Ever since Britney Spears staggered around like a tranquilised bear during Sunday's MTV VMAs, even her closest friends have distanced themselves from her – that's right; Britney Spears' vagina has made another bid for freedom.
It's emerged that on Sunday night after the VMAs – possibly after consulting the Big Book Of Ways To Make Career-Destroying Fuck-Ups Even Worse – Britney Spears went out partying in Las Vegas with her brother. And no knickers. Luckily for the three partially-sighted Chinese pensioners who still haven't seen what Britney Spears' vagina looks like, a passing photographer was kind enough to take a snap of Britney's snapper. And now, after an MTV VMA performance so bad that people are now thinking back fondly to Kevin Federline's solo career and the new vagina-flashing incident, it's possible that this as bad as it gets for Britney Spears. And we've seen Crossroads, so that's really saying something.
At least now we can forget all that stuff about Britney Spears being the Antichrist – after all, the devil is supposed to have the best tunes. If there was a saying that said 'the devil has all the tunes that sound like a tenth-rate Justin Timberlake B-side, and he performs them in the style of a marionette puppet being operated by a heroin addict' then there might be a case. But after Britney Spears' trainwreck MTV VMA performance on Sunday, we think we can rule all that out now.
By now there won't be a single one of you who won't be aware of Britney Spears' badly-mimed, flabby-gutted, half-hearted opening of the MTV VMAs on Sunday – just about every media outlet in the world has come to the conclusion that Britney Spears at the VMAs was the very worst thing by anyone in the history of all mankind including wars and genocide – but the way that Britney Spears reacted to the critical belting she took just goes to prove that you should never try to second-guess a woman who likes to shave her head and attack cars with umbrellas.
Where a sensible human being would reason that, after stumbling around a stage like a listless old woman looking for her keys during a show as high-profile as the MTV VMAs, the best thing for Britney Spears to do would be to keep out of everyone's way until all the fuss died down, Britney Spears herself had other ideas – she went out and partied hard. Parted hard with her vagina hanging out like a sack of unfrozen chicken giblets. IOL reports:
Britney Spears has shocked again, flashing her panty-less private parts at a paparazzi photographer after her performance at Sunday night's MTV Video Music Awards. Spears exposed herself while stepping into an awaiting limousine after leaving Las Vegas' Bellagio hotel, where she partied with brother Bryan after her embarrassing awards show performance… A bystander said: "What is she thinking? She's a mother of two and here she is flashing her goods to the world!"
Of course, this isn't the first time that Britney Spears has pointed her vagina at a photographer and demanded that he capture the gruesomeness in all its mind-melting glory – back at the end of last year Britney Spears got her vagina out so much that she was eventually forced to apologise for her own minge. And now she's at it again. Quite why Britney Spears decided to go out with no knickers so soon after humiliating herself in front of the whole world in such a pitiful way is beyond us. Was she trying to divert attention away from what she got up to at the MTV VMAs? Was that the magic trick that Criss Angel was supposed to have dreamed up for Britney Spears' performance? If the photographer had stuck around, would an amniotic fluid-drenched rabbit have clawed its way out of her tumpsy? We guess we'll never know.
But, despite whatever embarrassment that Britney Spears might feel after getting her vagina out so soon after ballsing up her MTV VMA performance in such a hideous way, at least the vagina – coupled with the unsuitably skimpy hooker outfit she wore at the VMAs – means that the only parts of Britney Spears' body we haven't seen this week are her nipples and her vocal chords. And something tells us we aren't going to see her vocal chords any time soon.