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It must be hard being Pippa Middleton; trying to be a serious business woman and gallivanting around London, made all the more difficult because everyone knows you for being the one with the arse that stole your sister’s wedding day.
Poor, poor Pippa.
But a tabloid picture editor has come forward and announced that newspapers would be offered around 300 or 400 pictures PER DAY of the fitter Middleton, none of which are of her arse.
Where there’s blame, there’s a claim… right? Well, in the case of paparazzi photographer and presumed harassing scum-ventricle, Grigor Baylan, he’s suing Lindsay Lohan for something she didn’t actually do for once.
Our papping chum is taking legal action against the actress after he found himself being run over by a motor car that was trying to get away from… you guessed it! The paparazzo.
And the best bit is – LiLo wasn’t even driving the car!
The curse of Celebrity Big Brother is rearing its ugly head again as former contestants and professional divorcees Alex Reid and Chantelle Houghton announce that they think they’re ready to reproduce.
Jordan’s former fella spread the word via one of those glossy lady rags that you see in your dentist’s waiting room, but would never pick up because there’s a picture of Alex Reid on the cover trying his best to look like he’s still a cage-fighter…
…or vaguely relevant.
You don’t really care who Tori Spelling is but, alas, it is the slowest news day of 2011 thus far. This means that not only are we struggling to find celebrities to write about, but the poor paparazzi are chasing absolutely anyone now.
And because all the proper celebrities have obviously taken the day off, every single photographer on Earth decided to harass Tori Spelling because she just happened to be passing and they half recognised her from when she used to be in Beverley Hills 90210.
Sadly for Spelling, she’s not equipped to deal with the press these days and ended up crashing her and her pregnant stomach through a concrete wall which shielded screaming children. Oooops.
Poor celebrities. They need the press to promote their wares and, of course, the best way to keep the hacks interested is to give them a sense of allowing them into their inner-sanctum. The writer gets to live vicariously through the star and a notion of exclusivity, while the celebrity gets to stay in the public eye, as a visual aid that they’ve got things you can buy of theirs.
However, at some point in a sleb’s career, they must become irritated by the press intrusion. It appears that they’re under the impression that they can play ball for a while, and then walk away when it suits them, only to return when they actually have a product to push.
Sadly, ‘celebrity’ is not on a Pay As You Go contract. Your short shelf life is in symbiosis with the will of hacks to shift units of newspapers and magazines, and so, when you’ve tired of the press writing about you, all that remains for a celebrity is to either give up on fame, or go talk to the very people who pose the problem of your life being no longer yours. And here’s Selena Gomez…
Hello Middleton family! Welcome to the dank, foetid world of celebritidom! In this new realm which you now find yourselves in, you’ll find that people have no qualms about digging up old photos of you in states of undress or looking drunk, or indeed, sticking SLRs up your skirt to snap your gussets!
Hurray for that.
And with that, Kate Middleton, her mother Carol, and sister Pippa (or, as you’ll know her, ‘The One With The Nice Arse’) have filed an official complaint against newspapers who published pictures of them in their bikinis.
Katie Price isn’t going to be using her children in TV shows or magazine shoots any more. She won’t be giving them a lift to school either as she’s been disqualified from driving after she received three further points on her licence for speeding, a court heard.
We’re pretty sure you’ve already done the ‘twin airbags’ joke in your head, which means we don’t have to bother. Thanks for that.
The famous for being famous person was caught by a speed camera doing 83mph along the A23 at Pyecombe in West Sussex last December. BUT WAIT! It isn’t her fault at all! Read More >>>
We’ve seen 300, so we know Gerard Butler isn’t a man to mess with. That felt-tip drawn-on sixpack means business, you know.
And because we’ve seen 300, we know that provoking him will lead to one of two outcomes. Either Gerard Butler will tilt his head back and bellow in slow motion for what seems like 45 minutes or he’ll do something so absurdly homoerotic that you’ll need to go home and scrub yourself clean afterwards.
Or – if you’re a photographer – he’ll punch you in the face a couple of times. Because that’s what Gerard Butler has just been charged with allegedly doing.
