Paula Abdul Breaks Her Nose On A Chihuahua

Paula Abdul doesn't exactly do herself any favours, does she. After spending years vehemently fighting off claims that she's a drunk, a legal fruitcake or both, Paula Abdul goes and breaks her nose on a chihuahua and she's back to square one again.

According to reports, Paula Abdul smashed up her nose last weekend when she fell on it after tripping to avoid crushing her pet chihuahua underfoot. Although Paula Abdul wasn't hospitalised for the accident and is still well enough to help judge the American Idol finale, the fact remains that Paula Abdul somehow managed to bust up her face in an incident related to a tiny dog. That's clumsiness over and above the call of duty, and if we were a member of Paula Abdul's inner circle we'd be desperately worried about Paula inexplicably decapitating herself with her own teeth next time she's on TV.

As much as people try to tell you that American Idol is all about the ongoing discovery of musical talent, the raising of money for good causes or Simon Cowell shouting at mentally ill boys and being startlingly dismissive of actual massacres, they're wrong. American Idol is about one thing and one thing one - the slow, slow process of watching Paula Abdul gradually lose her mind.

And the people who make American Idol know this - that's why they didn't replace Paula Abdul with Courtney Love when they had the chance. They know the value of a woman who possibly sleeps with her American Idol contestants, goes properly batshit when a nail salon hurts her thumb, regularly doesn't turn up for filming because she's got an eye infection and can't complete a sentence with slurring all the words into each other like a homeless glue addict from Scotland. Nobody knows for sure why Paula Abdul is such a nutcase, but it doesn't look as if the speculation is going to end - at least not while Paula Abdul keeps doing mental things like breaking her nose while trying not to step on a chihuahua. The New York Post reports:

Spacey "American Idol" judge Paula Abdul broke her nose last weekend - after tripping to avoid stepping on her pet Chihuahua, Tulip. Her fall and busted honker won't keep Abdul off "Idol" tonight or off tomorrow night's live two-hour finale. [Abdul slave David] Brokaw said Abdul won't have her nose bandaged and doesn't have any visible scars (black eyes, etc.) as a result of her fall - which was first reported by the TV entertainment show "Extra."

So what is it about Paula Abdul that keeps her trapped in this deafening tornado of stupidity? Paula Abdul has long denied that she's constantly drunk, which leaves a few explanations. Those include Paula Abdul's medication for her back injury warping her mind, the stress of fame warping her mind or the fact that Paula Abdul is without a doubt one of the loopiest fools the world has ever seen. Who knows which one is true.

One thing's for sure, though - the next time Randy Jackson mindlessly babbles the word "dog" at an American Idol contestant over and over again, Paula Abdul is going to take it as a warning sign, screech with panicked terror and run full-speed out of the studio and, probably, head-first into a brick wall. 

Read more:

Paula's Painful Pup Trip - New York Post