We’ve seen 300, so we know Gerard Butler isn’t a man to mess with. That felt-tip drawn-on sixpack means business, you know.
And because we’ve seen 300, we know that provoking him will lead to one of two outcomes. Either Gerard Butler will tilt his head back and bellow in slow motion for what seems like 45 minutes or he’ll do something so absurdly homoerotic that you’ll need to go home and scrub yourself clean afterwards.
Or – if you’re a photographer – he’ll punch you in the face a couple of times. Because that’s what Gerard Butler has just been charged with allegedly doing.
Gerard Butler is one of our finest actors. He can star in any type of film you like, provided that it’s either a boneheaded action film or a romantic comedy so dire that you’ll want to go home and burn your face off on the kitchen hob afterwards.
Because, really, Gerard Butler has got everything a big movie star needs to succeed – he’s good-looking, charming, able to play one of two almost cartoonishly-defined roles and, most importantly, it looks like he’s quite good at punching photographers in the mouth. oh, he’s an up-and-comer alright. BBC News reports:
Actor Gerard Butler has been charged by Los Angeles prosecutors over a scuffle with a photographer. Butler, 39, faces up to six months in jail if convicted of misdemeanour battery. Los Angeles City Attorney spokesman Frank Mateljan said the incident happened after a premiere party for the film RocknRolla in October.
Well there you go then. Charges dismissed, surely. Gerard Butler was angry after the premiere of a Guy Ritchie movie? That’s just human nature – if we suddenly realised that we’d just starred in a Guy Ritchie movie we wouldn’t just punch the nearest person to us, we’d beat them unconscious with one of our buttocks and then go and kick down an hospital for poorly orphans.
But apparently that isn’t the defence line that Gerard Butler plans to use – his lawyers are saying that the paparazzo in question had stalked him, chased people through the streets and almost killed a pedestrian. If that’s the case, the paparazzi deserved all he got, on the basis that he’s literally Godzilla.
All in all, then, good work from Gerard Butler – you’re just one expensive induction into an embarrassingly bullshit religion away from being a real A-list moviestar now. Not that your alleged paparazzi-attacking technique couldn’t do with a little finessing here and there, you understand. Just to make your own.
You know, like how Pierce Brosnan screams “Get a real fucking job!” before he lunges in for the attack, or how Keanu Reeves favours the slow-motion car-bump. That’s the sort of signature paparazzi-thump that Gerard Butler needs to set himself apart from the crowd. Maybe he should wipe his dirty beard in their faces, or set his new co-star Katherine Heigl on them instead. Anything to stop him constantly being confused with the angry one off Gladiators, anyway.
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Bobby James says
That paparazzi was asking for it, just like you, Stuart Heritage!
I'm Smart, You're Not says
Wow. I have never seen such a poorly written article. You should really invest in a proof-reader! Also, its 2009 and every computer comes equipped with SPELL CHECK! I feel sorry for whoever you work for:(
if we suddenly realised that we
Pinkie says
Those are British spellings. I do agree, though, the article was not well-written. The overuse of cliches makes it definitely less interesting than most species of squid.