You know what Britney Spears has to do if she wants to keep her kids? No, not try to wear a pair of knickers for once in her effing life – although that'd be a start – instead, Britney Spears has to undergo random drug testing.
According to the judge in the Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline custody bitchfight over their two young children, Britney Spears is a "habitual, frequent, and continuous" abuser of both drugs and alcohol, and if Britney Spears is serious about keeping her children, she'll need to submit herself to random drug tests to ensure that she's keeping her nose clean. "Huh?" you're probably thinking, "If Britney Spears is on drugs then why doesn't the judge immediately hand custody over to Kevin Federline?" And the answer to that is simple – because he's Kevin sodding Federline. Seriously, Britney Spears would need to set one of her babies on fire and throw it out of an aeroplane to make Kevin Federline even look like a halfway suitable custody prospect.
So a judge says that Britney Spears is on drugs. Weird, really – we always thought that passing out in nightclubs and shaving your head and projectile vomiting and covering yourself in shit and actually referring to yourself as the Antichrist were the sensible actions of a relentless sober mind. At least that's what we tell ourselves when we look in the mirror each morning, anyway.
But, anyway, according to the judge presiding over the Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline custody bitchfight, Britney Spears is on drugs and that needs to change if Britney Spears wants to keep repeatedly endangering the lives of Sean Preston and Jayden James instead of Kevin Federline in the future. Possibly thanks to the contents of the apparently shocking signed declaration given to the court by Britney Spears' former bodyguard Tony Barretto – which stated that Britney Spears was often nude and on drugs around her kids – the judge has ordered Britney Spears to undergo random drug testing, as AFP reports:
Los Angeles Superior Court judge Scott Gordon said that, according to evidence presented in closed door hearings, Spears, 25, remains a "habitual, frequent, and continuous" user of "controlled substances and alcohol," court documents showed. "The petitioner (Spears) is ordered to undergo testing for the use of controlled substances and alcohol," the court order stated. "Testing shall be conducted twice per week on random dates and times."
As well as the random drug testing – the results of which may well still see Britney Spears losing custody of her children – Britney Spears has also been ordered to see a therapist once a week, although finding a therapist willing to put up with an hour of listening to a deluded redneck screeching "My heel broke! It was my heel!" each week will probably be an unusually tough job. And in addition to that, Britney Spears has also been ordered to hire a parenting coach – lessons one and two presumably being 'Don't drive around with your kid on your lap' and 'Try not to smash any more infant skulls.'
And, yes, we know we've pointed this out time and time again, but maybe being ordered to undergo random drug tests will be what Britney Spears needs to help claw her way out of her current downward spiral. Or maybe Britney Spears will just be Britney Spears and get round the drug tests by investing in a Whizzinator, although we pray to god this doesn't happen. Not only would that show that Britney Spears is compulsively incapable of dealing with any form of responsibility, but – let's face it – it'd only be a matter of days before Britney Spears is pictured getting out of a car with a veiny prosthetic latex penis dangling out the bottom of her skirt. And hasn't the world suffered enough for that?
Read more:
Court-Ordered Drug Testing Latest Body Blow For Britney Spears – AFP
Rudi says
This is sad – a beautiful talented young woman on the verge of self destruction. Instead of trying to help her the American media and people
are bend on trashing her even more. Yes her antics are freightening but I think this is what will happen to someone who has been used, abused and dumped.
Her former “husband” who took a vow to love and protect her just used her as his ticket to fame, glory and riches. Young and naive she married him out of
what she thought was love and ended up the way she is now.
The once darling of the american media is now a rag on the floor.
Please someone needs to help her sort out her problems so that she can continue to be the shinning star she used to be.
She probably needs to get rid of her ‘posse’ and find a new posse that will uplift, motivate, inspire and guide her in the right direction.
Wake up America and stop bashing your icons – help her!
Jacob Kasza says
This was her own doing. She made her bed. Now she has to lie in it. Accountability is paramount when you have minor children involved. It’s as simple as that.
Steve says
Rudi,
As an American, I can tell you: there is only a handful of Americans that bash Britney Spears, and only another handful who want to rush to her aid. The rest of us see a spoiled little brat who refuses to realize her actions have consequences, and we’re tired of hearing about where she passed out next, or what trash she’s drinking with, or who she’s skinny-dipping with.
These are the actions of a child with no discipline. Not a responsible 25-year old woman.
You say: “Someone needs to help her”, but I think you should say: “She needs someone to help her.” A vast difference. This woman is not responsible enough for her own well-being, much less the lives of two young children.
She is no more a victim than is her ex-husband. The sooner she assumes some responsibility for her actions, the sooner she can begin to live a valuable life which may or may not include being a celebrity. Frankly, I’m tired of hearing about her.
She has been offered help MANY MANY times. When is enough, enough? No one has forced her to do anything. She is a creature of free-will, and she is living the life she wants to live. She has created this reality.
When will the right, magical person step up to the plate and offer her the help she needs?? When she decides to start acting like an adult — that right, magical person is Britney Spears. No one else can help her.
Wake up, Rudi, and stop projecting her responsibility on someone else. I’m curious to know where you’re from. It wouldn’t be England, would it? Land of drive-your-princess-into-a-deadly-car-crash, would it?
Michelle says
I completely agree with you, Rudi. I’m an American and I feel very sorry for Britney and the mess she and her life has become.
She obviously has many serious problems and a negative atmosphere that her family, entourage (or lack thereof) and American media isn’t helping her much. She needs a nurturing group of people around her, and she also needs to not be focusing on her “comeback.” She needs to focus on her family, her children, and her children’s future. She needs people who know how to tell her NO and not be enablers.
I think she’s due for a real intervention, and she needs to step out of the spotlight until her life is back in order. Just think of how great her comeback would be if she puts her life together and comes back as a stable, happy and clean woman.
Bing says
I agree. Give the girl a break. Yes, she does need to cut the crap and grow up, but the media is only adding fuel to the fire.
GM says
I believe that having Britney go through these steps will allow her to be a better mother but what about Keven.
He needs to go through the same process that Britney is going through.
If they really care for their kids they would do what ever it takes for them.
Adam Gade says
She’s not my icon. As per Shitney’s bad luck? It’s called the Laws of Averages (Law of Large Numbers for sticklers), look it up. In short, she had it coming.
Adam Gade says
Actually Steve, Paris, France (the tunnel) is land of “drive-your-princess-into-a-deadly-car-crash.” By the way, never, ever again use that many hyphens.
KP says
Yes, The media is only adding fuel to the fire and that also includes everyone handling her case! If Britney goes through the drug test, what abt Kfed? He shave his hair as well, isn’t that as suspicious as well? What made that guy a credible witness since he was sacked? Kfed wears ear-ring, smoke, behave like a pimp, is that a role model father? Why isn’t he require to share 50% of his time with his 2 other kids by the first ex and get childcare support including schedule time etc…? Seriously, Kfed caring for Britney’s kids are questionable. Why does Britney need to pay the childcare support since it’s a 50/50 deal as Kfed already received the m$ for the sales of the house? Is there 2 law standards for 2 women who go through the same divorce procedure? Everybody is seriously driving her up the wall! Will it really made everybody happy if they won’t be seeing Britney anymore and then starts to ponder what went wrong? She need to be happy and live her own life and seriously sharing 50/50 custody with so many conditions tie down isn’t doing in her favor as well as the kids in the long run! Both like to party but cannot party together cos’ they are seriously not compatible, having different friends etc..Rightfully, each parent should be awarded 1 child each and move on with their own lives without the need to torment one another!