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Pregnant celebrities

Jessica Alba Is Really Rather Pregnant

by Stuart Heritage

Let’s see if Jessica Alba can keep topping those ‘Most Sexy’ lists when she’s waddling about on swollen ankles and throwing up every morning – because Jessica Alba is pregnant.

And Jessica Alba is being refreshingly open about being pregnant – her spokesperson has confirmed that in late spring/early summer 2008, Jessica will give birth to a baby fathered by on-off boyfriend Cash Warren. It’s a knotty situation for the global army of obsessed male Jessica Alba fans, who now all have to ask themselves if they have the capacity to marry Jessica Alba and raise another man’s child as their own if she asked them, before concluding quite quickly that Jessica Alba would probably ask Ian Huntley to raise her children rather than get within a hundred yards of their flabby, lonely sweat-stink for even a second.

Let's see if Jessica Alba can keep topping those 'Most Sexy' lists when she's waddling about on swollen ankles and throwing up every morning - because Jessica Alba is pregnant. And Jessica Alba is being refreshingly open about being pregnant - her spokesperson has confirmed that in late spring/early summer 2008, Jessica will give birth to a baby fathered by on-off boyfriend Cash Warren. It's a knotty situation for the global army of obsessed male Jessica Alba fans, who now all have to ask themselves if they have the capacity to marry Jessica Alba and raise another man's child as their own if she asked them, before concluding quite quickly that Jessica Alba would probably ask Ian Huntley to raise her children rather than get within a hundred yards of their flabby, lonely sweat-stink for even a second.
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‘Britney Spears 100% Not Pregnant’: Man Who Said She Was

by Stuart Heritage

The world may not care that much about Britney Spears as a singer any more, but so long as she’s got ovaries constantly on the brink of inflating up another redneck infant and expelling it from her body, she’ll never be without attention.

For example, the entire planet is currently frothing around like billyo over speculation that Britney Spears is pregnant with yet another child. But, as we all know, Britney Spears has emphatically refuted these claims as “B.S.” So now the magazine that broke the Pregnant Britney Spears story in the first place has gone public with the text messages it claims are from the alleged father, admitting that the pregnancy is real. So what’s the truth? Either Britney Spears is pregnant, Britney Spears isn’t pregnant or there’s a murky, alley-dwelling unlicensed abortionist knocking around somewhere who’s sitting on an effing goldmine.

The world may not care that much about Britney Spears as a singer any more, but so long as she's got ovaries constantly on the brink of inflating up another redneck infant and expelling it from her body, she'll never be without attention. For example, the entire planet is currently frothing around like billyo over speculation that Britney Spears is pregnant with yet another child. But, as we all know, Britney Spears has emphatically refuted these claims as "B.S." So now the magazine that broke the Pregnant Britney Spears story in the first place has gone public with the text messages it claims are from the alleged father, admitting that the pregnancy is real. So what's the truth? Either Britney Spears is pregnant, Britney Spears isn't pregnant or there's a murky, alley-dwelling unlicensed abortionist knocking around somewhere who's sitting on an effing goldmine.
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Christina Aguilera Definitely Pregnant, Almost Alarmingly So

by Stuart Heritage

So we’ve established that Britney Spears isn’t very pregnant at all – but that’s OK because Christina Aguilera seems like she’s pregnant enough for the entire flipping world.

If, like us, you were surprised by Christina Aguilera’s coy little pregnancy announcement earlier this month and thought “Restraint? Christina Aguilera? Surely not” then prepare to have your preconceptions validated – Christina Aguilera has decided to pose for the cover of Marie Claire magazine with her bare pregnant gut hanging out like some kind of massive fleshy baby-filled blister. And if the sight of Christina Aguilera’s giant naked pregnant belly isn’t enough for you, Marie Claire also features the top 57 sexy winter skin buys. Fun!

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Britney Spears Isn’t Pregnant For Once In Her Life

by Stuart Heritage

Rumours are great, whether they’re false – like the one blowing around yesterday about Britney Spears being pregnant; or true – like the one about all hecklerspray writers being so talented and good looking that it makes all the girls cry.

But anyway, back to the false rumours. Yesterday everyone suddenly got very excited over claims made by a raft of American tabloid magazines that Britney Spears was four weeks pregnant and it was true and she’d emailed ultrasound scans to everyone and some bloke nobody’s ever heard of was the father. However, even though it’s an unmitigated fact that having yet another screaming redneck child would single-handedly solve all of her current problems, Britney Spears has blasted the reports as “B.S”. And, as we all know, “B.S” either stands for “Bloody Sertain” or “Baby! Shaboom!” so it’s definitely a fact that Britney Spears is definitely 100% pregnant. Congratulations, Britney!

Rumours are great, whether they're false - like the one blowing around yesterday about Britney Spears being pregnant; or true - like the one about all hecklerspray writers being so talented and good looking that it makes all the girls cry. But anyway, back to the false rumours. Yesterday everyone suddenly got very excited over claims made by a raft of American tabloid magazines that Britney Spears was four weeks pregnant and it was true and she'd emailed ultrasound scans to everyone and some bloke nobody's ever heard of was the father. However, even though it's an unmitigated fact that having yet another screaming redneck child would single-handedly solve all of her current problems, Britney Spears has blasted the reports as "B.S". And, as we all know, "B.S" either stands for "Bloody Sertain" or "Baby! Shaboom!" so it's definitely a fact that Britney Spears is definitely 100% pregnant. Congratulations, Britney!
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Holy Crap, Jennifer Lopez Is Pregnant!?

by Stuart Heritage

Well, you could literally knock us down with a feather at the moment because Jennifer Lopez – the very obviously pregnant pop star with a fashion designer who last week confirmed her pregnancy – has announced that she’s pregnant.

Sorry, we’re still trying to get over this shocking Jennifer Lopez pregnancy bombshell because it’s genuinely come right out of the blue. All we’ve had to go on is Jennifer Lopez persistently assuming coyness every time someone mentions motherhood or babies in front of her, performing tours around the world with a belly that’s been steadily growing in size because of the baby growing inside it and clearly being undeniably pregnant. And now it turns out that Jennifer Lopez is pregnant? That’s literally the most surprising thing we’ve experienced all day, with the exception of every single thing we’ve seen, heard, thought or smelled, obviously.

Well, you could literally knock us down with a feather at the moment because Jennifer Lopez - the very obviously pregnant pop star with a fashion designer who last week confirmed her pregnancy - has announced that she's pregnant. Sorry, we're still trying to get over this shocking Jennifer Lopez pregnancy bombshell because it's genuinely come right out of the blue. All we've had to go on is Jennifer Lopez persistently assuming coyness every time someone mentions motherhood or babies in front of her, performing tours around the world with a belly that's been steadily growing in size because of the baby growing inside it and clearly being undeniably pregnant. And now it turns out that Jennifer Lopez is pregnant? That's literally the most surprising thing we've experienced all day, with the exception of every single thing we've seen, heard, thought or smelled, obviously.
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Christina Aguilera Confirms The Bleeding Obvious

by Stuart Heritage

Bless little Christina Aguilera. Half the size of a soggy lollipop stick, it’s been blindingly apparent to the entire world that she’s been pregnant for quite some time now – and yet she hasn’t revealed her pregnancy to the world at all.

At least not until now. Christina Aguilera has decided to officially confirm her pregnancy to the world for the very first time, letting slip to Glamour magazine that her baby is due early on in the new year. It’s good news all round, really – Christina Aguilera gets to congratulate herself for keeping the pregnancy a secret for so long, the public gets to breathe a sigh of relief because it knows Aguilera’s bulging gut isn’t a giant ovarian cyst and all local hospitals have a few months’ notice to soundproof their maternity wards – after all, if that’s how Christina Aguilera screams when she’s singing a song about a man made of candy, imagine what she’ll sound like when a giant-skulled baby crawls through her vagina.

Bless little Christina Aguilera. Half the size of a soggy lollipop stick, it's been blindingly apparent to the entire world that she's been pregnant for quite some time now - and yet she hasn't revealed her pregnancy to the world at all. At least not until now. Christina Aguilera has decided to officially confirm her pregnancy to the world for the very first time, letting slip to Glamour magazine that her baby is due early on in the new year. It's good news all round, really - Christina Aguilera gets to congratulate herself for keeping the pregnancy a secret for so long, the public gets to breathe a sigh of relief because it knows Aguilera's bulging gut isn't a giant ovarian cyst and all local hospitals have a few months' notice to soundproof their maternity wards - after all, if that's how Christina Aguilera screams when she's singing a song about a man made of candy, imagine what she'll sound like when a giant-skulled baby crawls through her vagina.
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Jennifer Lopez Definitely Pregnant, Says Man With Eyes

by Stuart Heritage

There’s been an ‘is she/ isn’t she’ game played recently over whether Jennifer Lopez is pregnant or not, with the bulk of people eventually realising they they may as well be talking about how pregnant their sodding kettle is, for all it matters.

However, one man is determined not to play along with Jennifer Lopez’s silly little media silence. And that man is fashion designer Roberto Cavalli, who has accidentally let slip to People magazine that Jennifer Lopez is well and truly up the duff during a discussion about dresses or hats or fashion or something. And now that the Jennifer Lopez pregnancy mystery has been cleared up, maybe Roberto Cavalli can help clear up other equally non-obvious conundrums like what colour the sky is or where bears shit.

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Nicole Richie Not As Into Pregnant Smoking As Originally Thought

by hecklerspray staff

Life used to be so much simpler than it is now.

Take raising children, for one. We have fond memories of when parents would pack us into the back of the station wagon for 12-hour road trips to Nana’s house like a bunch wild animals hopped up on generic soda and Cheeze-Its. Nowadays you have to secure the little tykes into properly installed safety seats and can’t strap one to the luggage rack when they keep counting the bottles of beer on the wall and just… won’t… SHUT UP.

And whatever happened to the good old days when a six-month-pregnant woman who has surrendered all self-restraint to the nicotine gods and habitually smoke in peace? Maybe Nicole Richie knows, because she was spotted smoking a few ciggies in a scenario very similar to this one.

Or maybe she wasn’t. It could have just been a rumour. That’s what Nicole Richie is saying, anyway.

Life used to be so much simpler than it is now. Take raising children, for one. We have fond memories of when parents would pack us into the back of the station wagon for 12-hour road trips to Nana’s house like a bunch wild animals hopped up on generic soda and Cheeze-Its. Nowadays you have to secure the little tykes into properly installed safety seats and can’t strap one to the luggage rack when they keep counting the bottles of beer on the wall and just… won’t… SHUT UP. And whatever happened to the good old days when a six-month-pregnant woman who has surrendered all self-restraint to the nicotine gods and habitually smoke in peace? Maybe Nicole Richie knows, because she was spotted smoking a few ciggies in a scenario very similar to this one. Or maybe she wasn’t. It could have just been a rumour. That’s what Nicole Richie is saying, anyway.
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