So Angelina Jolie has finally given birth to those baby twins she seems to have been pregnant with for the last 28 months.
And now that Angelina Jolie has increased her ever-expanding brood of biological and adopted kids to six, you’d expect that she’d be thrilled, wouldn’t you? Well think again – if the babies’ names are anything to go by, Angelina Jolie bloody well hates the pair of them.
Why? Because we all know that Angelina Jolie loves to give her children all sorts of zany names, but these new ones? Angelina’s actually given them names that they’ll be able to pronounce? Urgh! Worst of all, they’re not even made up-names! One’s called Leon and the other one’s called Vivienne – Angelina may as well have just slapped them both in the face at birth and had done with it.
If there’s one thing we know, it’s that you should never second-guess Angelina Jolie. Well, except for when it comes to her choice of films – then she just flicks backwards and forwards like clockwork between sexy female assassin movies and dull real-life ‘issue’ movies that nobody watches – but with babies? No.
That’s because Angelina Jolie loves to mix it up when it comes to the naming process. So far she’s named her children after a road in London, after how someone with a speech defect would pronounce the name of a large African desert, after a battle in the War Of Independence and after something that sounds like a made-up dishwasher detergent for Scientologists.
But the bonkers invented celebrity baby name thing has been so overdone lately, with everyone from Nicole Kidman to Matthew McConaughey basically just naming their newborn tots by basically just phonetically spelling the first ambient sound they could think of, so Angelina Jolie has gone for a drastic, profoundly shocking change of tack.
That’s right – Angelina Jolie has given her newborn twins actual names.
On Saturday evening in Nice, after more false alarms than we care to remember, Angelina Jolie gave birth to the baby boy and baby girl that she’s been keeping hidden up her mimsy all year. E! Online has more:
Twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline were delivered via Cesarian section about 6 p.m. local time. “Brad and Angelina are extremely happy and everything went perfectly,” Dr. Michel Sussmann tells E! News. “Both of the babies are adorable and in excellent health and everyone’s content and getting some much deserved rest. [Brad, Angelina and the twins] are all tired but very, very happy.”
Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline? OK, at least they managed to slot an X and a couple of Vs in there between them, but it hardly seems as if Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are trying any more, does it? What are they going to call their next kid? Sarah? Jonathan? Urgh, just thinking about it makes us want to vomit up all over the place.
As if there wasn’t enough tension between Angelina Jolie’s biological and adopted children as it is, Angelina’s just gone and exacerbated it tenfold. After all, as if the adopted kids don’t resent the biological kids already, just imagine how much worse it’ll be when they go into Clinton’s Cards and see that you can buy a keyring with Vivienne on it and a keyring with Leon on it, but no Pax or Zahara keyrings.
Let’s just close our eyes as tightly as possible and pray that Angelina Jolie doesn’t take her children into a branch of Clinton’s Cards until the company has remedied this obvious failing.
Anon says
Another yawn inducing piece on celebrity names but then again, coming from someone named “Stuart”, I am not surprised.
Funny, isn’t her mother’s stage name Marcheline?
David says
YEAH, those names are completely normal.
Maria says
Her mother was called Marcia Lynn but then made it French. Angelina’s latest craze is everything French. Anything to get attention and fancy herself unique and different from us mere mortals.
Liz says
re: Maria
Ah yes, because her mother being part French has NOTHING to with it at all.
Geez.
David Bryden says
I would name one of them Brangelina. So the press would never use that name for me again. Because it would be too confusing.
And I would name the other one Roly Poly.
baby girl says
I think they picked beautiful names.