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Shia LaBeouf

Shia LaBeouf’s Car Crash Not Shia LaBeouf’s Fault, Apparently

by Stuart Heritage

We all know what happened to Shia LaBeouf this weekend – he got in his car drunk, drove it around all like “I’m the kid from Transformers! Wooo!” and then flipped it upside down.

Or did he? Detectives working on the case have revealed that Shia only crashed because the car he ploughed into had just run a red light. That means, according to the detectives, that Shia LaBeouf was not at fault for the crash at all. So what happened?

Well, using our powerful skills of deduction we’ve worked out that, although he isn’t at fault, Shia LaBeouf still may or may not have been drunk while he was driving the car before the crash. However, we can determine for certain that a) Shia LaBeouf is the kid from Transformers and b) Wooo.

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Shia LaBeouf’s Drunken Mangled Hand Keeps Him Off Transformers 2

by Stuart Heritage

There’s this great scene in the Transformers 2 script where Shia LaBeouf defeats Megatron forever by sewing a complex embroidery of a kitten in a sock.

But don’t expect it to show up in the finished movie, because Shia LaBeouf knackered his hand up something rotten in the drunken car crash that he was arrested for this weekend, and it’s ruled him out of any embroidery action – complex or otherwise – for the foreseeable.

Thanks to the extensive hand surgery he’s received in light of the crash, Shia LaBeouf is taking a month away from the production Transformers 2 to recover. But after that, the injuries won’t affect any of Shia LaBeouf’s other upcoming films, like The Spectacular Adventures Of Deformed Claw-Boy and Butchered Useless Finger-Stump: The Musical. Phew.

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Shia LaBeouf Arrested For The Old Glug Glug Vroom Vroom

by Stuart Heritage

It’s weird to think that Shia LaBeouf could ever get arrested for DUI, but that’s because he looks like he’s about six years old.

Honestly, look at Shia LaBeouf’s adorable little puppydog face – it’s as if a single drop of alcohol has never passed his lips. But apparently it has – early yesterday morning Shia LaBeouf was arrested on suspicion of DUI after he crashed his car in Hollywood.

Really though? Shia LaBeouf? DUI? There must be another explanation. Perhaps Shia was impaired on something other than alcohol, like Haribo or Um Bongo. And perhaps he only crashed his car because his adorable little legs couldn’t stretch all the way down to the pedals, the wubby little lamby wamb.

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Shia LaBeouf Says Bad Word: World Sheds Crocodile Tears

by Ian Dransfield

Shia LaBeouf has a daft name, that much most will agree on. It also seems he likes to call his friends daft names to prompt them into striking him in the face. Why ‘The Beef’ would want to be hit in the face is open to speculation – maybe he saw that Tarzan scene in [...]

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Shia LaBeouf Pleads Not Guilty To Smoking-Based Atrocity

by Stuart Heritage

Yesterday Shia LaBeouf was a fugitive on the run from the law, like Harrison Ford in that film Working Girl.

Not today, though – today Shia LaBeouf has faced his crimes like a man, like Harrison Ford in that film The Fugitive. Well, not ‘faced his crimes’ exactly – Shia LaBeouf has pleaded not guilty to the awful accusation that he smoked on a pavement once.

But at least Shia LaBeouf actually got around to entering a plea this time – up until that point he had an arrest warrant on his head for not tuning up to court at all. It’s a stern lesson to all that you can’t run from the law, no matter how adorably boyish your iddle widdle puppy cheeks are.

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Shia LaBeouf Is A Law-Breaking Smoker

by Stuart Heritage

It’s a good job that Shia LaBeouf has a face so adorable that it looks as if it’s been pieced together with moonbeams and kitten-fluff.

That’s because Shia LaBeouf is just about the crummiest law-breaker that the world has ever seen. After his recent arrest for standing a pharmacy for too long, Shia LaBeouf has now got in trouble for smoking cigarettes as well.

Worse still, Shia LaBeouf now has an arrest warrant on his head after skipping his smoking-based court appearance, something which stands to jeopardise his next fiendishly evil ruse – scrumping apples from Old Man McGee’s orchard to bake and sell a selection of delicious yet unlawful pies from his mother’s drive.

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Shia LaBeouf’s Trespassing Charges Dropped Forever

by Stuart Heritage

Up until very recently, Transformers star and full-time adorable man-puppy Shia LaBeouf was in a whole lot of trouble for trespassing.

Shia LaBeouf was arrested in a Chicago branch of Walgreens last month for appearing drunk and not leaving when a security guard asked him to – but all that trouble is far behind him now. Less than one minute after his hearing started earlier today, Shia LaBeouf quickly found out that Walgreens had written the court a letter wanting to drop the charges against him. Nobody knows what cause Walgreen’s sudden change of heart, but it’s thought that the key phrase from the letter was “Oh, how could I ever stay mad at an adorable face like yours? Ubba dubba dubba. Ubba dubba dubba. Ubba dubba dubba dubba dubba.”

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Shia LaBeouf Doesn’t Leave Pharmacy, Gets Arrested

by Stuart Heritage

Watch out Foxy Brown, there’s a new angry young thing causing trouble on the streets, and he looks a lot like the annoying child sidekick from Constantine – OK, actually he is the annoying child sidekick from Constantine.

That’s Shia LaBeouf from Transformers to you. Shia LaBeouf might just be the world’s next big movie superstar in the making, but that isn’t going to stop him from being a streetwalkin’ menace to society, as his arrest early on Sunday morning has proved. It’s been reported that Shia LaBeouf got himself arrested for trespassing after he, um, politely refused to leave a Chicago pharmacy a couple of times. Whatever next? The boy from Malcolm In The Middle getting busted for accidentally putting a green glass bottle in a brown glass recycling bin? Where will the madness end? Where?

Watch out Foxy Brown, there's a new angry young thing causing trouble on the streets, and he looks a lot like the annoying child sidekick from Constantine - OK, actually he is the annoying child sidekick from Constantine. That's Shia LaBeouf from Transformers to you. Shia LaBeouf might just be the world's next big movie superstar in the making, but that isn't going to stop him from being a streetwalkin' menace to society, as his arrest early on Sunday morning has proved. It's been reported that Shia LaBeouf got himself arrested for trespassing after he, um, politely refused to leave a Chicago pharmacy a couple of times. Whatever next? The boy from Malcolm In The Middle getting busted for accidentally putting a green glass bottle in a brown glass recycling bin? Where will the madness end? Where?
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