You guys, I get the feeling Alec Baldwin doesn’t like the paparazzi. I don’t know what it is, but… oh, wait. I do know. It’s all the manhandling. Seriously, he can’t keep his hands off them. He’s like a schoolboy with an angry, violent crush.
In the past year and change he’s had not one but TWO tussles with the paparazzi. Last June he punched a New York Daily News photographer on the chin (weak, Alec), then claimed it was self-defense. Who punches someone on the chin in self-defense? Or rather, who punches someone on the chin? Sounds like someone needs to learn a little Krav Maga.
This latest incident took place Tuesday afternoon, when Baldwin and his wife Hilaria (more like Hysteria, amirite?) decided to leave their newborn on a changing table probably and go out for a stroll. Some paparazzi, sensing famous post-pregnancy hormones in the air, swarmed upon them and chased Hysteria into a tea shop, leading to this exchange between Baldwin and the Paparazzi King:
PK: Smile for the birdie!
AB: Fuck off, you fucking motherfucker. I’m gonna knock out your teeth and make them into a necklace for my baby.*
At which point Baldwin followed the Paparazzi King around for a few seconds and pinned him to the hood of a car, paving the way for a good ol’ citizens’ arrest defense. Sadly, he did not then produce a pair of handcuffs and proceed to latch PK to a street sign, suavely lean against the car, and mouth “I’ll fucking kill you” over and over until the police arrived.
My question is, who’s next? Perez Hilton? (That would actually be hilarious.) Will Baldwin start carrying around a weapon? Or maybe, I don’t know, attend some court-appointed anger management sessions? Can they get Jack Nicholson to be his therapist? Or better yet, Tina Fey?