Now that Jamie Lynn Spears is a) the sister of a loopy megastar and b) a mother who’s not even old enough to vote, she’s become quite famous.
How famous? Famous enough that she gets swarmed by the paparazzi whenever she goes to an airport. Like yesterday, for example, when there were so many photographers bundling over themselves to grab a shot of Jamie Lynn Spears that she needed a large police escort to protect her.
Except she didn’t. It was all a trick. The police weren’t escorting Jamie Lynn Spears through the airport at all – they were escorting a double to fool the paparazzi while Jamie Lynn Spears could quietly slip out of another exit unnoticed. It’s awful and we demand an investigation. Not because of the waste of police resources, you understand – because people actually wanted to take Jamie Lynn Spears’ picture in the first place. Heads will roll for this, mark our words.
Not a good day for the paparazzi yesterday, really. First Kanye West went all berserk and smashed everyone’s cameras up until he got arrested, then hardly anyone got any decent underwear shots of female celebrities getting out of cars, and then – just to make matters worse – they were tricked into taking all kinds of pictures of a woman who they thought was Jamie Lynn Spears but wasn’t.
According to reports, Jamie Lynn Spears was flying into LAX yesterday to visit her sister, the absolutely definitely much better because she wore a shiny dress on Sunday Britney Spears. However, word got out to the paparazzi, who stormed the airport hoping they could snare themselves a valuable picture of Britney’s younger, less famous, less interesting sister.
And that’s what they appeared to get, after several police officers were seen escorting a young blonde lady in sunglasses through the packs of paparazzi in the arrivals lounge. Except all their pictures were in vain – Jamie Lynn Spears pulled the old switcheroo on them by sending a double through the airport in her place and then sneaking out through a more discreet exit untroubled. As TMZ reports:
For some reason, the cops wanted to fool the paparazzi, so they got a random woman on that flight who kinda sorta looked like Jamie Lynn and asked her if they could escort her to baggage claim. She said yes, and the ruse began. By the way, we’ve learned there’s an internal investigation because some big wigs in the police department are pissed.
Never mind the police department, some of the paparazzi need their heads banging together for this. After all, the first rule of being a celebrity photographer is ‘If you can’t recognise them, they’re probably not worth photographing.’ Actually, that’s the second rule of being a celebrity photographer. The first rule is ‘If you really throw yourself down as low as possible when a female celebrity gets out of a car, you’re guaranteed a shot of her muff’. But you get the picture.
Anyway, of course the police chiefs are annoyed. The only thing worse than spending money protecting a Jamie Lynn Spears decoy is spending money protecting Jamie Lynn Spears herself. She’s a mother now, so she’s perfectly capable of barging her way through a crown not caring who she injures because suddenly she assumes it’s her God-given right to do that, thank you very much.
And, anyway, we always assumed that decoys were for heads of state and other potential assassination targets, not the younger sisters of mentally-unwell popstars. Not that Jamie Lynn Spears isn’t a potential assassination target, you understand. We expect that someone’s probably thought of killing her at one point or another. But, you know. It’s Jamie Lynn Spears. Who could possibly be bothered to actually go through all that effort?
No, no more decoys for Jamie Lynn Spears. She should know by now that celebrities have a different way of getting rid of unwanted attention in airports – by urinating in their pants like David Hasselhoff. Do that and nobody’s going to take your picture. Come to think of it, nobody’s going to want to have anything to do with you, you stinking piss monster.
So, yeah, do that next time.