Back in the late 90s, you couldn't move for Steps. The sexually androgynous fivesome were on every TV show going, polluting people?s eyes with their garish costumes and annoyingly catchy dance moves.
Although they were generally held accountable for the music charts breakdown, and the antithesis of how well music was doing after that dreadful New Romantic nonsense in the 80s, they were great.
People with sense (read: liked Nirvana and ?proper music?, as well as people who use air quotes) hated them because they were uncomplicated bubblegum pop, and spawned a whole legion of imitators that wanted to get children begging their parents for whatever corporate product they were shilling that month. Can anyone remember A*Teens and the allegedly IRA-sponsored B*witched? If you were in a band, you needed to have an asterisk in your name. It became de rigeur to not spell things the correct way. Maybe they couldn't credit fans with the correct spelling.
Maybe they were all just outrageously dyslexic.
Well Steps were the forefathers of all these pretenders, and pretty much ruled over mainsteam media until their abrupt split on Boxing Day 2001, just days after they released their greatest hits album. A more cynical person might say that this was just a ploy to get one last album out before they split. And that cynical person would probably be right, and probably should get a pat on the back.
The reasons behind why they did split was always a closely guarded secret, like the Holy Grail, or Cher?s real face, but ten years after their split, and presumably as their bank balances have been dwindling close to part time McDonald?s employee status, the fivesome have joined forces again, in association with Sky Living.
Steps Reunion is the product of that reunion, and was a blooming good attempt at making the viewer feel sorry for the five people who, ten years ago, wanted people to rip their eyes and make eye soup, just so they had something hot to throw in H?s face.
It turns out that the reasons behind the split are a beautiful mixture of nepotism and egocentrism, mainly on the part of Ian ?H for Hyperactive? Watkins and Claire ?Look look, I'm thin, no I'm fat, no I'm thin? Richards. Watkins was boffing the manager and started to get a bigger part (no pun intended, you filthy monsters) and that annoyed other members of the group, and Claire had basically had enough and wasn?t getting enough eclairs. So she thought ?I know what I'll do! I'll take my dangly tonsils elsewhere and see who else will pay me millions for singing some Bananarama and Bee Gees songs.?
Obviously we're paraphrasing. we're not allowed into the inner sanctum of Steps, and probably never will be. But Steps Reunion makes us want to try that little bit harder.
?Dramatic? footage, made more poignant by playing that Adele song everyone loves, illustrated times when the band were coming to the end of their collective career, and as the five started their journey back together for one last time, we were treated to lots of back seat chauffeured speculation about how they were feeling about getting back together. They were all very nervous. Luckily. Imagine how the tension would have been broken if Lisa Scott-Lee was more concerned with remembering her Oyster card.
Steps Reunion is finally answering the questions that no one was asking, and we can't wait for part two. Where H and Claire sit down with the other three and explain why they broke up the band. we're guessing that H won't be that bothered.
Strangely enough, there's a new Steps Greatest Hits album out to coincide with this series, but who are we to throw cynical aspersions on this? We can probably leave you to make your own mind up. *cough* corporate ploy *cough*
This article was written, blindfolded, by the debauched nincompoop Robin Darke who you can find out more on via this stream of twaddle.
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Gaz says
Wonderful journalism here guys. Where were you taught?? Spacksville. STEPS were never everyone’s cup of tea… But they were for thousands, good luck to them I say…. The charts are absent of happy pop songs that stand the test of time, like ABBA… and I liken Steps to them.
Si Sharp says
there’s a glaring problem with that last sentence though isn’t there? Ask the average person what ABBA songs they know and they’ll reel off a list as long as your arm. Ask them what Steps songs they know and they’ll mention a Bee Gees song.
Mangosta says
You can liken any one thing to any other thing; Steps to ABBA, crisps to caviar, a novelty teapot to Dunstable bus station. It doesn’t make them alike or of similar quality.
That said, Dunstable and Spacksville are a fair comparison.
Gareth says
I was merely pointing out how popular they were…. alongside Abba, that’s my opinion and luckily I am entitled to that as you are to disagree. But if you were to ask the general public “What Steps songs do you know apart from Tragedy”… They would infact have a few to give… Any covers aside… One for sorrow, deeper shade of blue are pretty big…. Anyway my point is, if you don’t like them fair enough but why comment??…
Gaz says
And before you say “Because I want to comment” or “Because it’s my right” etc etc… Yes that’s true but why would you seek it out to comment if you don’t like them?… For example I would seek out a band I don’t like and comment on their news story? If I don’t like them, I don’t seek it out. Just a thought….
amyblue says
Every time I try to remember a Steps song it turns out to be a bloody S Club 7 song, this makes me wish I was dead and cry. I’m sure this ‘reunion’ doc will be, in keeping with the band, oddly neutered. If they had marketed it as the bitch fight of the century with the girls shouting “you fat cow” at each other for half an hour I would have been sold!
Roll on S Club Grudge Match – Cage Fight Edition.