You gotta hand it to Pamela Anderson, folks.
Why, you ask? Because Pamela Anderson has an uncanny knack for being dysfunctional enough to keep herself in the media, but not enough to paint her face like a clown and die of drugs, or have to pee in a cup for a judge and get her kids taken away. She’s classy, alright.
And now she’s stepped it up a notch. Pamela Anderson is reportedly pregnant with her latest find of a pervert husband, Rick Salomon, which makes sense because daddy’s got to have an heir to his illustrious sex-tape fortune.
If there’s one thing we love most about Pamela Anderson it’s her commitment to life decisions… boobs in, boobs out, boobs in, boobs out – which can be a reference to her breast implants or her marriages (ba dum dum tish!). Yes, we all know that Pamela Anderson likes to keep celebrity marriage stereotypes alive and well by marrying multiple times and making each marriage shorter than the last. At least she’s learned to stop hyphenating her name, so we don’t have to write Pamela Anderson Lee-Rock-Cookie Monster-LA Lakers-Salomon all the time. Thanks, Pammy.
Apparently, Pamela Anderson’s marriage to Rick Salomon was going to follow suit nicely after announcing last month that the newlyweds were separating after just a couple months of marriage. Shocking. But the couple recanted the announcement just a couple of days later. Was it the magical power of true love? Was it an epiphany that marriage is supposed to be longer than a season of Survivor?
Nope. Looks like it was a baby. Pamela Anderson – heaven help us – is reportedly pregnant. Reportedly with Rick Salomon, who reportedly told pals that those wacky pregnancy hormones were the reason Pamela Anderson was “acting crazy” and wanted a divorce. We’d call it coming to her senses, but that’s neither here nor there.
Well, good luck, kids. We know you will be just dynamite, because if there’s any certainty in life, it’s that horrifically doomed, dysfunctional marriages can be saved by having a baby.
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