The curse of Celebrity Big Brother is rearing its ugly head again as former contestants and professional divorcees Alex Reid and Chantelle Houghton announce that they think they're ready to reproduce.
Jordan?s former fella spread the word via one of those glossy lady rags that you see in your dentist?s waiting room, but would never pick up because there's a picture of Alex Reid on the cover trying his best to look like he's still a cage-fighter?
…or vaguely relevant.
According to Reid, who's been dating Chantelle for less than 6 months, Houghton is, ?the one.? He didn't clarify whether he meant romantically or in more of an intellectual capacity, but for arguments sake we?ll just assume he meant he's willing to spend the rest of his life with a woman who secretly arranged for photographers to follow her and her ex, Rav Wilding, around, just so that she'd get some column inches.
The lawyers have informed us that we should probably point out that it's only alleged that Chantelle had the paparazzi follow her around, but let's be honest, we all know it was true.
So, with a cross dressing cage fighter and an equally imbecilic former Paris Hilton impersonator for parents, what can we expect from this imminently arriving celebrity sprog?
First off, upon exiting the womb the baby will be expected to sign an exclusivity deal with both OK! Magazine and Channel 5, ensuring that every word, step, burp and bowel movement will be documented live for our entertainment. It'll be like the Truman Show, but with a disturbing sexual undertone.
Secondly, the baby is going to be stupid and we blame the parents. Let's face it, Reid and Houghton have probably spent more time on a sun bed than they have curled up with a good book.
Thirdly, it's inevitable that Alex and Chantelle, or Alelle as we are now to call them, will be voted as celebrity parents of the year. Despite the fact the child was quite obviously just a PR stunt that they?ll end up dumping 6 months later, like the proverbial kitten in a sack.
Good luck Alex and Chantelle. May the fruit of your loins be every bit as charismatic and loveable as you are.
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