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Shia LaBeouf

Transformers 2 Trailer Online & Identical To Transformers 1

by Stuart Heritage

Transformers 2 is undoubtedly going to be one of the biggest movies of 2009. Well, OK, maybe not ‘biggest’.

Maybe we meant ‘loudest’. Or ‘most pointless’. Or something. Look, anyway, none of this matters because there’s a brand-new teaser trailer for Transformers 2 after the jump, and we’re about to show it to you – while giving you the full lowdown on it – after the jump.

Alternatively, if you’ve seen the first Transformers movie, you might not want to bother watching the Transformers 2 trailer. It’s exactly the same. Exactly. Seriously, we’re not joking. Avoid the Transformers 2 trailer like the plague. You’re not listening, are you?

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Shia LaBeouf’s Driving Licence Gets Mercifully Suspended

by Stuart Heritage

People say that Shia LaBeouf should stay away from cars, but really they just mean the movie Transformers.

Because, really, Transformers was pants. But, anyway, now Shia LaBeouf really does have to keep away from cars – he’s had his driving licence suspended for a year following that crash of his last summer.

But just because Shia LaBeouf faces a year without driving a car, it’s no great loss – he’s just as skilled at riding motorcycles and swinging around on monkey vines and being carried by big ants and however else he travelled around in that bloody awful Indiana Jones film.

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Batman 3: The Riddler Is… Wait, Eddie Murphy? Really?

by Stuart Heritage

First the good news: it seems likely that the Batman 3 casting rumours can end now. Are you ready for the bad news?

The bad news is that Batman 3 director Christopher Nolan appears to have banged his head quite hard on a doorframe and is badly concussed. We’ve deduced this thanks to reports that Nolan has signed Eddie Murphy to play The Riddler in Batman 3. Eddie bloody Murphy.

But it’s not all bad, because it’s not as if he’s also signed Shia LaBeouf to play Robin in Batman 3 as well, is it? It is? Christopher Nolan, you great big sod, what have you done?

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Eagle Eye Flips Its Truck To The Top Of The Weekend Box Office

by Stuart Heritage

This is how much of a superstar Shia LaBeouf is now – he can get a film like Eagle Eye to the top of the weekend box office.

Now, true, that might not seem like a big deal, given that Eagle Eye’s big US weekend box office competition came in the form of two of the worst movies ever made, but don’t let that fool you – Eagle Eye’s pretty terrible too, you know.

How terrible? Terrible in that it’s about Shia LaBeouf running around following orders barked at him by an unseen force. That’s right – Eagle Eye is basically the first half of the first season of 24, except that Shia LaBeouf doesn’t even get to shoot any foreigners in the face, and he doesn’t have a trouble-prone booby teenage daughter. That’s how rubbish Eagle Eye is.

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Shia LaBeouf Far Too Adorable To Be Charged With DUI

by Stuart Heritage

Wow, this really is a lucky escape for Shia LaBeouf – every single copy of his bad new movie Eagle Eye has been destroyed in a fire.

Only kidding. In reality Shia LaBeouf has had another kind of lucky escape that’s less lucky than nobody being able to ever watch that rubbish new film of his but still lucky nonetheless – he won’t be charged for DUI after flipping his car upside down a few months ago.

It’s not all good news, though, because Shia could still lose his licence for up to nine months, because he refused to submit to a breathalyzer test. Worse still, Shia LaBeouf’s crash-mangled hand means that the only movies that he’s currently being considered for are The Jeremy Beadle Story, Jeremy Beadle Goes To Outer Space and a little-known erotic thriller entitled Let Me Lick Your Wrist-Nub.

Wow, this really is a lucky escape for Shia LaBeouf - every single copy of his bad new movie Eagle Eye has been destroyed in a fire. Only kidding. In reality Shia LaBeouf has had another kind of lucky escape that's less lucky than nobody being able to ever watch that rubbish new film of his but still lucky nonetheless - he won't be charged for DUI after flipping his car upside down a few months ago. It's not all good news, though, because Shia could still lose his licence for up to nine months, because he refused to submit to a breathalyzer test. Worse still, Shia LaBeouf's crash-mangled hand means that the only movies that he's currently being considered for are The Jeremy Beadle Story, Jeremy Beadle Goes To Outer Space and a little-known erotic thriller entitled Let Me Lick Your Wrist-Nub.
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Disturbia Sued For Copying Rear Window, Not For Being Dreck

by Stuart Heritage

Original ideas are thin on the ground in Hollywood because, as everyone knows, we’re all idiots and new ideas turn us into terrified cavemen.

That’s why most of the films released these days are either remakes, adaptations, sequels or big honking primary-coloured idiot trumpets starring Adam Sandler called Duh: My Is Yes LOL. But at least we can all say that the Shia LaBeouf movie Disturbia is completely original and pioneering and one of a kind. Even though it’s sort of identical to Rear Window.

That’s something the estate of the man who owns the rights to Rear Window seem to have just figured out, because they’re suing Disturbia producer Steven Spielberg over all the similarities to their story. But it’s obvious that Disturbia and Rear Window are completely different movies – Rear Window didn’t want to make us punch ourselves unconscious, for example.

Original ideas are thin on the ground in Hollywood because, as everyone knows, we're all idiots and new ideas turn us into terrified cavemen. That's why most of the films released these days are either remakes, adaptations, sequels or big honking primary-coloured idiot trumpets starring Adam Sandler called Duh: My Is Yes LOL. But at least we can all say that the Shia LaBeouf movie Disturbia is completely original and pioneering and one of a kind. Even though it's sort of identical to Rear Window. That's something the estate of the man who owns the rights to Rear Window seem to have just figured out, because they're suing Disturbia producer Steven Spielberg over all the similarities to their story. But it's obvious that Disturbia and Rear Window are completely different movies - Rear Window didn't want to make us punch ourselves unconscious, for example.
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Megan Fox Drinks Vinegar, Takes Her Top Off and Pretends to be a Lesbian

by Ian Dransfield

Going directly against the orders of Michael Bay, Megan Fox seems to be doing exactly the opposite to piling on some poundage. Whereas the explosion-loving director ordered every young boy in the world’s wet dream to put some weight on for Transformers 2, the actress has revealed that she instead decides to clean herself out [...]

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Shia LaBeouf Keeps His Finger, Loses His Shot as New Indy. Rest of the World: Happy at Outcome.

by Ian Dransfield

For once it would appear that there’s some good news about Shia LaBeouf – both with regards to his mangled hand and his movie career. In news sure to bring a smile to The Beef’s little face, it turns out that his recent car accident will not result in the amputation of his little finger, [...]

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Morgan Freeman Has a Car Accident: is ‘Recovering’

by Ian Dransfield

Unfortunately, it’s not a DVD outtake for Driving Miss Daisy – that would be much easier to make light of. No – Morgan Freeman is the latest to be involved in the so-called ‘curse’ of The Dark Knight, after he was involved in a car accident on Sunday night, which officials referred to as ‘serious’. [...]

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Shia LaBeouf Selfishly Forces Transformers 2 to be Completely (Slightly) Changed

by Ian Dransfield

It’s something we’ve all been taught from a young age, from our days of appearing in school productions of whatever rubbish the teachers thought our parents may want to see: don’t ruin your body parts when you’re playing the lead character. It’s something that maybe, possibly just should have been taught to everyone’s favourite beef [...]

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