Alec Baldwin Quits Being A Fame Whore. For Now

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Alec Baldwin I QuitAlec Baldwin is sick of being famous.  Not truly sick of it where he would stop acting or accepting obnoxiously large sums of money for minimal work, mind you.  Nor is he sick of people knowing who he is and fawning over him 24/7.  That would be ludicrous.

Instead, Baldwin is sick of paparazzi taking this his picture when he isn’t getting paid for it, or commoners sharing his precious air when he is trying to use it all to yell vile things at his wife, daughter, the local girl scout troop.  So he is doing the most practical thing possible to fight back when you hate crowds and people and publicity- he is moving from New York City to Los Angeles.

Alec Baldwin is a total dick 99.9% of the time, with the occasionally funny Saturday Night Live cameo where he comes off less dick-y.   One minute he is yelling at some homeless person for invading his personal bubble (AKA Manhattan) with their grossness, the next he is fighting with stewardesses for asking him to turn off his knock off Scrabble app, and during all of it he is still totally oblivious to the fact that he is a pretentious asshole.

When famous people decide they are tired of being famous, most of the time it is the fakest, most obnoxious ploy I have ever seen. Very few of these bitches ever say this and actually, you know, stop doing shit to be famous.  Usually they take a break from Twitter, or “retire” for 5 minutes (Fuck you Bieber and LaBeouf), or something else equally stupid until they remember that after breathing and water, fame is the third most important thing to their survival.

Such is the case with Alec’s latest “I QUIT THIS BITCH!” rant.  Fun tip for future celebrities who want to try and get any sympathy from us regular common folk about how hard your life is being so much in the public eye- Don’t take out a 7 PAGE ad in a popular magazine with your smug face all over the cover, and then whine about not having any privacy.  His ramblings are long, wordy, completely self-indulgent, and frankly I give zero fucks, so if you want to read it all yourself you can, but I am only going to provide bullet points.

1) It’s all Harvey Levin and TMZ’s fault that people think he is a homophobe.  Baldwin may admit to saying cocksucker, tranny, and queen, but he NEVER said the f-word (or at least, he doesn’t remember or think he said it.  Fuck the video footage).

2) It’s Shia LaBeouf’s fault for their fight and Shia’s inevitable quitting of the play they were supposed to star in.  How dare Shia expect Baldwin to learn his lines!  Such arrogance on LaBeouf’s part.

3)  He is glad he got fired from MSNBC because he hates all those bitches anyway (only after he is no longer receiving a nice direct deposit from them in his bank account every 2 weeks) and they are a bunch of losers.  It’s their fault his show sucked and no on watched, because people LOVE Alec Baldwin.

4) And then he talks some shit about Anderson Cooper (I will cut you, Baldwin), Rachel Maddow,  GLAAD, a bunch of MSNBC hosts, and pretty much all of us for being smart enough to “get” Alec Baldwin.

So, Alec has packed his bags and is setting out for a much quieter, more private life in the West Coast version of NYC.  I give it about a month before he gets his first arrest for cold clocking some Californian paparazzi for daring to take his picture after he leaves the fame whore mecca known as The Ivy.  As a New Yorker myself, peace out Baldwin!

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