When Heather Locklear got arrested for DUI on Saturday, we thought we knew what we’d see – a funny mugshot, a fine and stint in rehab.
But that’d be the easy way. Instead the Heather Locklear arrest story has chosen to get really weird. And it’s all the paparazzi’s fault.
Remember the good Samaritan who alerted the police to Heather Locklear’s erratic driving? Turns out she owns a paparazzi agency and managed to sell photos of Heather Locklear being arrested to TMZ for $27,000. So does that affect her credibility as a witness? Was she really just being a concerned citizen? Why’s Heather Locklear famous again? What was the date of the first Spanish Armada? Who are you? Why do our legs hurt so much?
The paparazzi, honest to goodness, are responsible for every single one of the world’s problems. It’s their fault that Kanye West is so angry, it’s their fault that Jamie Lynn Spears is so jumpy and paranoid and we’re pretty sure it’s their fault that the prepacked stirfry that was a fortnight out of date we had for dinner recently tasted overwhelmingly of vinegar. The paparazzi, in short are bastards.
Just look what they did to Heather Locklear. There was Heather on Saturday, minding her own business seemingly intoxicated on a cocktail of prescription medication, when all of a sudden – bam – the paparazzi are calling the police in case her erratic driving ends up killing somebody. The bastards.
It has emerged that the ‘good Samaritan’ who got Heather Locklear arrested for DUI after notifying the police of her unusual behaviour was none other than Jill Ishkanian, a photographer who also runs her own paparazzi agency. And, like all good paparazzi agency bosses, Ishkanian managed to get a few photos of the arrest which she sold on to TMZ for $27,000.
Except she didn’t make the transaction directly because she’s previously been accused of stealing information from US Weekly‘s computers and as a result her reputation is so tattered that hardly any outlets will buy her photos.
But just because Heather Locklear’s arrest came about because of a woman who had a vested financial interest in securing photos of Heather Locklear getting arrested, it doesn’t mean that Heather Locklear didn’t deserve to be arrested, does it? AP reports:
CHP Lt. Dane Lobb said Wednesday that Ishkanian’s involvement would not change what was going forward as a regular DUI investigation. “We determined (Locklear) was someone who shouldn’t be operating a vehicle,” he said. Locklear’s attorney, Blair Berk, did not return an e-mail message seeking comment Wednesday evening.
Of course, regardless of who called the police, Heather Locklear’s guilt or innocence will be determined once and for all as soon as police receive the test results determining whether or not she was impaired at the time of the arrest.
Then we’ll all be able to say for certain whether Heather Locklear is a habitual drug user or a perfectly sober batty old shitbox who suffers from depression and possibly keeps trying to kill herself. And not a moment too soon.
dry wreckless says
i think it’s a shame locklear is treated like some bum. she’s a 70’s wonder and i still have her 1970’s poster in my room at my mom’s house. she deserves better. she was not guilty of drunk driving. drug driving maybe…