but clearly people who make lots of calls to the police run the risk of being treated as the little boy who cried wolf," he added. "Officers who have attended previously to find there have been no grounds might not take any claims seriously, and that's the danger we face."
The police have been very accommodating to Heather Mills in the past, giving Heather a panic alarm and inviting her for some kind of mysterious natter last month, so Heather's repeated misuse of the 999 service must really be a strain on the force for the police to go public with the warning.
But at least Heather Mills now knows that 999 isn't the number to call to bitch about a man sitting on your car and taking photos. From now on, Heather Mills will be careful to only dial 999 in times of dire emergency, like if she doesn't get that Desperate Housewives gig or she sees a T-shirt with something stupid she said on it. That sort of thing.
Read more:
Police Warn Heather McCartney Over Emergency Calls – Reuters
Roy says
We genuinely, and most alarmingly, cannot think of anybody more materialistic, viciously greedy and idiotic than this creature, Mills.
Baselessly proud, and, let’s face it, no oil portrait, doesn’t she embody EVERYthing wrong with a divorce settlement – rude, nasty, greedy, irrational?
She should be treated for her hysterical ways, causing mass nausea, and have a generic injunction against her forbidding any more demands for money,
contacting the police (let them do their work!) etc. Who does she think she is? Worthless waste of a person.
Section the twit !