Posts tagged as:

Engaged

170 People Probably Have Legionnaires Disease At Playboy Mansion: Everyone Looks Suspiciously At Hugh Hefner Because He’s So Old

by Mof Gimmers

Of all the diseases you could catch at the Playboy Mansion, legionnaires is probably pretty low down the list. It’s kinda cool that Playboy should revive such a retro disease though. Legionnaires hasn’t really been in the news since the late ’80s, which incidentally, was the last known erection maintained by Hugh Hefner. You read [...]

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Kelsey Grammer – “Utter Tool” Status Confirmed

by Paul Pencott

Despite possessing a face that almost exactly resembles a Halloween pumpkin lantern, Kelsey Grammer has notched-up an impressive list of stripper ex-wives, Playboy-model ex-wives, illegitimate children and – horrifically – a rumoured sex-tape. We can only assume he has done so due to an astonishingly likeable personality that counters the fact that his head could [...]

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Hugh Hefner Now Engaged To A Playmate Three Hundred Years His Junior

by Matthew Laidlow

At this time of year, you’ve probably gorged on stupid amounts of food and not spared a single thought for baby Jesus who Romans ended up nailing to a bit of wood. That’s right. Every year, you give gifts to celebrate a baby getting stapled to a cross. Or whatever the story says. Of course, [...]

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Kelsey Grammer Gets Engaged, Neglects To Divorce Current Wife

by Paul Pencott

We’re not suggesting for a moment that Kelsey Grammer is a terrible human being. If we met him in real life we’re sure he’d be very agreeable, unlike the series of self-important imbeciles he has portrayed on-screen. But the odds are becoming increasingly stacked against it. Kayte Walsh is soon to become wife number four, [...]

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Jessica Simpson May Have Bought Her Own $100,000 Engagement Ring

by Amy Grindhouse

To be clear, while this rumour makes Jessica Simpson look like a cat lady desperate to keep a boyfriend of six months, this story is regarding $100,000 more than any of the hecklerspray gang have. That includes our pocket money, paper rounds, and the weekly tin of beans we get paid to entertain you good [...]

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Jessica Simpson Is Getting Married Again Just Because Her Ex Is Getting Married

by Mof Gimmers

Do you know who Jessica Simpson is? There’s a chance you’ve had a guilty orgasm over her with your palm after seeing her in one of her revealing outfits. Just because you puked on yourself during your onanistic bout doesn’t get you off the hook. You’re still a weirdo for jacking off over someone who [...]

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Russell Brand & Katy Perry Not Doomed, Get Pre-Marriage Counseling

by Shawn Lindseth

A good sign for an impending marriage is that it’s not a California gay one. Those types of marriages never make it, possibly because of the lawyers and what-not. As far as non-California, non-gay marriages go though, Katy Perry & Russell Brand will probably have a great one. After all – they share a barber, [...]

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Gisele Gets Engaged To Presumably Very Smug Man

by Stuart Heritage

Nothing makes us feel fuzzier than when two attractive, successful millionaires rub their happiness in our faces.

So you won’t be able to imagine how fuzzy we feel now we’ve learnt that supermodel Gisele Bundchen, a woman so far out of our league that we barely qualify as the same species as her, has got engaged to Tom Brady – a professional athlete who could undoubtedly beat us in a fight even if we were armed and he wasn’t.

Congratulations to Tom and Gisele, then – may your children be just as attractive as you but somehow take their intellect from a better-equipped third party.

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Alyssa Milano Gets Engaged To Some Bloke On Purpose

by Stuart Heritage

There’s nothing more heartwarming than when actresses who we forgot even existed get engaged to anonymous men, is there?

That’s why we’re so over the moon for Alyssa Milano. According to reports, Alyssa Milano has got engaged to David Bugliari, a man who – as proved by at least one piece of photographic evidence – sometimes wears a tie and stuff.

Actually David Bugliari is an agent at the Creative Arts Agency, so hopefully his engagement to Alyssa Milano will spark off a career renaissance that takes Alyssa back to her glory years. That’s right: we’re talking Poison Ivy II: II here.

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Katy Perry No Longer Kissing That One Specific Boy

by Stuart Heritage

Although we suspect that fans of Katy Perry and Gym Class Heroes are already great at coping with disappointment, they probably should brace themselves anyway.

You see Katy Perry and her Gym Class Hero boyfriend Travis McCoy have apparently split up, just weeks after they apparently got engaged. It’s all very sad and, as yet, nobody knows who’ll take custody of their one good song.

The split seems to have hit Travis McCoy particularly hard, as his recent angry blog entries have proved. Honestly, what sort of pathetic loser sits around all day filling theinternet with vicious hatred? Oh.

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