Courtney Love isn’t someone you’d trust to look after themselves would you? If you were a pal of hers (surely she has some friends), you’d worry if she planned to cross the street by herself. She certainly can’t be trusted to not tweet harrowing naked self-shots to the world.
Alas, her entire value on the celebrity circuit seems to be that of irritating estate of Kurt Cobain’s cadaver and general gossip about who she’s had sex with, and general tragic trainwreck.
All this combined, it isn’t surprising that she’s injured herself while setting her New York home on fire, which can’t be the first time its happened because her face suggests that she’s been stood near too many naked flames, leaving her rubbery faced warped like a figure of Adam of Eternia under a magnifying glass.
Firefighters were called to the former Hole after they received notification that her West Village home was ablaze. Apparently, three of the firemen broke down in tears when they found Love, with one of them suggesting they’d have to identify her by dental records.
The fire crew fainted in astonishment when the corpse kicked into yet another anecdote about Nirvana and Cobain being legendary in the sack. It was then they all realised that Love had actually chosen to look a withered turnip.
So what caused the fire? It appears that the fire was started by stupidity. It would seem that Courtney left a candle next to some billowing curtains in Love’s bedroom. We shudder to think what she had planned which would require the singer to light some candles in the boudoir.
Either way, any lusty yearnings were soon scotched as the curtains went up in flames, seeing Love trying to put them out herself, injuring her horribly distorted body in the process.
What have we learned? Well, hecklerspray‘s safety message is as follows: Don’t leave naked flames unattended near flammable objects and absolutely don’t, under any circumstances, go to Courtney Love’s house. Ever. Ever ever ever.
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dog wover says
Sorry to have to correct you, but she has zero friends and she is not a former hole she is just a hole. Too bad her legs weren’t burned together permanently. Can’t believe the firemen weren’t overwhelmed by the smell.