Sometimes there isn’t music ugly enough to tell you how you feel.

Of course, by ugly, that doesn’t mean a withered hand chopping out power chords with someone singing who makes Thom Yorke look like Mr Universe. No, we’re talking about No Fi.

Absolutely zero in terms of fidelity means checking out the skuzz-pop of Mazes who record their music through the speakers on their telly.

Here’s one (not) made earlier.

In a movie industry dominated by action hero sequels, re-makes and Judd Apatow productions, there sometimes comes a long a comedy that truly is the cream on top of the cake.

Whip It follows Bliss Cavendar, an unhappy teen trapped in her small Texan town, until she discovers a hard core roller derby league in Austin. Bliss soon discovers that sometimes you need to grab life by the wheels and roll on out your own destiny.

You know at Crufts when a dog is lanked up unto its hind legs, invariably by a dotty old lady in saggy tights, and made to jig around? You do?

Urr, you watch Crufts. What a turd. Anyway, that’s beside the point. After the jump is a video of a dancing dog. A Riverdancing dog. We’d be inclined to call it the Michael Flatley that humps your leg afterwards, but we’ve seen Michael Flatley and have a feeling that Michael Flatley is the Michael Flatley that humps your leg afterwards.

Anyway, the video – possibly faked – is after the jump…

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Everyone loves a sequel, and everyone else loves a remake.

After all, why should you have to get to know confusing new characters and unfamiliar situations when what you really want is a temporary lobotomy to shield you from the trials and banalities of actual life? It’s far more comforting to see a slightly different version of something you already know about, like the recent TRANSFORMERS 2: HELL YES and STAR TREK: BUT FASTER.

With that in mind, I’ve come up with a list of films for you to watch next summer while you sink into your air conditioned seat, overdosing on…

Is the age of the sitcom really over?

Purists would no doubt argue that it is; pointing to once beloved shows like Fawlty Towers and Blackadder having been killed off by the rise of single-camera shows like The Office or The Peep Show.

We don’t bother getting bogged down in pointless debates like these, far better to spend many happy minutes reminiscing about what it was that made classic sit-coms like Red Dwarf so great in the first place.

It’s good when C-list celebrities share their political views isn’t it? Like the time Lee Ryan Out Of Blue told America to stop harping on about 9/11 because an elephant had just died somewhere. Or words to that effect.

What’s even better than C-list celebrities sharing their political opinions is Z-list celebrities espousing their theological beliefs.

Recently it was the turn of Speech Debelle to emit some spiritual pellets of wisdom.

Folk music was once the language of impoverished people singing about their first born getting hung by poshos and the cries of a people in chains, repressed by other poshos.

Then, at some point in history, folk music stopped being a language, but rather, something powered by its sense of own self worth. Riffs recycled, along with the tin cans that once housed organic pulses and the like. It’s enough to make you puke, especially when the NuFolkies end up flogging their faux DIY charms to a Daewoo commercial or some junk.

Twee and insipid seems to be the way to…

Yesterday we published a story claiming that Harry Potter star Emma Watson travelled to her new university by helicopter. Guess what? She didn’t.

We’ve been informed by her management that Emma Watson actually travelled to university by car, that no helicopters were involved whatsoever and that the source of our story was a big bag of lies. We’re also told that Emma is very upset at the idea of her travelling to university by helicopter, and so we’d like to unreservedly apologise to her.

And we probably won’t repeat stuff we read in The Daily Mail from now on, either. Sorry.

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