Articles tagged with: Paparazzi
Heather Locklear DUI Arrest: It’s All The Paparazzi’s Fault
When Heather Locklear got arrested for DUI on Saturday, we thought we knew what we'd see - a funny mugshot, a fine and stint in rehab. But that'd be the easy way. Instead the Heather Locklear arrest story has chosen to get really weird. And it's all the paparazzi's fault. Remember the good Samaritan who alerted the police to Heather Locklear's erratic driving? Turns out she owns a paparazzi agency and managed to sell photos of Heather Locklear being arrested to TMZ for $27,000. So does that affect her credibility as a witness? Was she really just being a concerned citizen? Why's Heather Locklear famous again? What was the date of the first Spanish Armada? Who are you? Why do our legs hurt so much?
When Heather Locklear got arrested for DUI on Saturday, we thought we knew what we'd see - a funny mugshot, a fine and stint in rehab. But that'd be the easy way. Instead the Heather Locklear arrest story has chosen to get really weird. And it's all the paparazzi's fault. Remember the good Samaritan who alerted the police to Heather Locklear's erratic driving? Turns out she owns a paparazzi agency and managed to sell photos of Heather Locklear being arrested to TMZ for $27,000. So does that affect her credibility as a witness? Was she really just being a concerned citizen? Why's Heather Locklear famous again? What was the date of the first Spanish Armada? Who are you? Why do our legs hurt so much?
Actually Kanye West Says He Likes The Paparazzi, So There
Airports make people tetchy, which explains Bjork's Thailand tantrum, Elton John's Taiwan tantrum and the inexplicable existence of Jeremy Spake. It also explains Kanye West's ridiculous little outburst at the paparazzi in LAX yesterday, where he pulled his hood up over his head, swung his arms about like a girl and got arrested on suspicion of vandalism and battery as a result. But now that the heat of the moment has passed, Kanye West thinks that people might have got the wrong impression of him. Yes, he might have apparently smashed up a photographer's camera, but that didn't stop Kanye West from leaping onto his blog this morning and telling the world that actually "I'm cool with the paparazzi." But did Kanye West himself really write that? Doubtful - the 21-word post only contained four exclamation marks. Kanye's average exclamation mark tally for a post that size is roughly seven hundred million billion. We smell a rat.
Airports make people tetchy, which explains Bjork's Thailand tantrum, Elton John's Taiwan tantrum and the inexplicable existence of Jeremy Spake. It also explains Kanye West's ridiculous little outburst at the paparazzi in LAX yesterday, where he pulled his hood up over his head, swung his arms about like a girl and got arrested on suspicion of vandalism and battery as a result. But now that the heat of the moment has passed, Kanye West thinks that people might have got the wrong impression of him. Yes, he might have apparently smashed up a photographer's camera, but that didn't stop Kanye West from leaping onto his blog this morning and telling the world that actually "I'm cool with the paparazzi." But did Kanye West himself really write that? Doubtful - the 21-word post only contained four exclamation marks. Kanye's average exclamation mark tally for a post that size is roughly seven hundred million billion. We smell a rat.
Jamie Lynn Spears Fools The World With Her Fiendish Wit
Now that Jamie Lynn Spears is a) the sister of a loopy megastar and b) a mother who's not even old enough to vote, she's become quite famous. How famous? Famous enough that she gets swarmed by the paparazzi whenever she goes to an airport. Like yesterday, for example, when there were so many photographers bundling over themselves to grab a shot of Jamie Lynn Spears that she needed a large police escort to protect her. Except she didn't. It was all a trick. The police weren't escorting Jamie Lynn Spears through the airport at all - they were escorting a double to fool the paparazzi while Jamie Lynn Spears could quietly slip out of another exit unnoticed. It's awful and we demand an investigation. Not because of the waste of police resources, you understand - because people actually wanted to take Jamie Lynn Spears' picture in the first place. Heads will roll for this, mark our words.
Now that Jamie Lynn Spears is a) the sister of a loopy megastar and b) a mother who's not even old enough to vote, she's become quite famous. How famous? Famous enough that she gets swarmed by the paparazzi whenever she goes to an airport. Like yesterday, for example, when there were so many photographers bundling over themselves to grab a shot of Jamie Lynn Spears that she needed a large police escort to protect her. Except she didn't. It was all a trick. The police weren't escorting Jamie Lynn Spears through the airport at all - they were escorting a double to fool the paparazzi while Jamie Lynn Spears could quietly slip out of another exit unnoticed. It's awful and we demand an investigation. Not because of the waste of police resources, you understand - because people actually wanted to take Jamie Lynn Spears' picture in the first place. Heads will roll for this, mark our words.
Stupid-Named Surfers Charged Over McConaughey Beach Thump
Think carefully - what's the most extreme reaction you've ever had towards Matthew McConaughey? A yawn? A twitch? An imperceptible shrug? Not if you're a surfer. Surfers see Matthew McConaughey as their hero, their dim mahogany idol. And if you mess with Matthew McConaughey you mess with the entire surfer community, as a group of paparazzi found out in June when the surfers rounded on them for taking pictures of McConaughey and shoved them around a bit. Now two surfers have been charged for the McConaughey paparazzi flare-up. But that's not important. What's important are the names of the people involved in the scuffle, because they're so stupid it's impossible not to find the whole thing hilarious. Spoiler alert - one of them's called Skylar.
Think carefully - what's the most extreme reaction you've ever had towards Matthew McConaughey? A yawn? A twitch? An imperceptible shrug? Not if you're a surfer. Surfers see Matthew McConaughey as their hero, their dim mahogany idol. And if you mess with Matthew McConaughey you mess with the entire surfer community, as a group of paparazzi found out in June when the surfers rounded on them for taking pictures of McConaughey and shoved them around a bit. Now two surfers have been charged for the McConaughey paparazzi flare-up. But that's not important. What's important are the names of the people involved in the scuffle, because they're so stupid it's impossible not to find the whole thing hilarious. Spoiler alert - one of them's called Skylar.
Lily Allen Delivers Street Justice on Video. Also: Swears a Lot.
Lily Allen - she's that one who had pink hair, a godawful TV show and is generally a waste of space. Yeah, that sounds about right. Well now it would seem she's got herself into MMA - that's mixed martial arts - with some hardcore street fighting action. Well, hardcore may be a bit far, but Lily Allen did go and try to beat up a random French girl for insulting her. And we shouldn't forget that she also managed to swear like a navvie, and she managed to do all of this in front of about 32,000 paparazzi and other press hounds. Not a bad effort, we have to say. But to top off all the topping offs that could be topped off, there's a video too - and it's after the jump.
Lily Allen - she's that one who had pink hair, a godawful TV show and is generally a waste of space. Yeah, that sounds about right. Well now it would seem she's got herself into MMA - that's mixed martial arts - with some hardcore street fighting action. Well, hardcore may be a bit far, but Lily Allen did go and try to beat up a random French girl for insulting her. And we shouldn't forget that she also managed to swear like a navvie, and she managed to do all of this in front of about 32,000 paparazzi and other press hounds. Not a bad effort, we have to say. But to top off all the topping offs that could be topped off, there's a video too - and it's after the jump.
Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie’s Guards Have A Paparazzi Punch-Up
It's long been a dream of ours to dress up in camouflage and hold a pitched battle on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's front lawn. Sadly, our stupid sense of common decency has always held us back from achieving our goal, which is why we've decided to live vicariously through the two camouflaged photographers who've been questioned by police after fighting with guards on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's property in France. What exactly happened is a mystery - the guards and photographers are both accusing the other side of battery - but it's clear why the paparazzi were on Brad and Angelina's property in the first place. Apparently the garden is a haven for a rare breed of yellow wagtail, and the photographers would have got a first-rate shot of them if Angelina Jolie's stupid twins didn't keep getting in the bloody way.
It's long been a dream of ours to dress up in camouflage and hold a pitched battle on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's front lawn. Sadly, our stupid sense of common decency has always held us back from achieving our goal, which is why we've decided to live vicariously through the two camouflaged photographers who've been questioned by police after fighting with guards on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's property in France. What exactly happened is a mystery - the guards and photographers are both accusing the other side of battery - but it's clear why the paparazzi were on Brad and Angelina's property in the first place. Apparently the garden is a haven for a rare breed of yellow wagtail, and the photographers would have got a first-rate shot of them if Angelina Jolie's stupid twins didn't keep getting in the bloody way.
Brad Pitt Throws Furious Giganto-Strop Over Secret Baby Photos
You're probably wondering what Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's new twins look like, because you're nosy and have nothing better to do. But you mustn't. You mustn't look at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's babies - especially if you're looking at the paparazzi photos secretly taken with a high-powered telephoto lens that were recently taken. Look at those and Brad Pitt will sue your sweaty loner arse all the way to the moon and back. He's said so himself. But don't get the wrong idea - Brad Pitt isn't going to unusually strong legal measures to protect the privacy of his family. He's doing it to protect you. Those babies are so genetically perfect that if you even glance at them you'll instantly leave your wife because their beauty will show her up to be the ugly old trollop that she really is.
You're probably wondering what Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's new twins look like, because you're nosy and have nothing better to do. But you mustn't. You mustn't look at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's babies - especially if you're looking at the paparazzi photos secretly taken with a high-powered telephoto lens that were recently taken. Look at those and Brad Pitt will sue your sweaty loner arse all the way to the moon and back. He's said so himself. But don't get the wrong idea - Brad Pitt isn't going to unusually strong legal measures to protect the privacy of his family. He's doing it to protect you. Those babies are so genetically perfect that if you even glance at them you'll instantly leave your wife because their beauty will show her up to be the ugly old trollop that she really is.
Britney Spears Possibly Does the Stupidest Thing She Could Ever Do
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer: it's a decent way of looking at things. But not so decent when your enemy is a paparazzo, who deals entirely on getting pictures of you in compromising positions, exchanging your dignity for cold, hard cash.
Damn - someone should have told Britney Spears this before she started her relationship with British photo-jockey Adnan Ghalib. See, keeping one's enemies closer does work in many situations, but when your enemy's sole purpose in life is to get as close to you as they legally can, you should probably opt for 'running away quite fast and keeping your enemy at a few arms' length'.
Alas, our poor, maybe quite mental Britney wasn't warned, and now she's supposedly trying to stop another wonderful celebrity sex tape from being released to the baying public. If only people would help to look after the girl.
