Articles tagged with: celebrity baby
Angelina Jolie’s Slave Has Evil Media-Deceiving Twin
It’s been a long couple of weeks for Angelina Jolie. Not only has she given birth to twins (one of them with the spine on the outside), but she’s also uncovered a previously unknown breed of dinosaur in her new French backyard, and her food cravings just before birth caused her to break through a bakery’s glass window pane and eat the little man she found in there frosting cakes. Except for the man she ate none of that’s true, of course, but it really doesn’t matter. If Angelina’s assistant has free reign to invent stories for the press then so do we. Or should we say her fake assistant. Yes, Jolie’s got some woman posing as her assistant going about issuing press statements construed primarily of falsehoods and deceit – that’s where the recent untrue news Jolie gave birth in France came from. Such horrific lies! Now that’s our kind of woman.
It’s been a long couple of weeks for Angelina Jolie. Not only has she given birth to twins (one of them with the spine on the outside), but she’s also uncovered a previously unknown breed of dinosaur in her new French backyard, and her food cravings just before birth caused her to break through a bakery’s glass window pane and eat the little man she found in there frosting cakes. Except for the man she ate none of that’s true, of course, but it really doesn’t matter. If Angelina’s assistant has free reign to invent stories for the press then so do we. Or should we say her fake assistant. Yes, Jolie’s got some woman posing as her assistant going about issuing press statements construed primarily of falsehoods and deceit – that’s where the recent untrue news Jolie gave birth in France came from. Such horrific lies! Now that’s our kind of woman.
Big Brother Betting Odds: More Twins?
The new series of Big Brother is just days away now, and it's making us tremble in that excited way that people do when they're stuck in the path of a speeding train and there's no time to stop it. Because, as far as we know, Big Brother only means one thing - Big Brother betting odds. Come Friday morning we'll have detailed, professional, highly psychological insights into why everyone on Big Brother is a massive arsehole, but for now we'll just get you warmed up with a few more provisional pre-show odds. Here are the Big Brother betting odds for more identical twins to enter the Big Brother house, with help from Paddy Power...
The new series of Big Brother is just days away now, and it's making us tremble in that excited way that people do when they're stuck in the path of a speeding train and there's no time to stop it. Because, as far as we know, Big Brother only means one thing - Big Brother betting odds. Come Friday morning we'll have detailed, professional, highly psychological insights into why everyone on Big Brother is a massive arsehole, but for now we'll just get you warmed up with a few more provisional pre-show odds. Here are the Big Brother betting odds for more identical twins to enter the Big Brother house, with help from Paddy Power...
Angelina Jolie Thuds Out Those Unborn Babies Of Hers
Hoist the flags and sound the trumpets - Angelina Jolie has either given birth to twins or farted really, really loudly! Reports are flooding in that Angelina Jolie has given birth to twins in France. However, right now nobody seems to know how unpregnant Angelina Jolie actually is because, while the reports are mostly convincing, it appears that Angelina has given the twin girls vaguely sensible names. And if we know Angelina Jolie, we know that she'd rather stab a baby in the face than give it a name that she hasn't just made up from a random combination of letters on a whim. Anyway - Angelina Jolie! Babies! Birth! Let's go!
Hoist the flags and sound the trumpets - Angelina Jolie has either given birth to twins or farted really, really loudly! Reports are flooding in that Angelina Jolie has given birth to twins in France. However, right now nobody seems to know how unpregnant Angelina Jolie actually is because, while the reports are mostly convincing, it appears that Angelina has given the twin girls vaguely sensible names. And if we know Angelina Jolie, we know that she'd rather stab a baby in the face than give it a name that she hasn't just made up from a random combination of letters on a whim. Anyway - Angelina Jolie! Babies! Birth! Let's go!
Now Dustin Hoffman Blabs About Angelina Jolie’s Due Date
Angelina Jolie must be wondering why she even bothered going all the way to poxy Cannes. Supposedly there to promote Kung Fu Panda, Angelina Jolie has actually ended up having to sit in a room with her co-stars and listen to them carping on about all the secrets of her pregnancy. First Jack Black accidentally confirmed that Angelina Jolie was pregnant with twins, and now Dustin Hoffman has apparently revealed that her babies are due to be born on August 19. But that's nothing, because Angelina's other Kung Fu Panda co-star Jackie Chan refuses to be outdone - and you'll discover why just as soon as he's finished bronzing his 30ft papier mache representation of what the inside of Angelina Jolie's dilating cervix looks like.
Angelina Jolie must be wondering why she even bothered going all the way to poxy Cannes. Supposedly there to promote Kung Fu Panda, Angelina Jolie has actually ended up having to sit in a room with her co-stars and listen to them carping on about all the secrets of her pregnancy. First Jack Black accidentally confirmed that Angelina Jolie was pregnant with twins, and now Dustin Hoffman has apparently revealed that her babies are due to be born on August 19. But that's nothing, because Angelina's other Kung Fu Panda co-star Jackie Chan refuses to be outdone - and you'll discover why just as soon as he's finished bronzing his 30ft papier mache representation of what the inside of Angelina Jolie's dilating cervix looks like.
Angelina Jolie Officially Pregnant With Twins! Twiiiiins!
Anyone with even a passing interest in this stuff will have known for ages that Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins. But, people, guess what - Angelina Jolie is pregnant! With twins! And this time it's official, because Jack Black accidentally shot his gob off about how many kids Angelina Jolie was hiding up her uterus during a promotional interview for Kung-Fu Panda in Cannes, and Angelina Jolie was forced to confirm it. In other unrelated news, the bear community is also kind of pissed off at Jack Black for accidentally breaking the story that they occasionally shit in the woods from time to time.
Anyone with even a passing interest in this stuff will have known for ages that Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins. But, people, guess what - Angelina Jolie is pregnant! With twins! And this time it's official, because Jack Black accidentally shot his gob off about how many kids Angelina Jolie was hiding up her uterus during a promotional interview for Kung-Fu Panda in Cannes, and Angelina Jolie was forced to confirm it. In other unrelated news, the bear community is also kind of pissed off at Jack Black for accidentally breaking the story that they occasionally shit in the woods from time to time.
We Know The Gender Of Angelina Jolie’s Pregnant Stomach-Children
We heard of a woman once who was pregnant, and two weeks into her second trimester her doctor realised it was just with a cantaloupe she’d swallowed whole some months before. It sat idly in the belly because her stomach juices made it swell too big for her intestinal track. Needless to say she delivered by cesarean and both mother and melon are doing well. The younger of the two is reportedly in kindergarten right now – and having considerable trouble learning to count. We heard of another lady that once pooped out a handgun. What we’re getting at here is if you’re a woman and you find your belly sick and swollen, you can never tell what’s inside you. Except for Angelina Jolie. She knows for a fact what's in her – gender and all.
We heard of a woman once who was pregnant, and two weeks into her second trimester her doctor realised it was just with a cantaloupe she’d swallowed whole some months before. It sat idly in the belly because her stomach juices made it swell too big for her intestinal track. Needless to say she delivered by cesarean and both mother and melon are doing well. The younger of the two is reportedly in kindergarten right now – and having considerable trouble learning to count. We heard of another lady that once pooped out a handgun. What we’re getting at here is if you’re a woman and you find your belly sick and swollen, you can never tell what’s inside you. Except for Angelina Jolie. She knows for a fact what's in her – gender and all.
Angelina Jolie Talks Babies! Also Iraq And Stuff
Everyone alive is sick of listening to Angelina Jolie prattle on about humanitarian issues all the time - that's a fact. That's fine - a firebrand like Angelina Jolie must be used to the criticism from strangers by now - but it has to hurt when Angelina Jolie's own unborn children start to launch violent internal attacks on her own abdominal wall just to shut her up. Because that's what's happened - during a discussion about Iraqi education policy in Washington on Tuesday, Angelina Jolie was forced to talk about her own unborn twins in public for the very first time because they wouldn't stop booting her in the gut with all their might. Heartwarming stuff, huh?
Everyone alive is sick of listening to Angelina Jolie prattle on about humanitarian issues all the time - that's a fact. That's fine - a firebrand like Angelina Jolie must be used to the criticism from strangers by now - but it has to hurt when Angelina Jolie's own unborn children start to launch violent internal attacks on her own abdominal wall just to shut her up. Because that's what's happened - during a discussion about Iraqi education policy in Washington on Tuesday, Angelina Jolie was forced to talk about her own unborn twins in public for the very first time because they wouldn't stop booting her in the gut with all their might. Heartwarming stuff, huh?
Look! Photos Of Jennifer Lopez’s Twins! In A Magazine!
It's been a hard month, knowing that Jennifer Lopez gave birth to twins but not being able to see what they look like.
Chances are your minds have spent the last few weeks racing with worries about Jennifer Lopez's twins - do they have their mother's eyes? Do they have the right amount of fingers? Is one of them a bear? Were either of them born fully-qualified airline pilots - but now the truth is finally out.
The first pictures of Jennifer Lopez's twin babies have been published on the front cover of today's People magazine. And the good news is that, judging by the pictures, both of Jennifer Lopez's twins look perfectly fine - although if we were Marc Anthony might want a DNA paternity test just to clear up any lingering suspicion that Jennifer wasn't knocked up by a Boobah. Really, the resemblance is uncanny.
