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Paparazzi

Brad Pitt Gets All “I! Hate! EVERYONE! (In The Paparazzi)”

by Stuart Heritage

You know how Brad Pitt is constantly getting stalked by the paparazzi wherever he goes, much to his clear annoyance?

Well, you’ll never guess what he thinks of them.

In an interview with The Today Show, Brad Pitt has announced that he hates the paparazzi, but he loves his family. Steady on there, Brad – much more of this controversial ‘good things are good and bad things are bad’ talk and there’s a decent chance that you’ll end up literally melting our mind. What? You like your family? That’s literally crazy. Video after the jump.

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Kanye West Gets All Pissy With The Papparazzi

by Matthew Laidlow

Last week on his Glow In The Dark tour, Kanye West decided to visit a grotty nightclub in Newcastle after entertaining thousands of fans.

Did Kanye sip his lemonade without any problems whilst sitting in the corner of the VIP area? Don’t be daft, something went tits up of course.

It seems that Kanye West has a recurring problems with people who like to take people’s pictures. Granted they may get in the way and stop you from doing day-to-day activities such as getting some milk and waiting for a plane, but never mind. In the Tup Tup Palace nightclub – a place that doesn’t exactly scream class – a member of the paparazzi elite got to close to Kanye and ended up getting his face busted up. Was it Kanye’s fault? Of course not, and he’s explained why in a (nother) big pissy blog rant.

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Keanu Reeves Didn’t Run Over No Stinking Paparazzi

by Stuart Heritage

Like many people, we’ve often dreamt of jiggling around flashing lights into Keanu Reeves’ face as he attempts to drive a car.

But we’ve been too scared to do that, because of that paparazzo who claimed that Keanu Reeves mercilessly mowed him down while he was doing that exact same thing. But our days of worry are far behind us, readers – Keanu Reeves has been cleared of liability over the accident.

You know what that means? It means that Keanu Reeves didn’t run over photographer Alison Silva last year, yes, but mainly it means that we’re all allowed to be as infuriatingly intrusive towards Keanu Reeves while he’s in his car as we like, and he almost certainly won’t drive into us as fast as he can, shattering our pelvis into a million pieces. Almost certainly. Result!

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No! Jessica Simpson’s Hairdresser Slightly Injured By A Camera

by Stuart Heritage

Sad news- in fact, this is probably the saddest news about one of Jessica Simpson’s hairdressers that we’ve heard in over a month.

We can hardly bring ourselves to tell you this, but here goes – on Saturday night, Jessica Simpson’s hairdresser Ken Paves got caught in the middle of a paparazzi crush while out with Simpson, and ended up bleeding out of his face a little bit because he got socked with a camera.

This incident is a sign that the war between celebrities and the paparazzi has just taken a turn for the worse. Jessica Simpson’s hairdresser getting donked in the face is how it begins, but we dread to think what’ll come next. Lindsay Lohan’s manicurist getting kicked in the shins? The little old lady who Ryan Seacrest employs to water his plants getting a nasty Chinese burn and a wedgie? Where will the madness end? WHERE?

Sad news- in fact, this is probably the saddest news about one of Jessica Simpson's hairdressers that we've heard in over a month. We can hardly bring ourselves to tell you this, but here goes - on Saturday night, Jessica Simpson's hairdresser Ken Paves got caught in the middle of a paparazzi crush while out with Simpson, and ended up bleeding out of his face a little bit because he got socked with a camera. This incident is a sign that the war between celebrities and the paparazzi has just taken a turn for the worse. Jessica Simpson's hairdresser getting donked in the face is how it begins, but we dread to think what'll come next. Lindsay Lohan's manicurist getting kicked in the shins? The little old lady who Ryan Seacrest employs to water his plants getting a nasty Chinese burn and a wedgie? Where will the madness end? WHERE?
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Keanu Reeves Didn’t Run Over A Paparazzo, Says Keanu Reeves

by Stuart Heritage

You rarely see paparazzi pictures of Keanu Reeves, and that’s because the paparazzi are terrified of Keanu Reeves squishing them into liquid with his car.

Or it’s because Keanu Reeves is quite private and stuff. One or the other. But photographer Alison Silva probably thinks it’s the first one, because he’s suing Keanu Reeves for allegedly hitting him with his car last year, causing career-threatening injuries to his wrist which, coupled with the fact that he’s got a girl’s name, must have really ticked him off.

But yesterday Keanu Reeves showed up in court to spread some of the trademark Keanu Reeves moviestar razzle dazzle around and convince everyone otherwise. Sadly, the Keanu Reeves version of razzle dazzle involves standing around looking blank-faced and a bit confused and occasionally saying “woah.” We aren’t anticipating a good outcome for him.

You rarely see paparazzi pictures of Keanu Reeves, and that's because the paparazzi are terrified of Keanu Reeves squishing them into liquid with his car. Or it's because Keanu Reeves is quite private and stuff. One or the other. But photographer Alison Silva probably thinks it's the first one, because he's suing Keanu Reeves for allegedly hitting him with his car last year, causing career-threatening injuries to his wrist which, coupled with the fact that he's got a girl's name, must have really ticked him off. But yesterday Keanu Reeves showed up in court to spread some of the trademark Keanu Reeves moviestar razzle dazzle around and convince everyone otherwise. Sadly, the Keanu Reeves version of razzle dazzle involves standing around looking blank-faced and a bit confused and occasionally saying "woah." We aren't anticipating a good outcome for him.
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Heather Locklear DUI Arrest: It’s All The Paparazzi’s Fault

by Stuart Heritage

When Heather Locklear got arrested for DUI on Saturday, we thought we knew what we’d see – a funny mugshot, a fine and stint in rehab.

But that’d be the easy way. Instead the Heather Locklear arrest story has chosen to get really weird. And it’s all the paparazzi’s fault.

Remember the good Samaritan who alerted the police to Heather Locklear’s erratic driving? Turns out she owns a paparazzi agency and managed to sell photos of Heather Locklear being arrested to TMZ for $27,000. So does that affect her credibility as a witness? Was she really just being a concerned citizen? Why’s Heather Locklear famous again? What was the date of the first Spanish Armada? Who are you? Why do our legs hurt so much?

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Actually Kanye West Says He Likes The Paparazzi, So There

by Stuart Heritage

Airports make people tetchy, which explains Bjork’s Thailand tantrum, Elton John’s Taiwan tantrum and the inexplicable existence of Jeremy Spake.

It also explains Kanye West’s ridiculous little outburst at the paparazzi in LAX yesterday, where he pulled his hood up over his head, swung his arms about like a girl and got arrested on suspicion of vandalism and battery as a result. But now that the heat of the moment has passed, Kanye West thinks that people might have got the wrong impression of him.

Yes, he might have apparently smashed up a photographer’s camera, but that didn’t stop Kanye West from leaping onto his blog this morning and telling the world that actually “I’m cool with the paparazzi.” But did Kanye West himself really write that? Doubtful – the 21-word post only contained four exclamation marks. Kanye’s average exclamation mark tally for a post that size is roughly seven hundred million billion. We smell a rat.

Airports make people tetchy, which explains Bjork's Thailand tantrum, Elton John's Taiwan tantrum and the inexplicable existence of Jeremy Spake. It also explains Kanye West's ridiculous little outburst at the paparazzi in LAX yesterday, where he pulled his hood up over his head, swung his arms about like a girl and got arrested on suspicion of vandalism and battery as a result. But now that the heat of the moment has passed, Kanye West thinks that people might have got the wrong impression of him. Yes, he might have apparently smashed up a photographer's camera, but that didn't stop Kanye West from leaping onto his blog this morning and telling the world that actually "I'm cool with the paparazzi." But did Kanye West himself really write that? Doubtful - the 21-word post only contained four exclamation marks. Kanye's average exclamation mark tally for a post that size is roughly seven hundred million billion. We smell a rat.
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Jamie Lynn Spears Fools The World With Her Fiendish Wit

by Stuart Heritage

Now that Jamie Lynn Spears is a) the sister of a loopy megastar and b) a mother who’s not even old enough to vote, she’s become quite famous.

How famous? Famous enough that she gets swarmed by the paparazzi whenever she goes to an airport. Like yesterday, for example, when there were so many photographers bundling over themselves to grab a shot of Jamie Lynn Spears that she needed a large police escort to protect her.

Except she didn’t. It was all a trick. The police weren’t escorting Jamie Lynn Spears through the airport at all – they were escorting a double to fool the paparazzi while Jamie Lynn Spears could quietly slip out of another exit unnoticed. It’s awful and we demand an investigation. Not because of the waste of police resources, you understand – because people actually wanted to take Jamie Lynn Spears’ picture in the first place. Heads will roll for this, mark our words.

Now that Jamie Lynn Spears is a) the sister of a loopy megastar and b) a mother who's not even old enough to vote, she's become quite famous. How famous? Famous enough that she gets swarmed by the paparazzi whenever she goes to an airport. Like yesterday, for example, when there were so many photographers bundling over themselves to grab a shot of Jamie Lynn Spears that she needed a large police escort to protect her. Except she didn't. It was all a trick. The police weren't escorting Jamie Lynn Spears through the airport at all - they were escorting a double to fool the paparazzi while Jamie Lynn Spears could quietly slip out of another exit unnoticed. It's awful and we demand an investigation. Not because of the waste of police resources, you understand - because people actually wanted to take Jamie Lynn Spears' picture in the first place. Heads will roll for this, mark our words.
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Stupid-Named Surfers Charged Over McConaughey Beach Thump

by Stuart Heritage

Think carefully – what’s the most extreme reaction you’ve ever had towards Matthew McConaughey? A yawn? A twitch? An imperceptible shrug?

Not if you’re a surfer. Surfers see Matthew McConaughey as their hero, their dim mahogany idol. And if you mess with Matthew McConaughey you mess with the entire surfer community, as a group of paparazzi found out in June when the surfers rounded on them for taking pictures of McConaughey and shoved them around a bit.

Now two surfers have been charged for the McConaughey paparazzi flare-up. But that’s not important. What’s important are the names of the people involved in the scuffle, because they’re so stupid it’s impossible not to find the whole thing hilarious. Spoiler alert – one of them’s called Skylar.

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Lily Allen Delivers Street Justice on Video. Also: Swears a Lot.

by Ian Dransfield

Lily Allen – she’s that one who had pink hair, a godawful TV show and is generally a waste of space. Yeah, that sounds about right. Well now it would seem she’s got herself into MMA – that’s mixed martial arts – with some hardcore street fighting action. Well, hardcore may be a bit far, [...]

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