The Left Side of Mariah Carey’s Face is Literally Sinister

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Mariah Carey, Nicki Minaj and Randy Jackson

Take a long look at this picture of Mariah Carey. What you’re seeing is a triptych, known through the art world as a collection of three images, often portraying different concepts.

From left to right you have concerned, casual and petrified the camera might sneak a peek at the left side of your face.

That’s right. Renowned diva Mariah Carey has jumped from being a lovably batshit insane superego to just plain crazy with this interview for E! about American Idol.

When she was 19 and breaking into the business, someone told Mariah that the left hand side of her face was butt ugly. Now…well, whatever. I’ll leave you, dear reader, to ponder the stupidness of that statement. All I’m going to say is that Mariah took it to heart, and for the past several decades it’s permanently fucked her up.

She claimed she was fine with it – in 2009, she said the following:

I don’t feel like, ‘Oh, I have to be on this side, or I have to be on this side’ — I really had specific things that someone told me when I was 19 starting in the business and I listened to them … I don’t care anymore

But actually when she said “I don’t care anymore” what she meant was “I care just as much as I ever did, and maybe moreso than ever before.”

You only have to look at the above video for proof of just how uncomfortable she feels. You can actually see the mental cogs whirring as she figures out, mid-monologue, how she can rotate her head in a semi-casual way and try and hide the weird neuroses. It never works – it always looks forced, and you go “why the fuck is Mariah Carey staring off into the middle distance off-camera when answering a fairly basic question?”

Mariah Carey

If it weren’t for the fact that Mariah had said she’d been fine with her face a few years ago, you’d think that – given this is a well-known thing in Hollywood – that some producer at E! simply had it in for the songstress. But no, Carey brought this on herself. She’s Mariah Carey: people know she’s unreasonably and insane. Had she simply fessed up that yes, she is still insane, and yes, she still has the problem with the face rather than trying to pass as a normal person, she’d never have been in this position.

In fact, I think that’s the moral of this story. Kids! Don’t lie! It only causes trouble in social situations in the future.

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Comments

  1. fatal says

    I think the producers at E are just sick of all of MeMe’s batsh–t crazy BS by now-and it’s been obvious for a decade that MeMe -now Moo Moo has severe mental issues and seems to be actually mildly retarded or something-bee-yotch has issues at any rate-now that she is fat and still trying to pretend she can do video strip she is even more freaky-a lot of this has to do with her hiding behind Randy from Minaj-obviously MeMe is scared to even look at her-Minaj tries vigorously to include MeMe in the dialogue and give her eye contact which crazy MeMe tries to avoid like -well someone that is mentally unstable-plus MeMe is desperately trying to make up for the previous TCA interview where she looked like a green blimp-couldn’t fit in her chair or cross her pontoon stump legs-Minaj really made her look like chopped liver and when that happens the self centered MeMe pretty much has a wicked witch meltdown-MeMe really can’t do live anymore-she can’t walk, she has trouble speaking if she doesn’t have absolute set control with weeks to photo edit any film of her she looks like a messy fat cow

  2. Annemarie Conrod says

    Mariah looks nervous and self conscious, why, I don’t know. I can say, no matter what side of her face she shows, she’s a lovely woman! Period!

  3. MINDI says

    I THINK SHE IS A SWEET ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL TALENTED ACCOMPLISHED WOMAN. ALL WOMEN HAVE THEIR INSECURITIES AND SHE IS IN THE PUBLIC EYE WHERE THE CRITIQUES ARE BRUTAL. SO LEAVE HER ALONE.L

  4. Dp_redbone says

    Below is a list of Mimi’s achievements…In other words she can’t be that crazy…self conscious maybe but crazy…don’t think so!

    Most weeks at number one
    16 weeks
    Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men — “One Sweet Day” (1995–1996)-no one has more
    14 weeks
    Mariah Carey — “We Belong Together” (2005)
    Most consecutive weeks in top ten after debuting in top ten
    16 weeks – Mariah Carey — “Fantasy” (Number one for eight weeks) (1995)
    15 weeks – Mariah Carey — “Always Be My Baby” (Number one for two weeks) (1996)
    Number-one debuts
    Mariah Carey — “Fantasy” (September 30, 1995)
    Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men — “One Sweet Day” (December 2, 1995)
    Mariah Carey — “Honey” (September 13, 1997)
    Most top 10 singles
    Mariah Carey (27) tie
    Most number-one singles
    Mariah Carey (18)
    Most consecutive number-one singles
    Mariah Carey (5)
    Most consecutive years charting a number-one single
    Mariah Carey (11)- no-one has more
    Most cumulative weeks at number one
    79 – Mariah Carey (tie with Elvis for #1)
    Simultaneously occupying the top two positions
    Mariah Carey: September 10, 2005
    “We Belong Together”
    “Shake It Off”
    Most consecutive weeks in top ten
    41 weeks – Mariah Carey — “Fantasy”, “One Sweet Day” (with Boyz II Men), “Always Be My Baby” (1995–96)
    Producers with the most number-one singles
    14 - Mariah Carey
    Most consecutive years producing a number-one single
    10- Mariah Carey
    Most number-one singles-Songwriter
    17 Mariah Carey
    Most consecutive years writing a number-one hit
    8 - Mariah Carey

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