Orlando Bloom hasn't been in the movies all that much recently, has he? Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining: ?his movies are almost uniformly dreadful, and anyone even thinking of casting him as an action hero again should be drowned in sewage at gunpoint alongside whoever cast the misguided union of a cheesestring and a sundial as the lead in Predators. But it does make you wonder if Hollywood has seen sense and started not hiring people because they have the screen presence of a slowly putrefying lump of brie.
No, of course not, the cast of Twilight can even find employment in movies outside of their main franchise, and they could easily be replaced by a series of crudely drawn cartoons depicting a horse looking sadly at a bucket full of urine soaked hay. So it can't be that.
It turns out he is taking the route of anyone who's been unemployed for so long that drugs, alcohol and repeats of Top Gear on Dave have lost their pall. He's got someone up the duff.
It's a known fact that Orlando Bloom can only be successful in multiples of three. Specifically, multiples of three he plays some kind of sexless, wimpy girl. ?Obviously, to continue the same success rate, he?ll need to impregnate his wife two more times, or possibly splice his progeny?s genes to create a couple of identical clones
We won't know the outcome of that until after his wife gives birth, and possibly after human cloning techniques have advanced enough to make a viable foetus. Until then Starpulse closes its eyes and hums us the news:
Father-to-be Orlando Bloom won’t slow down his career after he welcomes his first child – he’s making plans to balance filming schedules with parenthood.? The “Pirates of the Caribbean” star is preparing to welcome a baby with Australian supermodel Miranda Kerr after exchanging vows in a secret ceremony last month.? Bloom is currently in Munich, Germany, to begin filming “The Three Musketeers” – and he insists he’ll be busy juggling his movie schedule with family life.
See what I told you about him having a fetish for things that come in threes? Three Musketeers. I'll bet me makes his wife stand in a hall of mirrors whenever they're together, and he always poos in three lumps. If he needs to go again he just waits, otherwise it won't be ?successful? and he?ll have to be consoled by Johnny Depp coming round and mincing about until Bloom dries his eyes and claps like a child. That almost certainly happens.
Anyway, Bloom is said to be happy, but given that his face seems unable to recreate any recognisable human emotion , it could just be that he is hungry, distraught over the loss of a favourite cushion, disaffected by the increasing isolation of the digital world and therefore worried about helping his new child find a place for themselves in a world that he no longer understands and can barely interact with, or just gassy. I'm sure he's thrilled though. Him and his remaining fan.
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? says
First Your idiot .. and I don’t see your ass,, with any talent. Orlando is a bright young man with a bright future and I am very happy to hear about his new family. He has been smart to stay away from assholes like your self…
And what fuck gives you the right to throw judgment thought about someone you really don’t know.. but just he is an actor and well know one at that… you a nobody just taking out all your poor me bull shit out on others you envy..
Grow up… get a life and leave others alone… until when you really have talent at all and are write about.. something worth reading like a maybe a novel …