Articles tagged with: Johnny Depp
In olden times our fathers, and our father's fathers were all taught a strict moral code by the Lone Ranger. That moral code is that it's ok to enslave good natured American Indians if it's for the cause of justice, and if the act of doing so helps end low-budget criminal activity in any of its usual forms. This is a lesson that was taught over and over again - first on the radio, then on television. As Indian sidekick rental prices began to skyrocket, however, it's a lesson that was soon forgotten. Not for long though - because if recent rumors are to be believed - George Clooney is about to revive the Lone Ranger on the big screen. Some of the brains behind the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise are apparently behind it.
The Batman 3 casting rumours have so far been numerous and vague, but at least one thing's for certain - Johnny Depp will definitely play The Riddler. That's a stone cold fact. You heard it here first. Why are we so sure that Johnny Depp will play The Riddler in Batman 3? Because Johnny Depp recently briefly mumbled something desperately ambiguous about it possibly being quite fun to maybe play The Riddler during a local radio interview with his band. See? That's means Johnny Depp is definitely going to be The Riddler in Batman 3, which is why we've already started to manufacture a set of Johnny Depp Batman 3 Riddler action figures. OK, admittedly we just got a load of unsold Pirates Of The Caribbean action figures and Tippexed question marks onto their backs but - face it - that's probably what he'll be like in the film anyway.
History says that Johnny Depp is good at only two things: dressing like a blind man in a rag factory and running around in a funny way dressed up like a pirate.
But now it looks like we can add a third thing to the list of things Johnny Depp excels at - actually saving people's lives from certain death. It's been reported that Johnny Depp saved the lives of six extras on the set of his new movie recently by diving at them, pushing them clear of an out-of-control stunt car heading in their direction.
Which, if true, is actually quite nice. Brave even. Which is hardly very helpful for those of us who have to be rude about famous people for a living. Johnny Depp, eh? What a titting bastard.
When Heath Ledger died, most people's first thought was "But what about the Terry Gilliam film he was making that we probably wouldn't have gone to see anyway? What about that?"
But it's OK, because Terry Gilliam has found a way to work around Heath Ledger's death in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus - Heath Ledger's character Tony will be fleshed out with appearances by Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell and Jude Law, who have all stepped in to remember their friend.
Not just that, but the recasting of Heath Ledger's The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus role also sheds some light on the character Heath was set to play. It looks likely that Tony will be Irish, mumbling, dressed as a pirate and a bit of an uptight dick. Or something.
If awards season is a family then the Oscars are obviously the father and the Golden Globes are the slightly tarty aunt who your mum never really gets on with.
And the People's Choice Awards? Well, the People's Choice Awards are the annoying shit-thick brat of a crosseyed kid who needs to be constantly dosed up to the wazoo on Ritalin to stop him from crapping on the rug, cutting his own hair with the electric carver or flushing the dog down the toilet.
How do we know this? Because at the People's Choice Awards last night Pirates Of The Caribbean 3 won Best Film. Even though it was obviously awful.
Here at hecklerspray we're old hands at signing autographs, although most autograph hunters seem to want us to write 'Martina Navratilova' or 'Sloth Out Of The Goonies' instead of our own names, which is weird.
But as experienced as we are, we'll never be as flat-out incredible at autograph-signing as Johnny Depp. For the third year straight, Johnny Depp has been named as the best Hollywood signer by Autograph magazine for the way he unfailingly manages to put a pen onto some paper and spell his own name correctly without mistaking the pen for some corn on the cob and eating it or inadvertently writing 'Fabian Gottlieb von Bellingshausen' or 'Lunar Orbiter 3' instead of 'Johnny Depp'. Truly the man deserves a medal.
