What are the two things that all women want? That's right – an increasingly dried-up acting career and an ex-husband who's in Bon Jovi.
And those are precisely the two things that Heather Locklear has got. You'd think that Heather Locklear would be the happiest woman on the face of the earth, wouldn't you? Well you're wrong. In fact, there's a pretty good chance that Heather Locklear is one of the saddest.
Heather Locklear's just checked into an Arizona medical facility for psychological treatment as she's said to be suffering from anxiety and depression. And who can blame her – an actress of her calibre must be exhausted from taking on so many different personalities over the years. Sometimes Heather Locklear mustn't know if she's the woman who made one generic cameo appearance in Two And A Half Men, or the woman who made two generic cameo appearances in Ally McBeal. We feel for her, we really do.
You know which celebrity offspring we're most jealous of? Little Ava Elizabeth Sambora. Life must be so great for her – not only does she have a father who lulls her off to sleep at night by humming the guitar solo from Bad Medicine, but she knows that if she watches episodes of bad American sitcoms for long enough, her mother will inevitably pop up and do a rubbishy cameo before too long.
Sure, there are downsides to being the daughter of Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear – it must have been awkward when mummy and daddy divorced and daddy almost instantly ran off and shacked up with mummy's best friend Denise Richards, for example. Plus you'd never know when daddy would get drunk, lock you in his Hummer and recklessly career across several lanes of highway. And mummy might try and kill herself now and again. But our point still stands – Ava Elizabeth Sambora has the old 'drunk father/ mentally unbalanced mother' childhood that we always wanted and we hate her for it.
And it looks like Heather Locklear really is mentally unbalanced as well, because she's checked herself into a psychological hospital for treatment. Reuters reports:
"Heather has been dealing with anxiety and depression," Locklear's spokeswoman Cece Yorke said in a statement to Reuters. "She requested an in depth evaluation of her medication and entered into a medical facility for proper diagnosis and treatment." Yorke said the matter was confidential and no other statements would be released.
It just goes to show that nobody is safe from depression, not even Heather Locklear – a woman who's experienced the giddy heights of starring in two episodes of Scrubs as well as two episodes of Boston Legal, and has managed to have sex with not only the bad-haired guitarist from Bon Jovi but also the bad-haired blonde midget from Just Shoot Me. How could that possibly be depressing, apart from the all the irregular soul-destroying bit-part work and the sex with unattractive men?
Still, we're not exactly surprised by any of this – if we heard that certain hecklerspray writers probably masturbated to pictures of us quite a lot in the 1980s, we'd currently be in an Arizona getting our brain looked at, too.
Rob Delaney says
I believe she’s also been "done", to use the vernacular, by Tommy Lee from Motley Crue.