Rapping isn’t easy. Your average hip-hop track has an album’s worth of words, which across the whole of a hip-hop long player, is an astonishing amount of lyrics and themes to tackle. The best switch between styles, influenced by reggae toasters, jazz scats and some even invent their own envelope to push.
However, there’s a whole host of really rotten rappers out there who spit the prose in the most clunky, rhythmless manner. It’s pretty bad when you, a bona fide hip hop superstar, can be outrapped by The Anfield Rap.
No matter though! You would-be superstars of hip hop need not worry because we have a list of dreadful MCs to look at so you can learn from their mistakes. Avoid what they do, and you could be the next Tyler the Creator or Rakim!
But first thing’s first. How do you rap fast?
Well, nerd-hop superstar in the making, Watsky, has got together with a goat in SanFran and delivered a super quick advert for the Samsung SH100 in what may well be the fastest how-to guide ever made.
Basically, it’s a dinky device which is WiFi enabled, so you can snap and share your awful photographs really easily. Almost like a mobile phone.
So, here’s our nerd-hop star rapping really quickly about a camera. With a goat.
So, you’ve seen someone rapping really speedily. What about the slowest of the slow? Well, if you think we’ve missed any out, feel free to swear at us in disgust in the comments. Here’s our pantheon of lame.
Shaquille O’Neal
Shaq was under the illusion of greatness when he performed ‘I Know I Got Skillz’. That may well have been true on the basketball court, but on the mic… well… see for yourself.
Dee Dee Ramone
More ill-advised than Shaq was the Ramones’ Dee Dee who, under the name Dee Dee King, made one of the most hilariously awful rap records ever. Not only that, but his voice sounds less like an easy, rhythmical flow, but rather, Cartman in a headlock.
Kanye West
Kanye is a slow, slow rapper. This is underlined in this friendly freestyle battle with Mos Def. Watch Mos’ polite laugh and praise as Kanye trips over his ego and tongue repeatedly.
Mr T
Ah, Mr T. The archetypal bad rapper. Perhaps this is the worst tribute to mothers around the world, ever.
Turbo B
“I’m the lyrical Jesse James” cried Turbo B of Snap! Jesse James was shot in the head while dusting by a man with TB who topped himself in a tent. Mad skillz.
Chicago Bears’ Super Bowl Shuffle
Sports stars should rarely sing. This Chicago Bears rap is probably the worst of the bunch (only marginally pipping this atrocity from Basil Boli and Chris Waddle). Just kick back and drink all this in.
Nelly
He had a band-aid on his face. This signified that his brain was held together by sticking plasters, hence the rap prowess of someone on a ward, coming out of heavy sedation.
Soulja Boy
Perhaps the slowest rapper of them all and, mystifyingly, a gigantic success. Honestly, no offence intended, but he raps like Marlee Matlin.
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oldboy says
giggs.
not lame but v e e e r y sloooooooow
Joe Momma says
Rap is on the same level as pop. Some wannabe Dr. Seuss writes up a song for a pumped up bubble head read/sings/crows, meanwhile the ‘machine’ in the background does everything. Same fast-food-disposable music that gets churned out year after year after year.
R&B is the same thing. Have the music changed at all since Whitney Huston was popular to now? Not quite.