The Pussycat Dolls are NOT splitting up. No. Definitely not.

If there’s one rule in pop music that is set in stone, it’s that news that bands are breaking up are immediately preceded by a denial that they are breaking up. So when a representative for Pussycat Dolls announced that, contrary to rumours, the band are NOT breaking up, they just substantially added to those very same rumours.

Pussycat Dolls famously made a career out of a single (Don’t Cha) whose subtext was ‘we’ll do that thing in the bedroom that made your girlfriend scream “eww, no” when you suggested it that night after you came…

Hollywood Records is a label imprint for the Walt Disney Company.

Therefore they have a truly horrible roster of ’stars’ like Hayden Panettiere and Vanessa Hudgens. Although I will pretty much listen to any tween piece of crap, some of this stuff is truly bone-chilling. The label pretty much makes its money solely on the premise that if teenagers like to see rubbish actors in movies, they will LOVE hearing them sing. Unfortunately for us, this appears to be true. Basically, being an artist on Hollywood records is like being a chef at McDonalds.

Prime examples after the jump…

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Whilst clearly his death was proof enough that Michael Jackson wasn’t forever, now his hair can be.

It’s reported that some of Jacko’s locks are to be turned into diamonds to give weepy, creepy, monied fans a way of remembering the King of Pop.

But don’t worry, a morbid jeweller didn’t sneak into the Staples Center with a pair of scissors, whilst everyone was transfixed at that man with the scary eyes – the hair is from 1984.

What would you get if you went back in time, kidnapped Aled Jones before his voice broke, transported him to Germany to whip off his bits, turned them inside-out like a glove, then gave him a blonde asymmetrical fringe, and access to bland music software?

You’d get Teutonic transgender pop sensation, Kim Petras. Or that gurning bisexual one out of Blue. But this isn’t about him.

This is about German 16-year-old Kim Petras who has lived as a girl for most of her life, but only had her man-bits remodelled by surgeons last year, and is celebrating by saturating the three-figure…

Cars are people too, you know. Oh wait, no. No they’re not. Cars aren’t people. They’re cars. Even in Transformers cars aren’t people. They’re uncomfortably racist-seeming cars.

However! The Fiat 500 deserves to be treated like a human because it’s lovely and small and cute and everything. And what do you do to humans? You celebrate their birthdays. So here’s a video of some people singing Happy Birthday to a Fiat 500. You also have sex with humans. But you shouldn’t have sex with a Fiat 500. You definitely doing this.

Anyway, by posting this video we’re hoping that Fiat will send us…

Every week our inbox is crammed full of press releases. We’re sent anywhere between 100 and 200 on an average day.

We also receive emails from readers, from the bizarre to the outstanding, and as such have decided to start and irregular and possible weekly feature whereby we reveal YOUR letters to our 750,000+ unique monthly users.

So here’s the first one. We’re thinking that this might be for real, or it might be a television show, or it might be a joke, or worse. But if you fit the category of ‘single male geek’ and want to help a reader out…

For most sane people Twilight is synonymous with a lot of things, none of them good. But here is a rundown of all the things that give this awful franchise its faecal aftertaste.

Like vomit in an open sewer or Paris Hilton in a Uwe Boll movie, here is proof that you can make a bad thing worse.

Ladies and gentlemen, the top five worst things about Twilight…

Has Nick Leeson just been arrested for his part in the downfall of Barings bank? Has eBay just been founded? Has Rose West just been sentenced for the killing of 10 women and children?

No, that’s because it’s not 1995 any more (sorry, mid-90s fans). But looking at some headlines you might be forgiven for thinking that it’s 1995, because the WAR between Oasis and Blur is back ON. Apparently.