There's been an 'is she/ isn't she' game played recently over whether Jennifer Lopez is pregnant or not, with the bulk of people eventually realising they they may as well be talking about how pregnant their sodding kettle is, for all it matters.
However, one man is determined not to play along with Jennifer Lopez's silly little media silence. And that man is fashion designer Roberto Cavalli, who has accidentally let slip to People magazine that Jennifer Lopez is well and truly up the duff during a discussion about dresses or hats or fashion or something. And now that the Jennifer Lopez pregnancy mystery has been cleared up, maybe Roberto Cavalli can help clear up other equally non-obvious conundrums like what colour the sky is or where bears shit.
For the last few weeks there's been mounting speculation that Jennifer Lopez was either a) suffering from a rapidly-expanding gastrointestinal cyst, b) in the mid-stages of a crippling pork pie addiction or c) pregnant, as frequent images of her swollen belly jutting out through her current tour outfits have indicated that it's definitely one of the three.
However, Jennifer Lopez has been keeping quiet on the matter, refusing to answer question asked about her apparent pregnancy and preferring to deflect the conversation off in other, safer directions like that heroin dealer that her husband is supposed to know or why she keeps making terrible films all the time.
This silence is slightly uncharacteristic for Jennifer Lopez. Although she'll quickly sue any ex-husbands who threaten to blab secrets about her, Jennifer Lopez has only been too happy to share her personal life with the world. Had she conceived this baby throughout the best-forgotten Affleck years, for instance, Jennifer Lopez would have dedicated a song to it the second her gamete became a zygote, rush-released a new fragrance entitled Amniotica and starred in three or four poorly-received motion pictures with the unborn foetus as her main co-star.
But this time – nothing. Not a word. Even though any idiot could see that Jennifer Lopez was filled to the eyeballs with babies, she's so far refused to even say a word about it. Happily Roberto Cavalli, the man who designs the stage outfits for Jennifer Lopez's joint tour with husband Marc Anthony, has no concept of discretion and yakked all about how pregnant Lopez was during an interview with People magazine:
"Well Jennifer Lopez, at this moment, she requests something very special because she is waiting for the baby. It is so complicated because every week she is getting bigger."
So there you go. Jennifer Lopez is definitely pregnant. Chances are this is the most important thing you'll read all day and your head is spinning dangerously as you try to comprehend the magnitude of this news at the moment, so we're going to try and calm you down with some less interesting news now.
Nope, now we come to think of it Jennifer Lopez's pregnancy is actually the least interesting thing we can think of. Sorry about that.
DJ Inphinity says
NO WAY!!! I thought she was just putting on some pounds…