Transformers 2 is undoubtedly going to be one of the biggest movies of 2009. Well, OK, maybe not ‘biggest’.
Maybe we meant ‘loudest’. Or ‘most pointless’. Or something. Look, anyway, none of this matters because there’s a brand-new teaser trailer for Transformers 2 after the jump, and we’re about to show it to you – while giving you the full lowdown on it – after the jump.
Alternatively, if you’ve seen the first Transformers movie, you might not want to bother watching the Transformers 2 trailer. It’s exactly the same. Exactly. Seriously, we’re not joking. Avoid the Transformers 2 trailer like the plague. You’re not listening, are you?
If you like endless scenes of abstract robot-on robot violence that have such little bearing on the real world that you’ll probably fall asleep through during them even though they’re all loud enough to cause structural damage to the foundations of the cinema you’re watching them in AND you don’t think you got enough of that in the original Transformers movie, then we have two pieces of advice for you:
1 – You’re either 14 years old or a medically-diagnosable idiot.
2 - Hold onto your hat, because there’s a new Transformers 2 trailer online!
Now, even though we’ve been keeping an eye on the Transformers 2 news lately – so we know that it’ll feature a morbidly obese Megan Fox and a severely Beadled Shia LaBeouf – details about the movie’s plot have been kept quiet. This, we guessed, was either because Transformers 2 will be so utterly groundbreaking that even hinting about it will give people nosebleeds, or because it’s going to be identical to the first Transformers in every possible way.
But now our questions have been answered with the new Transformers 2 trailer. Here it is. Oh, and SPOILER ALERT, it’s not the first one…
Initial destruction of something military-looking? Check. Megan Fox doing little else but cry and scream? Check. That handsome yet boring actor who isn’t Shia LaBeouf being completely superfluous to the plot? Check. Giant fighting robots punching in other in such extraordinary close-up that it’s impossible to tell what’s going on? Check.
Said robots urinating everywhere and talking like a bad end-of-the-pier comedian doing a borderline impersonation of a black person? Che… wait a minute! NOT CHECK! That doesn’t happen ONCE in the Transformers 2 trailer! We take it all back – Transformers 2 is going to be completely fresh, new and exciting in every single way!
We’re… we’re actually looking forward to Transformers 2 now. It might not actually be as terrible as we expected. We don’t know what to do now. We were banking on Transformers 2 being the most awful, pointlessly-realised sequel of the year. What are we going to tip scorn over now?
Terminator: Salvation, you say? Right you are.
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
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Just curious, are you a fan of the old transformers G1? Also i think there is good potential that this movie will have way more substance than the previous film. In the first fil they spent a lot of time figuring out how to even put transformers on screen and introduce what transformers are to the viewers. Now they know what their doing and are using “the fallen” as the main villian, im assuming. If you look up the fallen on wiki or something you will see that there is a lot of information to draw a good storyline from. In my opinion i think the second movie will make more sense on the storyline aspect. Lets not forget the crazy effects and action that is sure to come packaged with it. Thanks for your time.
Are you a smelly pirate hooker??? If you’re not, you are just really dumb. Honestly, I want to fight you, and then I will put the all spark in your chest and you will blow up. Once I find the all spark, you better watch out because me and Bumblebee are going on a mission.
Big Mike, I can already tell you’ve got a great future here at Hecklerspray.
fuck you
I think you are the idiot, it is just a action ack science-frictional show about alien robots in a war, how real do you want to be. Must every alien behave like an alien, and not adopt human culture will staying on earth? It is natural to adpot the culture inwhich you are staying in.
You critisice the violence of the robots? Perhapes you like to see robots making love instead. Anyway we will be idiots to take your advise mother fucker.
Why comment and critise a movie that you most likely would notm or haven’t watch, jumping into conclusions without fair judgement attributes to your bad charactor.
Another failed director/actor/editor/whatever-turned-critic talking shit yet again. This movie is AWESOME. I hate you all you fucking idiot critics talking out of your arse.
People spill blood sweat and tears to create those films which BTW MILLIONS of people love and only a MINORITY criticises with moronic arguments about CG-Script and anything that normal people don’t give a fuck about. People want to be ENTERTAINED full fucking stop.
And this film is entertaining through and through.
FUCKS SAKE