Well, you could literally knock us down with a feather at the moment because Jennifer Lopez – the very obviously pregnant pop star with a fashion designer who last week confirmed her pregnancy – has announced that she's pregnant.
Sorry, we're still trying to get over this shocking Jennifer Lopez pregnancy bombshell because it's genuinely come right out of the blue. All we've had to go on is Jennifer Lopez persistently assuming coyness every time someone mentions motherhood or babies in front of her, performing tours around the world with a belly that's been steadily growing in size because of the baby growing inside it and clearly being undeniably pregnant. And now it turns out that Jennifer Lopez is pregnant? That's literally the most surprising thing we've experienced all day, with the exception of every single thing we've seen, heard, thought or smelled, obviously.
Thank God – the dangerous pregnancy chicken-duel between Jennifer Lopez and Christina Aguilera has finally come to an end. For months now, both Christina Aguilera and Jennifer Lopez have been so blatantly pregnant that only an idiot could doubt their knocked-upness, but neither Christina or Jennifer wanted to be the first to reveal their pregnancy, because it'd mean losing the competition we assume they had with each other and doing their next concert with the word 'pussy' written on their head in permanent marker as a forfeit.
Thankfully, though, the nightmare situation – of both Christina Aguilera and Jennifer Lopez in the throes of labour in adjacent maternity beds, both gritting their teeth to stop the babies from crowning out of their vaginas while claiming that it's just wind, honest – was avoided this week when Christina Aguilera announced her pregnancy to the world.
And now Aguilera has given in, Jennifer Lopez can also exclusively reveal that she is, in fact, also pregnant. And just one week after her concert outfit designer Roberto Cavalli told everyone that Jennifer Lopez was pregnant too. The bravery of the woman.
Anyway, Jennifer Lopez revealed her pregnancy to a concert audience in Miami, where she's currently performing shows with husband Marc Anthony, by saying:
"Marc and I are expecting."
Expecting? Expecting what? To split up in a couple of months? To one day make a film that people actually want to see? Ohhh, we get it – they're expecting a baby. To make everything even more explicit, Marc Anthony then started kissing Jennifer Lopez's baby-bump in what we're presuming to be the most stomach-turning act of physical affection the world has seen since Jade Goody's boyfriend spunked up her leg on Celebrity Big Brother that one time.
But at least now it's official, and the wait must have been agonising for Jennifer Lopez. At least now it's in the open Jennifer Lopez can show her love to the baby in the only way she knows how – by recording an album of romantic duets with the foetus and starring in up to 16 pointless romantic comedies with it, with all the unborn infant's scenes filmed in ultrasound.
Victor says
Ahhh come on… Everybody already knew she is pregnant.. She thinks we are idiots.. hahaha
THe worst part is that crowd at the show went insane at the announcement! Look at this video: weshow.com/us/p/22578/jennifer_lopez_confirms_pregnancy
Ridiculous!
col says
popbitch. ……months ago………………………