Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse! It’s a whole lot of fun, with prizes to be won, it’s the real crazy show where anything goes… Wait, no – that’s Pat Sharp’s Fun House. We always get the two confused.

Anyway, Dollhouse – the hit US show about zombified (kinda) prostitutes (ish) who live in a spa (sort of) and have had their personalities stolen (OR HAVE THEY?) by an evil corporation (OR IS IT?), and are implanted with new ones (OR ARE THEY?), then hired out by rich perverts/pop stars/the FBI for weekly adventures (STILL WITH US?) – is returning for a second season.

Summer Glau,…

Remember being a teenager in the 90s? Remember the TV shows we used to watch back then?

The pattern was nearly always the same: the actors were all way too old, the morals were way too obvious and the girl next door way was too hot to be real…

Great days, I’m sure we all agree. But who were the hottest hotties who made us really come of age back then?

Steven Seagal – the man, the legend – is back, and no it’s not in an Orange advert (or in a Mountain Dew advert).

To be fair, he never really went away. Since 1992’s Under Siege, he has appeared in over 30 films – all of which have very similar themes, including  Half Past Dead, Attack Force, Kill Switch and the subtly titled Today You Die.

Seagal doesn’t just turn up and frown at the camera, though. For his 2005 film Into the Sun he not only starred, but wrote and produced the movie as well as recorded its soundtrack.  The man is multi-talented.…

Watch out kids, mum’s gone to Iceland. To see if you can snort ice, that is.

After all, Kerry Katona’s had all of the good stuff, and we’re reduced to sniffing up crushed ice, cat litter and chopped up Junior Disprol through our tenners instead.

We at hecklerspray want to do all we can to get as mullered as La Katona – after all, getting as high as a kite (made out of shell suit material obviously) is doing her the world of good. Just think, Kerry used to be married to the one out of Westlife who looked like the…

They say if you can remember the 1960s, you weren’t really there.

Well likewise we’d argue if you can remember the 1980s, then you probably didn’t spend it playing on your Commodore 64. Inside that humble beige and black keyboard lurked a monster of an entertainment system.

No doubt fan-boys of the ZX Spectrum will argue till they’re blue(er) in the face that their beloved machine was superior – but, quite frankly, we can’t hear them over all their jealousy.

This week the scum-rags have told us about children’s star Sportacus visiting a young fan who has lost his limbs and doing press-ups and a one-handed handstand in front of him (the definition of rubbing it in surely?) and publishing the name and photos of Baby P’s mum, and then getting cross that she’ll need a new identity.

But we’re guessing you don’t want to unwind in your lunch-hour with quite such dark matter. Well then let’s talk about Kerry Katona, a woman addicted to, and almost biologically allergic to, being famous.

Compiling this list of the greatest kid’s cartoon theme tunes, you’re on to a loser from the off.

You’re bound to disgust those who feel their first choice was left out. You’ll bloody the noses of those who can’t believe you put their cherished memory so low in the rankings. And you’ll almost certainly suffer the slings and arrows of those who think you’re wallowing in pointless nostalgia.

Well, balls to them. There’s nothing like a trip down memory lane to get those endorphins pumping – so let’s wander idly along, humming the tunes that preceded our infant distractions, recalling with a…

The overall impression I got from reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas was that he was taking drugs and reporting back so that you didn’t have to.

Well this week’s been the same for me, but instead of the mind-expanding world that concerned Thompson, I am committed to the mind-reducing ignorance of the tabloids. Maybe, when I’m standing next to Littlejohn on the white cliffs of Dover shouting expletives in the direction of Europe you’ll remember the sacrifice I made so that you could be enlightened and tolerant.

This week: Jordan and Peter Andre and their continuing slow-motion car-crash of a divorce…

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