Airports make people tetchy, which explains Bjork’s Thailand tantrum, Elton John’s Taiwan tantrum and the inexplicable existence of Jeremy Spake.

It also explains Kanye West‘s ridiculous little outburst at the paparazzi in LAX yesterday, where he pulled his hood up over his head, swung his arms about like a girl and got arrested on suspicion of vandalism and battery as a result. But now that the heat of the moment has passed, Kanye West thinks that people might have got the wrong impression of him.

Yes, he might have apparently smashed up a photographer’s camera, but that didn’t stop Kanye West from leaping onto his blog this morning and telling the world that actually “I’m cool with the paparazzi.” But did Kanye West himself really write that? Doubtful – the 21-word post only contained four exclamation marks. Kanye’s average exclamation mark tally for a post that size is roughly seven hundred million billion. We smell a rat.

A strange thing happened at the MTV VMAs on Sunday. Kanye West turned up and didn’t endlessly bitch about not winning everything. It was strange to witness – usually Kanye West throwing his toys out of the pram is as traditional a VMA sight as a pack of disgruntled virgins. Maybe, we thought, Kanye West had come to terms with the matter and found peace in himself.

We were wrong. Instead, Kanye West did what all graceful losers do and let the bad feelings systematically build up inside him, turning from a niggle to a grump, and from a grump to a strop, and from a strop to a rage, and from a rage to an alleged completely illegal camera-smashing meltdown in an airport. It’s happened to us all.

And that’s how Kanye West got arrested yesterday, more or less. And, given that he was filmed apparently destroying $10,000 of camera equipment and that the entire internet seems to have independently come to the logical conclusion that Kanye West is a turnip who can’t fight very well, we thought we knew what was coming next.

A bloggy rant. You see, when Kanye West is faced with any criticism at all he hops on his blog, bashes out some angry screed, tapes down the Shift and 1 keys on his laptop, goes off for half an hour, comes back and publishes whatever’s on the screen. It’s why, after he was eight hours late for a festival slot recently, Kanye West wrote the following on his blog:

PEARL JAM ENDED ONE HOUR LATE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AT THAT POINT WE’RE RACING AGAINST THE SUN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Therefore logic dictates that, since actually getting arrested on suspicion of something you’ve been filmed doing is probably a bit worse than getting some hippies miffed, Kanye West’s first blog post on the matter would just be made up of larger and larger exclamation marks culminating in one angry red exclamation mark the size of a bus. But no. Blogging this morning, Kanye West actually wrote this:

We back in the lab!!! I’m cool with the paparazzi. This guy wasn’t cool. I gotta work now… I’ll rant later!

So that’s that. Despite all the visual evidence to the contrary, Kanye West actually likes the paparazzi. That’s good to know, because we hear that whenever the paparazzi don’t like someone, they all gang up together and follow them around flashing lights in their faces and making it hard for them to see where they’re going.

That won’t happen to Kanye West, though, because he likes the paparazzi and the paparazzi likes him straight back. Incidentally, Kanye West’s about to go on a special tour of gratitude around all the professions that he’s cool with, where he plans to kick ladders out from under window cleaners, fill all the lifeguards’ buoancy aids up with cement and punch anyone who works at an orphanage square in the face.

Allegedly.