Articles tagged with: Engaged
Well how about that - the way to Uma Thurman's heart doesn't involve drawing pictures of her digging your grave and tittering after all.
We'll be blown. Apparently if you want Uma Thurman to fall in love with you you should probably be a multimillionaire businessman who doesn't live in a car parked freakishly close to Uma Thurman's house. That's the tactic used by Arpad "Arki" Busson, anyway, and it's seemed to work for him.
That's because Uma Thurman and Arpad Busson have just announced their engagement. The news will come as a bitter to Uma Thurman's convicted stalker Jack Jordan, although it's not all bad news - he apparently hopes it'll be a long engagement so that he can turn up to the wedding with his special handmade confetti made from tiny little cutouts of disturbing headless brides.
Hollywood gossip, being what it is, has provided outlandish entertainment to all of us for years. Remember, for example, in 1991 when it was discovered Emmanuel Lewis was actually the kidney that stunted Gary Coleman's growth? Or what about when Air Bud lost his leg to an enormous electric pencil sharpener mistakenly left on and churning by the owner's alcoholic teenage son? Well that last one really isn't a good example because it was eventually proven in court - Lifetime actually did an entire mini series on it. We think. Well now we've got another of those stories for you, and of equal or lesser caliber too - Lindsay Lohan is apparently maritally engaged to a super-ugly man that is actually a mediocre woman. We think she was mediocre anyway. We really don't remember as several weeks ago a picture of her made us poke out our own eyes. We don't know, though. She could have been alright.
Hooray for love and life! Ashlee Simpson has married Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz and has a little celebrity hybrid leeching on her insides.
They swapped declarations of love and commitment in front of close friends and family yesterday during a fairytale wedding ceremony (it was Alice in Wonderland themed) and Ashlee chose to reveal her pregnancy to everyone at the reception, OK! Magazine reported.
Barely a month has passed since Ashlee announced her engagement to Wentz. Barely a month has passed since the pregnancy rumours started. Back then Pete Wentz said this:
There is a witch hunt for people to be pregnant whenever they get engaged in Hollywood. This is all news to me. Oh yeah, hecklerspray knows how to hunt down a witch!
Listen, we're going to tell you this, but you absolutely mustn't care about it. If you do, we'll find you and attack you. OK, ready? Mariah Carey's got engaged. Ta-daaaaah! Do you care? No, no you don't - and that's the way it should be. But wait, what if we tell you that Mariah Carey has got engaged to Nick Cannon? Do you care now? No, of course you don't, because you don't know who Nick Cannon is. Nobody does. So what about this - Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have known each other for less than two months, which means the chances of this ending in a way that's messy and embarrassing for all is sky-high? Yeah, now you care. Doesn't matter. We're still coming to beat you up.
As the poor man's Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra is constantly chasing Pammy's tail and doing her best to keep up. First Pamela Anderson was in Baywatch, then Carmen Electra was. First Pamela Anderson was in Playboy, then Carmen Electra was. First Pamela Anderson made rubbish films that nobody likes, then Carmen Electra did. In fact, take away the internet sex tape and the Hepatitis and you're basically looking at the same person. However, Pamela Anderson recently ended her third marriage. Hey, Carmen - her third! You've only been married twice. Quick! Get engaged to someone! Anyone! We don't care who! What? You've found a man who looks like a weather-beaten uninflated vinyl panda doll that's been dressed up as one of My Chemical Romance? Yeah, we'll suppose he'll do.
There have been several reactions to the news that Ashlee Simpson is getting engaged to that fool from Fall Out Boy. Some have reacted with disgust that their pretty little Ashlee Simpson could fall for such a whiny-looking twerp. Others have reacted with disgust that their emo hero Pete Wentz could for such a gormless pop twonk. Other really couldn't care less either way. Most people really couldn't care less either way. Not Jessica Simpson, though. Harnessing the skills that have built up her reputation as a fearless innovator, Jessica Simpson has inexplicably decided to be pleased for Ashlee and Pete - marking the first time in history that a woman has been pleased that another woman is getting married.
It was love at first sight for Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson. Well, we imagine it was. Each had to do the standard offhand hair flick to adjust the superfluous strands of long bangs stylishly obscuring their vision to confirm it. But yeah, love at first sight followed by months of blissful romps through studded belt stores and romantic evenings painting each other's fingernails black and applying excessive eyeliner. Ashlee and Fall Out Boy guitarist Pete Wentz fell in love and just got engaged. Literally just right now. Two seconds ago. Keep up, people. There's some lovely mocking to be had.
Jamie Lynn Spears has a problem. She's only 16 or something, and yet in her body lies a fatherless abomination festering in feminine hormones and lady grease.
When Spears jr decided she wanted to be pregnant really, really bad, perhaps it was because she thought stretch marks would make her Zoey character all the more real. And it does. We see now that she's one of us, and that she may have been so all along.
Now that she's the first line on a hitlist recently distributed to an elite Vatican strike force though, she better think of a way to unpregnant herself really fast. Either she should gently take the baby out and stuff it into a nice married lady, or she should get married herself. At 16. Which is the plan.
Apparently.
