Have you got a thing for cowboys? Even the closeted ones from Brokeback Mountain? Do you also have a thing for the repulsively handsome Johnny Depp? Well, how about the prospect of Depp dressed up like a cowboy then? Does that tickle your pickle?
Well tough. That’s because Disney were all set to make a Depp featuring film of The Lone Ranger, ’til they decided that they really, really hate you.
That’s right! In their infinite wisdom, Walt Disney Studios have shut down production of The Lone Ranger which would have seen Johnny as Tonto and Armie Hammer (who sounds like a toothpaste) as the title character.
It seems a bit odd that Disney would pull any film starring Depp, what with him being one of the biggest bankers (not a euphemism or rhyming slang) in Hollywood. How much did the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise make? A squazadgibajllion dollars?
And it’s the direction of ‘Pirates’ who would be heading up the Lone Ranger project. Certifiable popcorn smash, right?
Either way, Disney wanted to reduce the $250 million budget to somewhere around $200-million. It didn’t happen and everyone else couldn’t get their head around the difference between $50million to an insanely wealthy company. When you get to those figures, its just conceptual numbers isn’t it?
Walt Disney Co. Chief Executive Bob Iger says:
“It’s our intention to take a very careful look at what films cost. And if we can’t get them to a level that we’re comfortable with, we think that we’re better off actually reducing the size of our slate than making films that are bigger and increasingly more risky.”
Disney making risky films? HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHA *sharp intake of silent breath* HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHA HAAAAARGH!
Could it be that Disney are stupid enough to think that people don’t like cowboys anymore, just because Cowboys & Aliens isn’t doing particularly well at the box office?
It certainly seems so. Let’s see what Disney do next. Invariably, one of their awful feature length animations that no-one really likes.
Anyway, you’ll just have to do crude drawings of Johnny Depp in ass-less chaps now. Blame Mickey Mouse.
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