Hello Middleton family! Welcome to the dank, foetid world of celebritidom! In this new realm which you now find yourselves in, you’ll find that people have no qualms about digging up old photos of you in states of undress or looking drunk, or indeed, sticking SLRs up your skirt to snap your gussets!
Hurray for that.
And with that, Kate Middleton, her mother Carol, and sister Pippa (or, as you’ll know her, ‘The One With The Nice Arse’) have filed an official complaint against newspapers who published pictures of them in their bikinis.
Now, if you haven’t seen the pictures in question, feel free to check for them online because, despite this complaint, they’re still absolutely everywhere.
Are you back with us now? Cleaned your hairy little guts of sputum? Good.
These photographs are five-years-old photos and were taken when the Middletons holidayed on a yacht in Ibiza. That’s right – a yacht. Presumably, it was a ‘commoners’ yacht.
And now, despite the fact these photos were published ages ago, now that the Middleton family are down with Prince William & Co, they’ve lodged a complaint with the Press Complaints Commission because they think they’re privacy has been breached.
Not unlike the wedding day which wasn’t a mass of invaded privacy.
A press watchdog spokesman said, in a voice as high as a green fly with his balls in a vice, said:
“I can confirm that the PCC has now received complaints from representatives of the Middleton family concerning photographs published in the News of the World, Daily Mail, Mail on Sunday and Daily Mirror. We will now consider those complaints.”
Clarence House don’t want to comment on the whole thing it seems.