HecklerSpray

Damn, look who’s back? After what seemed like a 10 year hiatus, ya girl is back! Yep, that’s right. I’m writing a shitty celebrity gossip blog, and Blake Lively is pregnant again! Some things never change.

It seems like every time I turn around Ryan Reynolds has knocked Blake Lively up again. I’m pretty sure this is like their 7th kid (ok, it’ll be their third).

There have literally been no whispers about Blake being pregnant for a third time, then she shows up at the Detective Pikachu premiere SUPER pregnant.

People (including myself) have been joking for years that Jennifer Lopez is on track to being the next Elizabeth Taylor, and bitch apparently took is seriously since she just got engaged to Alex Rodriguez.

ARod proposed to JLo while on vacation with a $1.4 million ring, which might seem extravagant to us hobos, but if JLo cashed in all her engagement rings she could probably end world hunger, so, ya know.

Beverly Hills 90210 was one of my favorite shows growing up. I mean, I was definitely a bit too young to be watching it, but my mom didn’t really seem to mind. I wanted to be Brenda Walsh or Kelly Taylor, and Brendan Walsh and Dylan McKay were like my sexual fucking awakening.

All these years later, my love for Luke Perry came back full throttle as he starred as Fred Andrews on Riverdale–a show I mocked, then became obsessed with. Given my 25+ year love of Luke Perry, I am literally fucking devastated to announce that he has passed away at the very young age of 52.

While Ariana Grande is maybe fucking Big Sean again, Pete Davidson continues his ascension to legend status by locking down babe of all babes, Kate Beckinsale.

It’s one thing to be seen flirting at a Golden Globes after-party or leaving a club at all hours hand-in-hand, it’s a whole other thing to be spotted laying on the PDA at a hockey game, which Pete and Kate were.

Pete and Kate recently attended a New York Rangers hockey game together and couldn’t keep their hands or lips off of each other, and Pete looked really fucking happy (I mean, how could he not?) which warmed my cold little heart.

When Ariana Grande wrote “could get it again” next to Big Sean’s picture in her “Thank U, Next” video, she might not have been joking.

The two were spotted hanging out yesterday, and maybe they were recording new music, maybe she was bouncing back to that dick, or maybe both.

While ex-fiance Pete Davidson has moved on to international stunner Kate Beckinsale, Ariana might be recycling dick with one of her hotter exes.

The two reportedly spent several hours in a recording studio in Los Angeles yesterday, and left late in the evening in the same car.

Well, the Oscars happened last night, and for the first time in 21 years I didn’t bother to watch. Pretty ironic given how many of these movies I ended up seeing and loving, but that’s neither here nor there.

I did watch the video of Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper musically fucking on stage while his baby mama cheered on in the audience, but otherwise I saw nothing, hence this review being mediocre.

On to the five major awards.

Here I just was claiming this whole Tristan Thompson cheated on Khloe Kardashian with Jordyn Woods story was 100% fake news, and now half the sisters have unfollowed Jordyn on Instagram and Kylie has kicked her out of the guest house.

Just when you thought Jordyn Woods was the ultimate BFF to Kylie Jenner, she has to go out and shove her tongue down constant poon hunter, Tristan Thompson’s, throat. Yuck.

Kardashian BFF Larsa Pippen recently told TMZ that she didn’t think Jordyn would have a home at Kylie’s much longer and she would totally kick her out. Then Kim posted a video of her and Khloe’s BFF Malika singing along to songs about bitches finding their own men.

I want you all to know that I am only reporting this shit because it is my duty, given that every other gossip site is on it, and who am I to ignore news even when I don’t believe it for a second?

Khloe Kardashian’s wandering dick baby-daddy Tristian Thompson has allegedly cheated on her YET AGAIN, which isn’t surprising. However, everyone from Us Weekly to every bitch on Instagram is now claiming that he cheated with none other than Kylie Jenner super BFF, Jordyn Woods.

Before you flip your lid, no, Lil Xan, who is apparently a rapper, is not having a child with Noah Cyrus. This just happens to be my favorite picture of Lil Xan. Whic is really saying something.

Lil Xan (proper name Little Xanax) and his girlfriend Annie took to Instagram to announce that they were too wasted on Opioids to use a condom, and now they’re bringing a baby into the world.

I don’t know anything about Lil Xan other than that he dated Miley Cyrus’s little sister, and he’s one of those dumbass child rappers who has a Lil in front of his name and a fuck ton of dumb face tattoos.

Well, Orlando Bloom asked Katy Perry to marry him and she said yes. If you think this is going to be a blog discussing their relationship, you’d be wrong.

Instead, I’d like to discuss how fucking annoying I think Katy Perry has become, and how Taylor Swift is clearly a witch, because the way Katy went from hot to hot mess and Kanye went from cool to crazy is some serious white girl voodoo shit. Yeah, this blog is going off the rails fast.