Britney Spears' new album finally has a title (Blackout) and a release date (November 13) – so now all it needs is for the three remaining people who don't now see Britney Spears as a washed-up addled cartoon of herself to go and buy it.
And Blackout by Britney Spears couldn't be getting released at a more opportune time, because it's common knowledge that when a woman is at her lowest point in life – with apparent recurring drug, mental health, relationship, family and flatulence problems keeping her a mainstay of the gossip columns – the best thing to do is to release and promote a gruelling comeback album around the world. And if the music video for Gimme More, Britney's lead single from Blackout, is anything to go by, it's probably not worth anyone banking on a hit. That's not to say that the video for Gimme More is crap, though – rather it's just about everything we expected it to be. Which is crap, now we come to mention it.
Britney Spears has gone through a few image changes in her time, and all have been successful to varying degrees. But, now the world has accepted virginal tease Britney Spears and sexually awoken Britney Spears, now's the time to see what it makes of mimsy-flashing badly-dressed drug-using bald-headed twice-divorced single mother of two Britney Spears. Something tells us, though, that Britney's marketing team won't be going for that exact line when it comes to promoting Britney Spears' new album Blackout.
Because even though Britney Spears' stock is undoubtedly at the lowest it's ever been, thanks to the rehab suicide attempt and the awful MTV VMA performance and the recent custody loss of her kids amongst others, Britney Spears has still decided to release her new album next month. And, instead of calling the album What if the Joke is on You or Omg is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like as were previously mooted, Britney has decided to rip-off an old Method Man & Redman album and call it Blackout instead. E! Online reports:
Britney Spears has finally shed some light on the title of her new album. Jive Records announced Friday that the embattled pop princess had dubbed her forthcoming oeuvre Blackout, a reference to "to blocking out negativity and embracing life fully." The album is due for release Nov. 13. In addition to the chart-topping single "Gimme More," Blackout will feature the songs "Heaven on Earth," "Radar," "Piece of Me" and "Break the Ice," per Billboard.
Yeah, OK – blocking out negativity and embracing life fully. Because we thought that Britney Spears had named her album Blackout after she blacked out on New Year's Eve. Still, if Britney wants to name her albums after things that have happened to her, at least she had the decency to go with a fairly minor one when she could have named it Puking On Boys or Umbrella Car Smash or Look! Vagina!
And not only do we know we only have another 39 days to go until we won't be able to go to a branch of HMV without tripping over piles of unsold Blackout copies, but also the video for Britney Spears' new single for Gimme More is released today, even though it's been on YouTube for a few days. And if the Gimme More video is anything to go by, Blackout by Britney Spears is going to be bone-freezingly sexless and made on a budget of about 50p. Take a look for yourself…
OK, it's obviously rubbish – but let's look on the bright side here. You might think that Britney Spears is a terrible performer and an awful mother but, christ, compared to how lousy she is at poledancing, Britney Spears is a cross between bloody James Brown and Mother Teresa.
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jrzmommy says
Yeah, whatever. Her song is at the top of the Billboard charts so saying only 3 people will buy the album makes you sound dumb. People hoping for her to be a commercial failure, like Paris and others, have already been proven wrong, so give it up.
Jonathan Kay says
You asshole..how can you talk about another human being like that..you should have your mouth washed out with soap lol god. you really need to open ur eyes and look at her..shes trying and ur just another asshole who get off at seeing her fail..but she won’t she will never fail.
franny ann says
thats why britneys single has reached number 3 in the american charts based on massive download sales if thats anythink 2 go by the album wont underproform
Adam Gade says
Won’t fail?! Oh I’m sure her track record in your mind looks golden, doesn’t it? In non-Bizarro world, however, she ranks up there in galactic failures.
JBollocks says
Shit, I lasted less than a minute before blindly reaching for the very cheap red wine I favour.
I’ll try to watch the rest after a few more glasses.
KiNG says
Britney’s new album Blackout will be a smash. Gimme More is at #3 on Billboard Hot 100 and everyone expects that it will hit #1 this week. Britney will definitely give you more when it comes to her music. She has even better songs than Gimme More, and she will make better videos than Gimme More video is. There is no such thing as bad publicity for Britney. She sold more than 75 million records.
jamie says
83 million albums sold world wide a new album thats better than the previous four and im glad gimme more is doing so well in the US as im sure it will over here in the UK aswell.when you start to get a little dissapointed with britney like i did she just comes up with a banging tune and probably an awsome album i cant wait.give her a little respect god damn it i think she,s earned that.”BLACKOUT NO 1 ON TOP 200 BILLBOARD ALBUMS”i can see that headline now.
sam says
omg man, u really hating on her.i actually never bought her first couple albums, they had one or two good songs, but this new album is a great Dance CD,it will burn the clubs up and girlfriends all over will be grooving to it especially break the ice and Hot as ice.
alicia says
I will be a Britney fan forever, but this album
isn’t really that incredible to say the least.
I am very dissapointed. I love electronic music,
but for the millions of dollars her label pumped
into this, i’d be asking that downloadable music program Fruity Loops to look into how many of their instruments and sequencers were used without changing the sound, i mean her producers could have at least written the music rather than sampled pre-recorded synths. I love Her, but i will have to give this record a shocking c-
alicia says
Britney, oh man..gurl u had us rootin fo u gurl, whut in tha hell iz thiz shid, it like rihanna & blondie hava robot baby, gurl i luv u but u iz str8 up wacked out
Raj says
Americans are stupid. They believe gossip columns. Just because someone goes bald, they say she is drugged up. Im not a fan of britney, but im sick of ppl bringing her down just because apparantly she is bald, divorced and is a party gal. I mean common, she is young let her party, its not like u neva went out partyin wit ur frenz. Juz coz she flashed her #^#$^, doesnt mean she is a bad gal. U guys r just so mean to her… I think she is a gr8 entertainer who shouldn be in a country like america, where all the public do is read gossip columns and sends hundreds of paparazzi to a human just to fine faults in her ‘perfect’ life.
Adam Gade says
Ok, Raj, I’ll make a generous offer to you. Seeing as how you probably aren’t residing in my US of A, how about we ship Britney to wherever you are or a country of your choice and you can have her on full lease for pennies a day! No refunds or returns, sorry.