There is nothing worse than being sober in a room full of drunk people.
OK, so there are a few things worse ? like cancer, famine and finding out your dad wants to be a woman. Anyway, the points is, drunk people in real life are soooooo annoying. Almost as annoying as people who put to many ‘o’s in ‘so’ just to emphasise the point they are making.
But they are never that annoying when you are drunk. For some reason, you are immune to the annoying stuff they blather on about. See kids, drinking is good for you.
But put drunks in a movie and suddenly you start to see the joke; suddenly cease to be annoying and become quit charming and very funny.
Either this is because actors and scriptwriters suck at making people sound authentically pissed, or it's because you know at no time of the evening are they going to seek you out to go and slobber “I love you, man” in your ear.
But which movie drunks were the best? Hecklerspray plumbs the depths. Cheers!
22. Gwen Cummings (Sandra Bullock)
From: 28 Days
21. Dong (Gedde Watanabe)
From: Sixteen Candles
20. Joe Clay (Jack Lemmon)
From: Days of Wine and Roses
Some say it's the ?last great film about alcoholism?, which is both wrong and a slightly odd award to win. But it is certainly up there, with Jack Lemmon in top form.
19. Alan Swann (Peter O?Toole)
From: My Favourite Year
Best line: After stumbling into the wrong restroom, a lady tells him: ?This is for ladies only!?
To which Alan Swann, unzipping his fly, replies: ?So is *this*, ma’am, but every now and then I have to run a little water through it.?
18. Elwood P. Dowd (Jimmy Stewart)
Warning: Getting drunk can make you see huge rabbits. OK, we want what he's drinking.
17. Coach Buttermaker (Walter Matthau)
From: Bad News Bears
Walter Matthau is perfect as the alcoholic coach of a little league team. He drinks and drives and even gives his young charges beer to get them to do his chores.
16. Gary (Anthony Michael Hall)
From: Weird Science
OK, so he is not strictly a drunk, but the scene in which he gets out his face is the best scene in the movie.
15. Captain Jack Sparrow? (Johnny Depp)
From: Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy
Johnny Depp does a very good job of impersonating the legend that is Keith Richards, a man whose body should be donated to science to help create a race of super-humans that can withstand years of alcohol and narcotic abuse.
14. Henry Chinaski (Mickey Rourke)
OK, we admit, Mickey Rourke pretending to be a complete a pisshead is hardly a stretch, but it's a good performance nevertheless.
13. Willie (Billy Bob Thornton)
From: Bad Santa
Now this is the kind of Santa we can all believe in.
12. Shooter (Dennis Hopper)
Dennis Hopper plays himself ? the town drunk who cleans up his act.
11. Don Birnam (Ray Milland)
From: The Lost Weekend
The Lost Weekend ? we can all relate to that. A superb movie about the best pastime ever ? getting out of your face.
10. Ted Striker (Robert Hays)
His drinking problem is so serious, he can’t even get the liquid in his mouth!
9. Hancock (Will Smith)
The first half of the movie, when he's drunk, is really good. But it soon descends into a hideous hangover.
8. Miles (Paul Giamatti)
A movie about getting drunk, just brilliant. Our favourite bit? The one where he is so desperate to get drunk he drinks the spit bucket.
7. Arthur (Dudley Moore)
Dudley Moore?s second best performance ? behind Santa Claus: The Movie
6. Wong Fei-hung (Jackie Chan)
From: The Legend of Drunken Master
Jackie Chan?s finest hour – and a bit.
5. Ben Sanderson (Nicolas Cage)
From: Leaving Las Vegas
Nic Cage proves he can actually act in a movie about going to Vegas to die or something. Wish he would drink himself to death.
4. Doc Holiday (Val Kilmer)
Brilliant movie, but Val Kilmer – once again stretching his pretending credentials by playing a pissed-up gunslinger ?is the star of the show. His best bit: “I have two guns, one for each of ya,” while seeing double.
3. Withnail (Richard E Grant)
From: Withnail & I
Teetotaller Richard E Grant justifies his existence on this planet by giving one of the finest comedic performances of all time.
2. Frank The Tank (Will Ferrell)
From: Old School
The naked street run – it will forever live long in the memory.
1. Bluto (John Belushi)
From: National Lampoon’s Animal House
A true legend.