Articles tagged with: celebrity baby
If you had to pick any celebrity to be your godfather, who would it be? Chances are right now you're thinking "Honestly, anyone but Bono." Bono would be a terrible godfather. The worst. Imagine it. Instead of going to the zoo he'd take you for a day out to an audiovisual lecture on Third World tuberculosis. Imagine it. "What birthday present have you got me this year, Bono? Oh, a beehive for an African village? Another one? You shouldn't have." But tell that to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie - they've apparently asked Bono to be their newborn twins' godfather. It might seem like a clever, worthy thing to do now, but heed this Brad Pitt - the day that little Knox Leon barges in prattling on about Burmese monks when you're busy trying to complete Call Of Duty 4, there'll be nobody to blame but yourself.
Like many people, we felt alienated by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's announcement that they were expecting twins because they're just so la-di-da and famous and whatnot. What we needed was to hear that another celebrity couple were expecting twins, but only so long as they barely qualified as celebrities. Not household names, maybe slightly attractive but not critically praised for their jobs at all. Basically we were waiting for Jerry O'Connell and Rebecca Romijn to announce that they had twins on the way. So hooray for today, because that's exactly what has happened. Model and actress Rebecca Romijn has announced that she's pregnant with twins fathered by Kangaroo Jack and Fat Slags star Jerry O'Connell. Here's hoping that the twins have their mother's eyes and their father's... actually, no, let's just cross our fingers and pray that the twins escape from the womb with none of Jerry O'Connell's DNA whatsoever.
You're probably wondering what Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's new twins look like, because you're nosy and have nothing better to do. But you mustn't. You mustn't look at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's babies - especially if you're looking at the paparazzi photos secretly taken with a high-powered telephoto lens that were recently taken. Look at those and Brad Pitt will sue your sweaty loner arse all the way to the moon and back. He's said so himself. But don't get the wrong idea - Brad Pitt isn't going to unusually strong legal measures to protect the privacy of his family. He's doing it to protect you. Those babies are so genetically perfect that if you even glance at them you'll instantly leave your wife because their beauty will show her up to be the ugly old trollop that she really is.
So Angelina Jolie has finally given birth to those baby twins she seems to have been pregnant with for the last 28 months. And now that Angelina Jolie has increased her ever-expanding brood of biological and adopted kids to six, you'd expect that she'd be thrilled, wouldn't you? Well think again - if the babies' names are anything to go by, Angelina Jolie bloody well hates the pair of them. Why? Because we all know that Angelina Jolie loves to give her children all sorts of zany names, but these new ones? Angelina's actually given them names that they'll be able to pronounce? Urgh! Worst of all, they're not even made up-names! One's called Leon and the other one's called Vivienne - Angelina may as well have just slapped them both in the face at birth and had done with it.
When Angelina Jolie's impending twins finally spill out, they will likely be accompanied by sunbeams and rainbows.
The whole world waits on edge, listening intently for the double baby-wail emanating from some crummy French town.
Everyone, no doubt, will demand to see pictures - and all magazines everywhere know this.
That's why there's such an intense bidding war going on.And if you're the mag that offers the most money, you get the pics - along with a strange stipulation.
You could never print the term Brangelina behind your glossy cover again.
As if Angelina Jolie's unborn children didn't have it good enough already, what with all that guaranteed genetic perfection and whatnot, now they get to be French too.
The mayor of Nice, where Angelina Jolie plans to give birth to her twins, has announced that he's made the unborn tots honourary citizens of the town for the rest of their lives.
What that basically means is that Angelina Jolie's unborn twins now have the right to be treated like French people wherever they are in the world. They'll feel at home no matter what they do - whether it's discussing Sartre over coffee, indulging in some of the world's finest gastronomy or walking around British historical cities really slowly in a huge crowd wearing purple trousers and garish rucksacks and refusing to get out of your way despite your obvious annoyance.
When Angelina Jolie was shipped to her maternity clinic a couple of days ago, everyone assumed that it was because she was just about to sprout babies.
No such luck, we're afraid. Yesterday Angelina Jolie's obstetrician decided to make a sudden statement on her condition. And then, just when the world was holding its breath for something along the lines of "They've been born! And they're beautiful!" what it actually got was "They're not ready yet! Come back in a few weeks!"
So Angelina Jolie isn't going to give birth any time soon, then, although she's going to be staying in her maternity ward until then anyway. We're getting a little tired of all this waiting though - Angelina's got until the end of the week to have her babies, otherwise we go to France armed with a toilet plunger and whatever it is you cut umbilical cords with. Her choice.
This is it - the moment that everyone with a slightly sinister personal investment in the lives of people they're never likely to meet has been waiting for.
That's right, Angelina Jolie has been checked into a French hospital so that she can give birth to those babies that have been clogging up her insides for what seems like a couple of years. Don't worry, though, Angelina Jolie isn't going to have her twins just yet - she's just checked in for a rest before all the gory stuff happens.
But it's still exciting. What will Angelina Jolie call her children this time? We're actually hoping that the twins are named after something specific to the region they're born in - in which case we can expect to soon be introduced to little Unshaven Female Armpit Jolie-Pitt and its sibling, Halfhearted Attitude To Work Jolie-Pitt.
