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Johnny Depp

Watch Trailer For Johnny Depp’s New Movie Public Enemies

by David Schwartz

No, before you get excited, it’s not Batman 3, but Michael Mann’s new movie Public Enemies. And Johnny Depp isn’t dressed in green lycra with question marks all over it, but is playing charismatic bank robber John Dillinger.

Predictably, Bale plays the FBI agent sent to hunt the Depp down, armed only with a jaunty hat and a ridiculous voice. And if the trailer is anything to go by, it should be good, but, fingers crossed, it won’t be the last time they work together.

Still, imagine if they had called it Pubic Enemies?

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Will Smith Really Is Awfully Bankable

by Stuart Heritage

Will Smith’s appeal is that he looks comfortable in everything – comedies like Hitch, actioners like Bad Boys.

Stinking bags of bumheap like Hancock. Anything. And because of this – plus the way that Will Smith will promote his films by going on every single TV show and laughing so loudly and over-sincerely that he seems like an escaped murderer – that Forbes has called Will Smith the world’s most bankable star.

So congratulations to Will Smith. And equal congratulations Tatyana Ali from Fresh Prince Of Bel Air, who has been name as the 1,268th most bankable star. Keep living the dream Tatyana!

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We Ask Geri Halliwell About Her Opinions On Johnny Depp As The Mad Hatter

by Stuart Heritage

Hey Geri Halliwell, what do you think about the new pictures of Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton’s new movie adaptation of Alice In Wonderla… oh.

We’ve made a terrible mistake.

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Zac Efron Not Starring In Pirates Of The Caribbean 4. Yet.

by Stuart Heritage

Until now there’s been one reason and one reason alone to look forward to Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 – no Orlando Bloom.

But now there’s another reason that’s equally uplifting – not only will Orlando Bloom not foul up Pirates Of The Caribbean 4, but nor will Zac Efron from High School Musical. Contrary to rumours suggesting that Zac Efron had signed on to play Johnny Depp’s son in the fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean movie, it’s been revealed that no such deal has been made.

Yet. Despite the denial, Zac Efron isn’t hiding his enthusiasm for a role in Pirates Of The Caribbean 4. But if he does eventually get the job, producers will have to find a clever way to explain his presence in the movie. We suggest a flashback to Captain Jack Sparrow having it off with a charisma-free injection-moulded shop dummy and somehow getting it pregnant. Nobody could argue with logic like that.

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Tim Burton To Deconfuse Pirates Of The Caribbean 4?

by Stuart Heritage

Helena Bonham Carter should learn swordfighting quickly, because if Tim Burton is tapped to direct Pirates Of The Caribbean 4, she’ll have to be in it.

Oh, didn’t we mention? Tim Burton might be directing Pirates Of The Caribbean 4. It’s just a rumour for now, but Disney is thought to want to retain Burton’s services after he’s finished with Alice In Wonderland if Pirates Of The Caribbean director Gore Verbinski gets bored of it all.

Of course, hiring Tim Burton for Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 might seem like something of a risk, but it really isn’t – after all, Pirates Of The Caribbean 3 went on for about 15 hours and couldn’t have made any less sense if it was an East European claymation film about the inside of a twig, so there’s genuinely nothing that Tim Burton could do that would bugger the series up any further.

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Anne Hathaway Does Alice in Wonderland, Apparently

by Stuart Heritage

You always know what you’re getting with a new Tim Burton film – Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, resignation that the movie won’t be as good as Edward Scissorhands.

But one thing you you don’t get is big-faced actresses in the middle of slightly humiliating personal meltdowns. Well, you do now, because Anne Hathaway has just signed up to star in Tim Burton’s new adaptation of Alice In Wonderland.

In Alice In Wonderland, Anne Hathaway will play the White Queen – a pretty young woman who looks a bit stupid because her boyfriend pretended to be chums with the Pope to con strangers out of millions of dollars and then ended up in jail because of it. We have no idea why Tim Burton wanted Anne Hathaway for the role.

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George Clooney To Allegedly Play Pension-ish Lone Ranger

by Shawn Lindseth

In olden times our fathers, and our father’s fathers were all taught a strict moral code by the Lone Ranger.

That moral code is that it’s ok to enslave good natured American Indians if it’s for the cause of justice, and if the act of doing so helps end low-budget criminal activity in any of its usual forms. This is a lesson that was taught over and over again – first on the radio, then on television.

As Indian sidekick rental prices began to skyrocket, however, it’s a lesson that was soon forgotten. Not for long though – because if recent rumors are to be believed – George Clooney is about to revive the Lone Ranger on the big screen. Some of the brains behind the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise are apparently behind it.

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Batman 3: Johnny Depp Definitely The Riddler, But Probably Not

by Stuart Heritage

The Batman 3 casting rumours have so far been numerous and vague, but at least one thing’s for certain – Johnny Depp will definitely play The Riddler.

That’s a stone cold fact. You heard it here first. Why are we so sure that Johnny Depp will play The Riddler in Batman 3? Because Johnny Depp recently briefly mumbled something desperately ambiguous about it possibly being quite fun to maybe play The Riddler during a local radio interview with his band.

See? That’s means Johnny Depp is definitely going to be The Riddler in Batman 3, which is why we’ve already started to manufacture a set of Johnny Depp Batman 3 Riddler action figures. OK, admittedly we just got a load of unsold Pirates Of The Caribbean action figures and Tippexed question marks onto their backs but – face it – that’s probably what he’ll be like in the film anyway.

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Johnny Depp: A Great Big Bloody Hero

by Stuart Heritage

History says that Johnny Depp is good at only two things: dressing like a blind man in a rag factory and running around in a funny way dressed up like a pirate.

But now it looks like we can add a third thing to the list of things Johnny Depp excels at – actually saving people’s lives from certain death. It’s been reported that Johnny Depp saved the lives of six extras on the set of his new movie recently by diving at them, pushing them clear of an out-of-control stunt car heading in their direction.

Which, if true, is actually quite nice. Brave even. Which is hardly very helpful for those of us who have to be rude about famous people for a living. Johnny Depp, eh? What a titting bastard.

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Johnny Depp + Colin Farrell + Jude Law = Heath Ledger

by Stuart Heritage

When Heath Ledger died, most people’s first thought was “But what about the Terry Gilliam film he was making that we probably wouldn’t have gone to see anyway? What about that?”

But it’s OK, because Terry Gilliam has found a way to work around Heath Ledger’s death in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus – Heath Ledger’s character Tony will be fleshed out with appearances by Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell and Jude Law, who have all stepped in to remember their friend.

Not just that, but the recasting of Heath Ledger’s The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus role also sheds some light on the character Heath was set to play. It looks likely that Tony will be Irish, mumbling, dressed as a pirate and a bit of an uptight dick. Or something.

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