Imagine for a moment, waking up in a bed, having willingly had sex with Jersey Shore star, Snooki. Once you’d scraped off 8 gallons of fake-tan residue off your stomach, you’d then need to start scrubbing the shame off yourself with wire-wool.
Only then can you start thinking about the fact you rogered Snooks without a condom on and that she was starting the process of harvesting a symbiotic thing inside her orange abdomen.
And then you see the engagement ring on her finger. You bought it for her. You remember proposing. You start to reevaluate your life and give in to that crippling tide of gloom that rises from your weakened knees, all the way into your nauseated stomach. Somewhere, all this translates into a single, solitary tear on your cheek. The world, it seems, is a cruel and unforgiving place and you’re stuck like Sysiphus.
While you lie motionlessly in the dark, crushing each hope and dream you had, one-by-one, Snooki is out there making her private life earn its keep.
And so, the Jersey Storer was promptly papped while walking her dog, showing off her engagement ring and wondering which bits of the wedding would look best on television.
You are Jionni LaVille and you have proposed to a woman who calls herself Snooki with a giant diamond ring.
A source said:
”She is pregnant and has only told her closest friends and some family. She’s been telling people that she has a big announcement coming.
”They are having to redo the creative direction of her spin-off because of her pregnancy.”
Snooki seems to have known that Jionni was going to propose, previously saying:
”I know he’s the one so I know the ring’s gonna come soon. Well, not soon-soon. He knows it should be big, because if it’s small I’m saying no. Like, ‘Get another ring!’ ”
All the while, Snooki’s ex-boyfriend – Emilio Masella – is wishing a miscarriage on her.
Emilio said:
“I?hope for her sake … not to be rude or anything … but I hope she has a miscarriage.”
A single, solitary tear on your cheek.