Katie Holmes may well have finally escaped from the clutches of Tom Cruise, if reports in some glossy yank rag are to be believed.
The Star is reporting that the Tomkat experience?is over?and no longer a thread to the rest of us with their weird placenta eating ways. You can’t really blame them for thinking that though, what with the recent fad for celebrity separations garnering copious column inches in the run up to Christmas.
When you think about it, that's just plain depressing.
According to the front page of the Star, which is all anyone can really stomach reading, the police had to be called after Holmes had some sort of nuclear apocalypse style meltdown and that she's now resting up at home with Mummy and Daddy Holmes. But not just any Daddy Holmes, no, DIVORCE LAWYER DADDY HOLMES, who sounds like a third rate WWE wrestler from the mid-90s.
Naturally Holmes and Cruise?s people are denying the rumours, saying that the report is a work of pure fiction and that the couple are just living separate lives.
However, as all good conspiracy theorists will tell you, the media is crawling with Scientologists trying to prevent you from learning the truth.
In fact, most of the hecklerspray team is comprised of Scientologists and Lizard People, attempting to distract you while our brethren slowly take over the world by making atrocious films and discrediting David Icke.
It is probably worth pointing out that the Star has run this accusation of the Tomkat phenomenon blowing up around us alongside stories of Johnny Depp flirting with 19 year olds and Ashton Kutcher getting caught up in a murder scandal.
So it is quite clearly a load of bollocks, unless the Star happens to have some of the best journalists in the world who have all managed to unearth groundbreaking stories on the same week. But really, how likely is that?
No, it looks like Katie Holmes is still shackled to her husband and his midichlorians, thetans and STD sound-a-like life forces, all the time staring at that e-meter in the corner, wondering if it truly captures the extent of her feelings.
What would Xenu do?
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Topgunned says
“We’re not divorcing. Just living separate lives” Isn’t that like splitting up?
hoohaahee says
They were neere “together” in the first place. He’s gay and she’s been mindwiped by the Scientologist’s “engram overwriter”.
alice says
Why do you say such things about a star that you really don’t even know. Gay…I seriously doubt it. People like to make up rumors because they are so bored with their own lives. Tom is a great movie star and Katie is extremely talented. Gay…you are crazy.!!
Sheree says
You go girl!!