Articles tagged with: Paparazzi
Britney Spears is guilty of a lot of things. For instance, we heard she intentionally soundtracked the whole Hail Bob thing for that cult where everybody killed themselves to board a spiritual spaceship. It wasn't out of maliciousness, mind you, she just wanted them to cast off peacefully, with the sweet sound of teenage sexiness in their ears. Yeah, that's not true. What is true though, is that the papo who stuck his foot under Britney's car as she was backing up among a throng of flashes and clicks is not getting anything for it. It's more his fault than hers - legally speaking. Since the decision, we've heard that in desperation he's put his hand in Jessica Simpson's blender, his leg in Mandy Moore's bullmastiff dog-food bowl, and slammed his man-part against the door of Christina Aguilera's microwave oven. That's just what we heard.
Poor old Jamie Lynn Spears - ever since Miley Cyrus decided to show some of her back off to the world, people just aren't as interested in pregnant teenagers. That might just be for the best though, because as soon as anyone does show the slightest bit on interest in Jamie Lynn Spears, she flips out and gets them arrested for stalking her, which is what happened to photographer Edwin Merrino a couple of days ago. Merrino denies the charges, but then again who can blame Jamie Lynn Spears for protecting her unborn child so fiercely? If she starts letting strangers get to close to it, then the baby might hear their voice and start to prenatally learn words and concepts that Jamie Lynn Spears herself doesn't understand. Have you ever become the slave of a malevolent super-intelligent unborn baby dictator? It isn't very bloody nice, trust us.
Ever since Miley Cyrus got her back out for Vanity Fair her celebrity has taken off faster than Usian Bolt with a scud-missile rammed up his jacksie. It seems she is now target number one for the lenses of the world’s paparazzi – a section of humanity that, had they been sent to Auschwitz instead of the Jews, would have met no resistance from the rest of the world and we may well have let the Nazi’s keep Poland as a gift. The LA Times has reported that a photo of Miley Cyrus’ first kiss could be worth anything from $30,000 to $150,000. Hecklerspray hasn’t quite got the same budget as the LA Times, but if you happen to get a pic of Miley’s first kiss then in return we’ll give you a tenner and an evening with Matthew Laidlow. He’ll even have a wash and take you to the nearest kebab shop he can find.
Blonde thingy Paris Hilton and boyfriend Benji Madden are being investigated by police for an alleged hit and run, according to The Sun. They are accused of driving over photographer Glen Gurniak’s foot as they left a club in Los Angeles Thursday. Gurniak was left grounded, squealing in pain, as if he were nothing more than a piece of disposable paparazzi trash. However, he soon got up to file a police report against them with the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department. Spokesman Steve Witmore said: "The incident is currently under investigation."
Harry Potter stars aren't exactly brilliant at concealing their modesty, are they? First Daniel Radcliffe decided to get naked for a play about a mental kid who stabs horses in the eyes, and now Emma Watson's at it as well. To be fair, Emma Watson hasn't waggled her penis around in front of a paying audience at the behest of a frightening imaginary horse-God, but she did show everyone her knickers getting out of a car at her 18th birthday party. Which is sort of the same thing. Which is all well and good - getting your pants out for the paparazzi is as much a part of being a celebrity these days as complaining about the paparazzi taking pictures of your pants - but we have our concerns. If Emma Watson's pantyflash gives Ron Weasley any ideas about public nudity, then we're quite prepared to corkscrew our own eyes out now to protect our fragile minds.
It must be rubbish living in LA at the moment - every time Britney Spears so much as sneezes there's a city-wide deluge of paparazzi trampling on your lawn and kicking over your gnomes.
And, if you see notorious LA gangs the Crips and the Bloods as the city's neighbourhood watch brigade, you'll understand that they'd want to do something about this Britney Spears menace.
Which they are. Admittedly they're reportedly doing it by sending gang members into paparazzi scrums to scare the photographers into leaving Britney Spears alone. That's both distasteful and immoral, but anything that stops us from having to look at photos of Britney Spears' mouldy old bajingo any more is alright in our books.
The best thing about Sienna Miller is that she really doesn't have a bloody clue.
If you've seen Sienna Miller in action for even a couple of seconds, you'll realise that she's such an unashamed publicity-whore that she'd hump a goat on a waterslide if it resulted in any amount of newspaper coverage. But despite being this colossal attention-hoover, Sienna Miller actually hates it when people take her photo, and is happy to go to court to tell everyone about.
Sienna Miller was in court yesterday blathering on about how the paparazzi 'hunts' her, to help an upper-class tosswipe friend who was facing a paparazzi-related criminal damage charge. And to back up her attack, Sienna Miller has vowed never to be in another newspaper agai... oh, sorry - we got real life confused with wishful thinking for a second there.
Ah, no, wait - that headline should have read 'Britney Spears Released From Hospital, Despairing Scenes And A Sense That Nobody's Learnt Anything Ensues'. Our bad, sorry.
Anyway, by now you've probably guessed that Britney Spears has been given an early release from her padded room in the psychiatric hospital where she was being held. And you probably also guessed that, now she's been medically classified as Gravely Disabled, the paparazzi and press would back off and let her recover out of basic human decency.
And you're right - Britney Spears' release was only followed by 20 car-swarming paparazzi, two news helicopters and everyone watching the live feed of Britney leaving the hospital and driving through Los Angeles on TV at home. Which is sort of backing off a bit, right? No? Fair enough.
