In jail, on drugs, pregnant and with a sex tape out grotty enough to turn even the most hardened sex-addict celibate, American Idol's Jessica Sierra doesn't have a whole lot going for her at the moment.
And it's got worse too. A judge yesterday ordered Jessica Sierra to spend a full year in rehab unless she wants to stay in jail for 11 years. According to a doctor appearing in court on her behalf, Jessica Sierra's addictions are serious enough to be life-threatening.
Although this order is enough to make sure that Jessica Sierra will give birth to her baby in a harshly-lit, unforgiving rehab centre, it's not all bad news – even though Jessica Sierra will have to live every single day of the next calender year in rehab, that's actually three times less rehab time than Lindsay Lohan spent over the course of 2007.
American Idol can be a cruel mistress. One day there you are on top of the world, singing worn-out old Whitney Houston songs to an audience of millions while a snippy Brit insults you, and the next moment you've been cast aside, letting rappers knock you up and having to throw cocktail glasses into mens' faces just to get a smidgen of attention.
That's the exact circumstance that Jessica Sierra has found herself in. An American Idol also-ran from three years ago, Jessica Sierra's problems are just about endless. After she was arrested for throwing the cocktail glass with cocaine in her possession, Sierra was placed on probation – something she duly violated days later when she went on a drunken rampage in a Florida nightclub, resisted arrest, threw up in the police car, verbally abused the officers on the basis of their race and sexual orientation and then offered them a blowjob if they'd let her go.
And there's a Jessica Sierra sex tape floating around. And she's pregnant. Obviously the quickest way to improve Jessica's life would be to build a raft out of oildrums and push her out to sea on it forever, but since some people have said we're not allowed to do that any more, the second-best way is probably rehab.
Since Jessica Sierra has got a lot of problems, though, she'll have to stay in rehab for a long time. A year, in fact, because that's what a Florida judge has just told her. And, appearing in court on her behalf was Dr Drew Pinsky of Celebrity Rehab With Dr Drew fame, who seemed to think that if Jessica didn't get the rehab she needed then she'd probably end up brown bread:
"Without that treatment and with further incarceration, there could be a very serious problem for her. I think her survival is in question."
What's even worse is that when Jessica Sierra is released from rehab she'll be placed on a three-year probation where she won't be able to drink, take drugs or lark about being a professional former American Idol star – the judge also ordered Jessica to find full-time work as soon as she's out of rehab, and if she doesn't she'll get thrown in jail for 11 years.
So in rehab, on drugs, pregnant, with a sex tape out and forced to work for a living – could life get any worse for Jessica Sierra?
Well, if she'd done any better at American Idol there's a chance she might have ended up in the Sex And The City film like Jennifer Hudson. So at least she won't have to go through anything as inhumane as that any time soon.
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Joke Police says
Drugs, sex tape, court appearances, rehab, reality TV – sounds like a respectable career to me. Where’s the £1m exclusive magazine deal?
Gilbert Wham says
I’ll put up with the court appearance just for the drugs & sex. The million would be a bonus.
JSP says
this is the place builin the site for the new tape
http://www.wickedworks.us
Jess says
Now her stupid Friend Taylor has a sex site too…
http://www.taylorbow.com/t1/pps=timberlands/