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Pregnant celebrities

Sex Tape Idol Jessica Sierra To Spend Year In Rehab

by Stuart Heritage

In jail, on drugs, pregnant and with a sex tape out grotty enough to turn even the most hardened sex-addict celibate, American Idol’s Jessica Sierra doesn’t have a whole lot going for her at the moment.

And it’s got worse too. A judge yesterday ordered Jessica Sierra to spend a full year in rehab unless she wants to stay in jail for 11 years. According to a doctor appearing in court on her behalf, Jessica Sierra’s addictions are serious enough to be life-threatening. Although this order is enough to make sure that Jessica Sierra will give birth to her baby in a harshly-lit, unforgiving rehab centre, it’s not all bad news – even though Jessica Sierra will have to live every single day of the next calender year in rehab, that’s actually three times less rehab time than Lindsay Lohan spent over the course of 2007.

In jail, on drugs, pregnant and with a sex tape out grotty enough to turn even the most hardened sex-addict celibate, American Idol's Jessica Sierra doesn't have a whole lot going for her at the moment. And it's got worse too. A judge yesterday ordered Jessica Sierra to spend a full year in rehab unless she wants to stay in jail for 11 years. According to a doctor appearing in court on her behalf, Jessica Sierra's addictions are serious enough to be life-threatening. Although this order is enough to make sure that Jessica Sierra will give birth to her baby in a harshly-lit, unforgiving rehab centre, it's not all bad news - even though Jessica Sierra will have to live every single day of the next calender year in rehab, that's actually three times less rehab time than Lindsay Lohan spent over the course of 2007.
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Nicole Kidman Actually Manages To Get Properly Pregnant

by Stuart Heritage

Each time Nicole Kidman has set foot outside over the last couple of years, the world has peered at the outline of her belly and openly wondered how many babies she had stashed inside it.

Sadly, most of the time Nicole Kidman had zero babies in her belly, with the stomach lumps probably either being nothing more than either trapped wind or a distortion caused by her stomach housing three semi-digested edamame beans instead of the usual two. But now, finally, Nicole Kidman has managed to get pregnant with help from her overpolished country singer husband Keith Urban. Nobody knows what sex Nicole Kidman’s baby will be, or even when it’s due, but we honestly couldn’t be more thrilled for Nicole and Keith. Keith especially, because soon Nicole Kidman will be so busy looking after her tot that she won’t notice if he goes out and gets drunk every now and then.

Each time Nicole Kidman has set foot outside over the last couple of years, the world has peered at the outline of her belly and openly wondered how many babies she had stashed inside it. Sadly, most of the time Nicole Kidman had zero babies in her belly, with the stomach lumps probably either being nothing more than either trapped wind or a distortion caused by her stomach housing three semi-digested edamame beans instead of the usual two. But now, finally, Nicole Kidman has managed to get pregnant with help from her overpolished country singer husband Keith Urban. Nobody knows what sex Nicole Kidman's baby will be, or even when it's due, but we honestly couldn't be more thrilled for Nicole and Keith. Keith especially, because soon Nicole Kidman will be so busy looking after her tot that she won't notice if he goes out and gets drunk every now and then.
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Jamie Lynn Spears Gets Booted Off Zoey 101

by Stuart Heritage

Before she decided to make the leap into becoming a professional pregnant schoolgirl, Jamie Lynn Spears was best known for her Nickelodeon TV show Zoey 101.

OK, that’s not exactly right – Jamie Lynn Spears was best known for being Britney Spears’ sister, then for being in a film where she played Britney Spears’ sister, then for being Britney Spears’ sister in a TV show about Britney Spears, then for being Kevin Federline’s sister-in-law and then for her Nickelodeon TV show Zoey 101. Not that any of that means much any more, because it’s been reported that Nickelodeon has dropped Zoey 101 thanks to Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy. Heaven knows why, because we always thought that children’s TV badly needed a teen sitcom about a schoolgirl with postnatal depression so severe that she routinely fantasises about dropping it out of a window. Or something.

Before she decided to make the leap into becoming a professional pregnant schoolgirl, Jamie Lynn Spears was best known for her Nickelodeon TV show Zoey 101. OK, that's not exactly right - Jamie Lynn Spears was best known for being Britney Spears' sister, then for being in a film where she played Britney Spears' sister, then for being Britney Spears' sister in a TV show about Britney Spears, then for being Kevin Federline's sister-in-law and then for her Nickelodeon TV show Zoey 101. Not that any of that means much any more, because it's been reported that Nickelodeon has dropped Zoey 101 thanks to Jamie Lynn's pregnancy. Heaven knows why, because we always thought that children's TV badly needed a teen sitcom about a schoolgirl with postnatal depression so severe that she routinely fantasises about dropping it out of a window. Or something.
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Jamie Lynn Spears’ Babydaddy Did The Dirty On Her?

by Stuart Heritage

If Jamie Lynn Spears’ life was an episode of Maury – which it isn’t, yet – it’d probably be called I’m A Pregnant Teenager And My Boyfriend Cheated On Me Even Though I Don’t Know If He’s The Father Or Not Yet.

Because, keen to make sure she lives up to the staggering level of personal ineptitude that her big sister is so fond of, Jamie Lynn Spears is determined to make her pregnancy one of the worst stage-managed in all of history. We’ve already had the outrage about Jamie Lynn Spears getting pregnant at 16, then the outrage about statutory rape, and now it’s time for some fresh outrage, this time about the way that Jamie Lynn Spears’ boyfriend Casey Aldridge is a ‘lying cheating dog’ who can’t stop getting other girls pregnant. Not enough for you? OK, well what about Jamie Lynn Spears not knowing if Casey Aldridge is actually the father of her baby anyway? Better? Thought so.

If Jamie Lynn Spears' life was an episode of Maury - which it isn't, yet - it'd probably be called I'm A Pregnant Teenager And My Boyfriend Cheated On Me Even Though I Don't Know If He's The Father Or Not Yet. Because, keen to make sure she lives up to the staggering level of personal ineptitude that her big sister is so fond of, Jamie Lynn Spears is determined to make her pregnancy one of the worst stage-managed in all of history. We've already had the outrage about Jamie Lynn Spears getting pregnant at 16, then the outrage about statutory rape, and now it's time for some fresh outrage, this time about the way that Jamie Lynn Spears' boyfriend Casey Aldridge is a 'lying cheating dog' who can't stop getting other girls pregnant. Not enough for you? OK, well what about Jamie Lynn Spears not knowing if Casey Aldridge is actually the father of her baby anyway? Better? Thought so.
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Eddie Murphy Marries Bizarrely Unpregnant Woman

by Stuart Heritage

If Eddie Murphy ever proposed to you, chances are you’d either think “Not with your wayward reputation,” or “Hang on, I’m a chap and we’ve never even met. How odd,” but not Tracey Edmonds.

Eddie Murphy married his girlfriend Tracey Edmonds yesterday on a private island in French Polynesia, simultaneously putting all his past relationship woes behind him. And isn’t getting married on New Year’s Day the perfect way to start a year? It’s like Eddie Murphy is looking Tracey Edmonds in the eye and telling her “This is how it’ll be for us all year, or at least until I get you pregnant, deny getting you pregnant, leave you for another woman, repeatedly dodge your requests for a DNA test until I’m ordered to take one by a court and then do the voice of a funny donkey for a tired cartoon sequel to pay off all my child support bills. So about three weeks, then.”

If Eddie Murphy ever proposed to you, chances are you'd either think "Not with your wayward reputation," or "Hang on, I'm a chap and we've never even met. How odd," but not Tracey Edmonds. Eddie Murphy married his girlfriend Tracey Edmonds yesterday on a private island in French Polynesia, simultaneously putting all his past relationship woes behind him. And isn't getting married on New Year's Day the perfect way to start a year? It's like Eddie Murphy is looking Tracey Edmonds in the eye and telling her "This is how it'll be for us all year, or at least until I get you pregnant, deny getting you pregnant, leave you for another woman, repeatedly dodge your requests for a DNA test until I'm ordered to take one by a court and then do the voice of a funny donkey for a tired cartoon sequel to pay off all my child support bills. So about three weeks, then."
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Jamie Lynn Spears: At Least Mary J Blige Is Happy

by Stuart Heritage

The shock pregnancy of 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears has shocked all kinds of reactions of people, be it sadness, anger or – in the case of all grubby old men – vaguely muttered sexual arousal.

But Jamie Lynn Spears needs support in this difficult time, and who better to give it to her than everyone’s favourite overbearing soul diva with ideas half a notch above her station Mary J Blige. While the rest of the world tuts in disapproval and mumbles things like “terrible parenting,” “statutory rape” and – in the case of all grubby old men – “haven’t you been a dirty girl?” Mary J Blige is there for Jamie Lynn Spears, snapping her fingers, popping her neck and representing for the sisterhood so hard that it looks like she’s having some kind of bloody seizure.

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Now Jessica Sierra Might Be A Bit Pregnant Too

by Stuart Heritage

Take that Jamie Lynn Spears – you might think you’ve got it going on by getting pregnant at 16, but come back once you’ve starred in a sex tape and then gone to jail for drugs and violence offences and then found out you’re pregnant.

In other words, come back when you’re Jessica Sierra from American Idol two years ago. Not content with still being in jail for violating her cocaine and battery probation by going on a drunken rampage in a nightclub – or being the star of the most grotty-sounding celebrity sex tape in the history of the medium – Jessica Sierra has just found out that someone’s knocked her up. And not just anyone, either – Jessica Sierra has got pregnant at the hands of a rapper. And if you thought that giving birth to a rapper’s baby in jail while a video of you having explicit sex was freely available on the internet was as bad as it got, think again – because despite all that nobody still has any bloody clue who Jessica Sierra actually is.

Take that Jamie Lynn Spears - you might think you've got it going on by getting pregnant at 16, but come back once you've starred in a sex tape and then gone to jail for drugs and violence offences and then found out you're pregnant. In other words, come back when you're Jessica Sierra from American Idol two years ago. Not content with still being in jail for violating her cocaine and battery probation by going on a drunken rampage in a nightclub - or being the star of the most grotty-sounding celebrity sex tape in the history of the medium - Jessica Sierra has just found out that someone's knocked her up. And not just anyone, either - Jessica Sierra has got pregnant at the hands of a rapper. And if you thought that giving birth to a rapper's baby in jail while a video of you having explicit sex was freely available on the internet was as bad as it got, think again - because despite all that nobody still has any bloody clue who Jessica Sierra actually is.
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Pregnant 16-Year-Old Jamie Lynn Spears Single Again

by Stuart Heritage

Creepy sterile men, form an orderly queue – Jamie Lynn Spears, the newly-pregnant 16-year-old sister of Britney Spears, might very well be back on the market.

Less than 24 hours after Jamie Lynn Spears announced to the world via OK! magazine that a boy she met at church had knocked her up, it’s looking increasingly like the pregnancy has driven a wedge between her and the baby’s father Casey Aldridge. Yesterday Casey Aldridge took to his MySpace page to poetically express the profound complexity of young love torn asunder by sudden biological maturity. In other words, Casey changed his mood to ‘Blah’ and listed his status as ‘Me and Jamie are over :( ‘. It’s hard to know how Jamie Lynn Spears will react to such a poignant display of heartbreak, although experts are guessing it’ll either be :’( or depending on how heavily the hormones are kicking in.

Creepy sterile men, form an orderly queue - Jamie Lynn Spears, the newly-pregnant 16-year-old sister of Britney Spears, might very well be back on the market. Less than 24 hours after Jamie Lynn Spears announced to the world via OK! magazine that a boy she met at church had knocked her up, it's looking increasingly like the pregnancy has driven a wedge between her and the baby's father Casey Aldridge. Yesterday Casey Aldridge took to his MySpace page to poetically express the profound complexity of young love torn asunder by sudden biological maturity. In other words, Casey changed his mood to 'Blah' and listed his status as 'Me and Jamie are over :('. It's hard to know how Jamie Lynn Spears will react to such a poignant display of heartbreak, although experts are guessing it'll either be :'( or depending on how heavily the hormones are kicking in.
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Holy Crap, Lily Allen’s Pregnant As Well

by Stuart Heritage

OK, if any other celebrities are pregnant, now’s the time to step forward – first it was Jamie Lynn Spears and now it’s Lily Allen, so who’s next? Amy Winehouse? Judy Finnegan? The girl from the Confused.com advert?

Never mind, let’s just try and concern ourselves with Lily Allen for the time being. The Sun is reporting that Lily Allen is pregnant with a baby fathered by her Chemical Brother boyfriend of three months, and that she’s apparently thrilled about it all. Nothing else is known about Lily Allen’s pregnancy, but you can bet that Lily is praying for triplets, just so that she can test out breastfeeding from all three of her nipples at once. Triplets is the dream, of course, although we hear that Lily Allen would be equally excited about giving birth to twins and then letting an orphaned animal like a fieldmouse or a bean goose suckle on her third nipple, hereafter known as ‘the overspill nub’.

OK, if any other celebrities are pregnant, now's the time to step forward - first it was Jamie Lynn Spears and now it's Lily Allen, so who's next? Amy Winehouse? Judy Finnegan? The girl from the Confused.com advert? Never mind, let's just try and concern ourselves with Lily Allen for the time being. The Sun is reporting that Lily Allen is pregnant with a baby fathered by her Chemical Brother boyfriend of three months, and that she's apparently thrilled about it all. Nothing else is known about Lily Allen's pregnancy, but you can bet that Lily is praying for triplets, just so that she can test out breastfeeding from all three of her nipples at once. Triplets is the dream, of course, although we hear that Lily Allen would be equally excited about giving birth to twins and then letting an orphaned animal like a fieldmouse or a bean goose suckle on her third nipple, hereafter known as 'the overspill nub'.
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Britney Spears’ Sister Totally Pregnant At 16

by Stuart Heritage

You have to hand it to Jamie Lynn Spears – not many 16-year-old girls would try and take the heat off their messed-up older sisters by getting themselves pregnant at a ridiculously young age.

But that’s just the kind of socially-conscientious girl Jamie Lynn Spears is. Now that her older sister Britney Spears is being heralded by many as the world’s most famous bad mother, Jamie Lynn wants to have a go, too – so she’s announced to the world via OK! magazine that she’s 12 weeks pregnant with a baby fathered by her long-term boyfriend Casey Aldridge. News of Jamie Lynn Spears’ pregnancy might seem like the Spears family has now reached critical mass when it comes to sexual irresponsibility, but you haven’t seen anything yet – the cover of next week’s Us Weekly consists of a close-up photo of baby Sean Preston’s face alongside the quote “Dude! I Totally Knocked Up 15 Thai Sluts Last Week!”

You have to hand it to Jamie Lynn Spears - not many 16-year-old girls would try and take the heat off their messed-up older sisters by getting themselves pregnant at a ridiculously young age. But that's just the kind of socially-conscientious girl Jamie Lynn Spears is. Now that her older sister Britney Spears is being heralded by many as the world's most famous bad mother, Jamie Lynn wants to have a go, too - so she's announced to the world via OK! magazine that she's 12 weeks pregnant with a baby fathered by her long-term boyfriend Casey Aldridge. News of Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy might seem like the Spears family has now reached critical mass when it comes to sexual irresponsibility, but you haven't seen anything yet - the cover of next week's Us Weekly consists of a close-up photo of baby Sean Preston's face alongside the quote "Dude! I Totally Knocked Up 15 Thai Sluts Last Week!"
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