Something strange has happened recently – we think we've been hounded by the paparazzi. It feels so weird.
The paparazzo's dumb name is Todd, and boy-oh-boy do we hate him. Every time we go to our mom's house – there he is looking all smug and content. That stupid Papo, he talks but he only talks in code. He says things like "hecklerspray, I'm your father now" which in his warped mind clearly means "I'll sell pictures of you for one million dollars." It's so frustrating! Leave us alone cameraman – put down that forkful of Sunday-ham and hit the pavement! If you publicly sniff our mammsy's neck one more time we'll stick you!
Keanu Reeves can totally relate to our famous-folk woes. He hates the celebrity chasers as much as we do, but he handles it more acceptably. When a papo gets too close to him, Reeves just runs him over with a multi-ton vehicle. Or so we heard.
Celebrity car mishaps aren't uncommon at all. Why, just recently Brandy faced possible manslaughter charges for a car-related faux pas. And that guy from Prison Break, well let's just hope he was paying attention to all those escape details.
We guess you could say Keanu Reeves' photographer disdain is a bit ironic, what with how lonely he's claimed to be and all. You'd think even a lousy friend like that papo would be welcome – but he's not. That's why Reeves knocked him over with a car. A copper detailed the encounter thusly:
"The paparazzo was standing in the street in front of Mr. Reeves' 1996 Porsche when he was grazed by the car. The man fell to the ground. Paramedics were summoned and treated the man at the scene. He was then transported via ambulance to a local hospital for further treatment."
Reeves reportedly replied to the situation:
"You think I liked running him over? That guy was jammed in my wheel well for like 1/2 an hour – think about that! The first quarter mile I thought he'd drop out, but those people are just so persistent!"
The second quote there was fraudulent. Here's a real one though, it's from the Reeves' lawyer:
"You make wonderful coffee Deborah. (low mumbling) I say you make wonderful coffee Deborah! (low mumbling) Deborah!? Oh Deborah! Deb! This cof…I say this coffee is wonderful Deborah! Hey, how do you know when the phone is dialling?"
Oh we did it again. Here's the genuine lawyer quote:
"The paparazzo, who had followed Mr. Reeves to Palos Verdes, was standing in front of Mr. Reeves' car blocking his way when Mr. Reeves got into his car to leave. Mr. Reeves assumed that he would move away when he started to slowly inch the car away from the curb. If Mr. Reeves' car did accidentally come in contact with the paparazzo, it certainly was not hard enough to injure him in any way or to knock him to the ground. It appeared as if the paparazzo was trying to cause this type of encounter."
No charges were made at the time of the incident, and the papo couldn't say whether he'd sue or not as his mouth was probably still too full of gravel.
Nice.
Read More:
Reeves Car Allegedly Grazes Photographer – Guardian Unlimited
Heather E. Robinson says
As horrible as they are I hope Keanu doesn’t start hitting them with cars. I don’t blame him for being REALLY mad, and I’ve lost my temper a few times too when people purposely pushed me with their bodies but I hope he backs up and tries to get away every other way possible. I know, a person can do everything nice and they just keep on harassing and perhaps they will kill us but at least we can die doing what’s right, RIGHT? They just about pestered me to death and now I’m supposedly terminally ill but I won’t kill or hit any of them, just scream. I don’t want to bother him and I don’t read gossip but I kept seeing these guys that look like him and I thought something wierd might be going on, like some people I used to know tricking me or something. I was walking across the street in Charlotte, NC when I visited my dad a few years ago and a guy who looks like Keanu was walking toward me and he was really tall and I was in a mood and ran over to the side of the walk where the other guy is but man who looked like Keanu pretended he took a bit out of me and I felt bad about it. I was just sick of being mistreated and perhaps I overreacted but what the heck I’m not perfect. Almost and trying. If Keanu really is lonely he can email me and maybe we have similar interests. Be careful. The photographer should not have bothered him and I bet Keanu is probably tired of trying to ask them to leave him alone. They ought to make laws to protect celebrities. Hope I didn’t bother him, sorry if I did. I’m not submitting my comment, I’m just pressing enter.