Calm down; yes, there's apparently an American Idol sex tape about to hit the internet, but rest assured that you won't have to see Simon Cowell's bare todger flapping around like a torn blister in a windtunnel.
In fact it's a sex tape of Jessica Sierra, who we're told did moderately well at American Idol two years ago. And the sex tape isn't Jessica Sierra's only problem right now – that comes in the form of an arrest for intoxication and resisting arrest which violates her parole from the time she was arrested for battery and cocaine possession. But while Jessica Sierra faces the possibility of a lengthy jail sentence, we all get the sex tape to look forward to. And since we didn't even know who Jessica Sierra even was until about 10 seconds ago, it's basically going to be a video of an anonymous, slightly rough-looking woman having it off. We can't decide if that makes it better or worse, actually.
At the last count American Idol has produced Oscar winners, sexy vegetarians, bona fide international pop stars and a twitchy old man with a voice like a bear caught in a trap. But drug-wrecked, slightly grubby-looking amateur pornography stars? Not until now, buddy!
Because leapfrogging the previous most sexually-scandalous American Idol moment – either Paula Abdul possibly sleeping with a contestant and then smashing her face up on a dog or Simon Cowell catching his nipple in his trouser-flies – comes Jessica Sierra and her uncomfortably grotty internet sex tape.
Of course, the Americans among you will recognise Jessica Sierra as the third singer to be eliminated from American Idol 2005. For the British among you, that's the equivalent of Philip McGee from X Factor 2005. Imagine Philip McGee in a sex tape. That's the level of outrage we're talking about here, people.
Anyway, back to Jessica Sierra. After her early exit from American Idol, Jessica pretty much followed the traditional post-show career path – she had a stalker, then she did a song for Toys R Us, then she threw a cocktail glass at a man's head in a bar and was arrested with cocaine on her, then a week ago she violated her parole for that by allegedly having a drunken argument with police, vomiting inside the police car after being arrested and variously calling police officers homosexuals, screaming racial epithets at them and offering them oral sex in return for a quiet release.
So at the moment Jessica Sierra is in jail, and faces up to an 11-year sentence for her actions. But that's not all – now a sex tape has emerged of Jessica Sierra, and it's going to be out any time now.
According to reports, a major porn distributor has got hold of a copy of what it claims is a Jessica Sierra sex tape, and it wants it released before the end of the year. There's no word on what the Jessica Sierra sex tape actually involves yet, but if it's anything like the stills that have been released – including one gag-inducing image of Jessica Sierra miserable and naked in a bathtub smoking a cigarette – then we're almost completely positive that nobody who watches it will ever be able to muster up even a hint of an erection again.
Incidentally, maybe we should let Same Difference win X Factor. We wouldn't want this happening to them. No, really.
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summer says
HOW SEXY!!!!!!! OH BABY!!!!! IM A LESBO HEHE
Femme says
I’m an American who watches American Idol and have no idea who this person is. I am, however, fairly sure that I’m not interested in watching her grainy, coked-out sex tape.