When Angelina Jolie's impending twins finally spill out, they will likely be accompanied by sunbeams and rainbows.
The whole world waits on edge, listening intently for the double baby-wail emanating from some crummy French town.
Everyone, no doubt, will demand to see pictures – and all magazines everywhere know this.
That's why there's such an intense bidding war going on.
And if you're the mag that offers the most money, you get the pics – along with a strange stipulation.
You could never print the term Brangelina behind your glossy cover again.
hecklerspray has been selling pictures of its kids since way before it was cool. Why, a headshot of our darling Wednesday fetched us almost ten dollars once – almost enough to pay for the two dozen multi-colored barrettes we had to buy for the shoot. We're not bragging about that, we just want everyone to know that financially we're wizzes.
Then celebrity baby pics turned into a fad, and even B-movie background characters tried hocking their spawn.
The golden pony of all baby pics though has got to be the two Angelina Jolie is about to simultaneously spit out while holding Brad Pitt's hand that isn't operating a hospital-room remote control.
So far bidding for them is around the $16million mark. The Pitt-Jolies are no fools. They know exactly how badly magazines want them – and that's why they've declared that contractually, the winning bid can never use the term 'Brangelina' again.
TMZ says:
"A source in the know tells TMZ that one of the conditions of getting the J-P twins' first pictures is that the winning mag is forbidden from using 'Brangelina'. Multiple sources tell us the couple hates the moniker — but no one more than Angelina."
Well, that'd be no loss to us. Our bidding participation ended at the $25 dollar mark, so we'll not be legally obligated to cease with all Brangelinas, but come August 4 we were gonna start referring to them as 'the Booger-lickers'.
It actually sounds good once you to use it in context. 'The Booger-lickers are starring in another movie together,' 'the Booger-lickers are having another French baby,' or 'the Booger-lickers have been voted America's hottest parents by Elle magazine.' See that? It's got zip.
Most of us don't get the reference, it's just something Stu announced at a fairly recent board meeting.
David Bryden says
Unfortunately, the highest current bid was placed by "Brangelina Monthly"
Danielle says
Applause!!!!
DESIRE says
FRANKLY I AM SO TIRED HEARING ABOUT THE UPCOMING BIRTH. ENOUGH ALREADY I FIND ALL THIS CRAP ABOUT STARS ——BORING
Lilian says
Talk about over exposure, I am just tired of these two.
annie oakley says
Loved the article Shawn! So tired of the do-gooders adopting children that need stability and consistency…so they move them every 6 weeks. And she is a “goodwill ambassador” that does not talk to her father?! She is a terrible actress and I am completely indifferent to Pitt. The booger-lickers do nothing for me. I wish the rest of the world would wake up and see what terrible role models they really are.
Maria says
The Jolie pitt twins were born two day ago. People.com is reporting the story in minute detail, yet it is still not the most read story on the site. That gives. Think again for those bidding for the pictures. Are they worth it. Brangelina burn out no?