Hey! This story is so new that even Britney Spears doesn’t know about it and, crucially, it utterly regards to her possible happiness. Or indeed, the sobbing of a rejected beau. You don’t know what we’re talking about do you?
Sorry. We’re excited. Excited to utterly spoil a surprise.
See, tonight, Britney Spears’ boyfriend – Jason Trawick – will get down on one knee and propose to her. He wants to marry her. She might say no! We’ve no idea! He hasn’t asked her yet, but we’ve found out that he plans to and we’re shouting it from the rooftops to ensure that any romance or surprise is shat on.
As we all know, Britney LOVES wedding cake, having been married roughly 40 times in the past 2 years. Somewhere in the region of that figure. We can’t remember.
And now, she’ll have to plan a finger buffet, mobile disco and dry-clean one of her many wedding dresses that lie covered in cobwebs in her attic!
So how have a bunch of reprobates like us got hold of such JUICY information? We stole it from professional ambulance chasers, TMZ, of course!
They reckon that Jason will be popping the question tonight in Las Vegas, the scene of at least 34 of Britney’s previous marriages.
Sources, who are very trustworthy, say Britney’s conservators have given the whole thing their stamp of approval. Possibly because they don’t mind who Britney gets married to. She could marry a cushion for all they care.
Apparently, there’s going to be a prenup as well, which is just about the most romantic gesture a human can bestow on another.
If we don’t get an invite to the lavish bash, we’re going to cry. Hard. So hard that our organs erupt from our ducts. You’ve been warned.