Take a long look at this picture of Mariah Carey. What you’re seeing is a triptych, known through the art world as a collection of three images, often portraying different concepts.
From left to right you have concerned, casual and petrified the camera might sneak a peek at the left side of your face.
That’s right. Renowned diva Mariah Carey has jumped from being a lovably batshit insane superego to just plain crazy with this interview for E! about American Idol.
When she was 19 and breaking into the business, someone told Mariah that the left hand side of her face was butt ugly. Now…well, whatever. I’ll leave you, dear reader, to ponder the stupidness of that statement. All I’m going to say is that Mariah took it to heart, and for the past several decades it’s permanently fucked her up.
She claimed she was fine with it – in 2009, she said the following:
I don’t feel like, ‘Oh, I have to be on this side, or I have to be on this side’ — I really had specific things that someone told me when I was 19 starting in the business and I listened to them … I don’t care anymore
But actually when she said “I don’t care anymore” what she meant was “I care just as much as I ever did, and maybe moreso than ever before.”
You only have to look at the above video for proof of just how uncomfortable she feels. You can actually see the mental cogs whirring as she figures out, mid-monologue, how she can rotate her head in a semi-casual way and try and hide the weird neuroses. It never works – it always looks forced, and you go “why the fuck is Mariah Carey staring off into the middle distance off-camera when answering a fairly basic question?”
If it weren’t for the fact that Mariah had said she’d been fine with her face a few years ago, you’d think that – given this is a well-known thing in Hollywood – that some producer at E! simply had it in for the songstress. But no, Carey brought this on herself. She’s Mariah Carey: people know she’s unreasonably and insane. Had she simply fessed up that yes, she is still insane, and yes, she still has the problem with the face rather than trying to pass as a normal person, she’d never have been in this position.
In fact, I think that’s the moral of this story. Kids! Don’t lie! It only causes trouble in social situations in the future.